mature married ladies only?

Question

my wife of ten years has told me that she has fallen out of love with me. we have four children and have always seemed happy, she has complained of not having a close female friend for some time, now she has found one and spends all her time with her friend. how do i win her back i love her very much and have told her so. she says she still loves me but more as a friend than a husband...has anyone else felt like this...can i win her back

Answer 1

hmm tough one...give her sopme space for a bit and then ask her what happened? maybe seek some counseling from a pastor or other professional counselor. She may just need some girl time to get her head on straight. Good luck!

Answer 2

In my opinion, it sounds like as if she has became quite friendly with her new friend. From experience I've felt a little weird like that toward my husband. I've been an at home mom for almost 8 yrs., so i've been doing all of the housewife duties. After sometime a wife/mom can start to feel that she needs an outlet. Something she can do to get away from the home, something different. Maybe this is her way to have something different in her life. Talk to her and ask her. Is she feeling bored of the same old daily routine? Anything is possible in terms of winning her back. But the first thing would be to talk and get everything out in the open.

Answer 3

Yes I believe you can, don't give up on the love you have. You have a longer history with your wife than she has with her current friend. Think back to your first meeting, your first date, the progression of your relationship, the happy spot's in your life b4 you got to same old, same old as you do in married life. Maybe you need go back to what you know you used to make her happy when you were together in the younger more carefree days. Don't compete with her mate. You'd be pretty unlucky that she is in a lesbian relationship and I don't think or feel that she is. So bit by bit as she will allow, watch for signs, do some nice stuff, some out of the ordinary for you stuff (slowly now, you don't wanna spook er to much). Compliment her, suprise her, just go with your imagination for special things between you 2. Be helpfull more than you generally can be around the house. I'm a hopeless romantic and in my book, true love always wins. I wish total success to you. Cheers buddy!

Answer 4

I have kinda felt like that. Its just hard in a relationship without friends and now she see all this freedom. It is normal for her ot feel this way. What u can do is do something romantic. Take her to a fancy restaurant or buy her roses. Take her on a date. You should also let her know how much you care about her and that you would do anything for her. Let her know you married her cause you wanted it to be forever! When u take her out treat her like you did on your first date. I think you just need to put the spice back in the relationship. Just dont get desperate in the conversation cause that wont do good. Take some control not a lot women like that sometimes. Godd luck and I think this will work.

Answer 5

I am going through a similar situation with my husband. We have been married for five years. I love him but I think that my feelings are changing. It has to do a lot with the way he is. And i have told him, I like attention, I want for my husband to express his feeling, not just say it. He spends most of his time talking and playing with his friends. I am more happy when we are away from home because he is not playing video games. He doesn't pay attention to me or my kids. When he eats, he just leaves his plate on the table. he doesn't try to help me around the house or with the kids. I just don't know what to do!!!

Answer 6

Unforunetly people fall out of love, thats why relationships need to have more than that. If she was young when she got married, maybe she feels like she missed out on going out and hanging out with friends. Thats normal, but she is still your wife and mother of your kids and the kids should come first. People just dont fall out of love in one day, something bothered her for a long time and now that she has this friend she feels strong enough to tell u. Try putting alittle romance back into your life. Be spontanous, but not pushy. Pray to God he will guide u in what to do. I know this is devastating, but just be patient and communicate with her. Let her know why u married her in the first plae and ask her why she married u. After so long sometimes people forget that relationships still need to be worked on. Good luck and God Bless

Answer 7

I have been married for 17 years. My husband just told me the same thing. We got in an argument the other day and he just announced he did'nt want to be with me anymore. He even went so far as to tell the kids we were divorcing soon. Now that a little time has passed he is changing his tune. Turns out he was having problems at work. Maybe your wife just needs some space to be her; maybe this new girlfriend has validated her in a way you could not. We as women need to be validated. We need to be heard. Hopefully she will be able to tell you the void this new friend is filling in time. Men cannot give us everything we need as women. Lots of luck.

Answer 8

Are you two completely open with eachother and truthfully talked about what has specifically changed? My wife and I have sort of gone through this same thing and have been completely honest with eachother, and we have been able to work on things together and this is helping the marriage work. If you are keeping your feelings from eachother, then it may not work.
Are you putting in 50/50 with the kids, and making time for the wife, or does you job have the better of you?
Not sure how the whole 'girlfriend' thing plays into this.
If it is one of the major contributing factors, maybe she is playing
for the other team?
(Not saying that to be harmful, but since that is one of the only
examples you gave in your question, it sounds concievable)

Answer 9

Wow. Maybe she is just going through a faze. Is her new friend single? Your wife may possibly feel as if she has missed something and is seeing a whole different side of life through her friend's eyes. Talk to her, give her some space and hopefully she will come around. I have been happily married for 10 years and have never felt like this. However, I always put my husband and our relationship first.

Answer 10

At times in my marriage I have felt very lonely in the relationship. I have found companionship and understanding with my female friends at these times, yes, to the point of preferring being with one of my friends to being with my husband. I would have said to my husband exactly what your wife is saying to you. I recently read a study that for women, chatting with girlfriends actually stimulates production of the same bonding hormones that are produced during sex, or during breastfeeding! So the connection with someone that we most often find with our girlfriends is real and even biologically based!

I had to make a decision at a certain point because I felt I was in some ways not being faithful to my husband by continually preferring my friend. What I really wanted was to feel that kind of closeness in my marriage! I did let my husband know a little of what I was feeling, actually he came across some private things I had written about it and although it was horrible to me that he had read them, I was glad he was able to get a sense of what I was feeling. My intense interest in my friend did eventually pass, but part of it was my effort to remind myself what my priorities were.

You can win her back by being very understanding of her need for intimacy. This can be really difficult for a guy to do because it is so different from the way you function, emotionally. Beyond telling her how you love her, you need to try to find ways to really be present for her, listening, being together for activities, making your time a gift to her. It's hard! She will seem to want more than you can possibly give. But once there is some sense that you are intimate, she will give you more space.

A couple of good and short books you could read as a couple would be "For Men Only" and "For Women Only" by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn, as well as "The seven principles for making marriage work" by John Gottman.

You CAN get through this and I wish you and your wife all the best.