How do you stay positive?

Question

Lots of stress going on lately. I know things will work out but hubby's leaving his job without another one on the immediate horizon (scaling back at work--not his fault) and I'm not currently working. We have health issues with our daughter which are stressful. I know things will work out fine but I continue to have to convince myself of this. It's like I need constant reassurance.

Just tell me how you stay positive..

And please don't get religious on me. This is about the human capacity to stay positive, not faith.

WOW!! I mean, really wow! Amazing thing, hubby was offered more and better work. He hasn't even officially left yet (they gave him prior notice of the impending layoff to help him with time to find more work). And, wow, it's even better pay than we hoped for. We get continuing insurance with the SAME company so no pre-existing condition worries! Wahoo!! Thanks!!!

Answer 1

It's easy for me to say to you "this too shall pass."

I suggest for you that you find a good support group (family, really good friends) that you can call every once in a while to have a light conversation.

Keep focus and handle ONE thing at a time.

For me, it's keeping my "Sh*tty Committee" at bay - that's what I call the group of bad thoughts that linger in my head.

So, my method, I take a deep breath. Clear my mind, and set it on ONE thing. Life can seem overwhelming.

I wish you the best! Remember... Say no to your Sh*tty Committee!

Answer 2

I used to get stressed out about everything and now the first thing I do when I wake up is think positive and if things are not going well I just say to myself that there is a reason this is all going on and I may not see the positive effect of it now and down the road when I look back there will be some lesson or something positive that comes from it. It is all easier said then done. Surround yourself with positive things and keep a journal you will be surprised how much better you feel after writing all your worries and troubles down and also include positive things. I do this all the time also. I truly wish you the best and I hope I helped in some small way.

Answer 3

I can relate with having a child with health issues, money concerns etc. Sometimes you feel it is overwhelming. Tell yourself that whatever happens you can and will handle it. I like to read something motivating or self help books which help me to focus on what I CAN do. You know the saying ... Accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference. Also Feelings have intensity and you may need to let these feelings resolve rather than fight them. It is totally normal to need some support and talk to people about it- getting reassurance, reflecting your thoughts on others so you can make the best decisions. Lastly, indecision on some issue will cause a lot of stress because you are going back and forth and looking for reassurance from others. Plan, decide, and act. You will feel better when a firm decision is made and you are not thinking constantly. Good luck!

Answer 4

How do you like that? You specifically ask them not to go religious on you and what do you immediately get? LOL

Listen friend, my family is going through the same thing. I lost my job through restructuring last year. The field that I have worked in for twenty years has gone all ageist and even my twenty years of experience won't helpme find new work. I'm too old and I'm not even out of my 50's yet...

My wife fortunately is working, but we are going through an expensive legal quagmire fomented by her first husband over child custody. So, not the same exactly, but close enough to sympathise.

Staying positive's hard. But it can be done.

I think the key is to make sure you stay physically healthy and active. Focus on what you can do... there's always some kind of work out there. I'm taking a job in a supermarket, though I am a highly qualified computer graphic specialist. So, I'll stack cans instead of making logos for megacorporations. We'll get through.

How I stay positive is I look at my wife, and remind myself that the love that put us together had to have been a mighty thing indeed. I remind myself others are going through what we're going through, or far worse.

I make sure I get out on pretty days, and that I stay active. And I use the opportunity to dump some bad habits I used to hold onto because I was too distracted at my old job to get it together to quit them.

I also spend a lot of time writing, and studying, engaging my mind as much as my body. Keeping myself sharp.

I really do wish you the best.

Answer 5

Everyone goes through difficult times in their lives at some point. It seems that you are really struggling at the moment. Do you journal? Journaling has been shown to improve mood and negative affect (a study I worked on in abnormal psych using Pennebaker's approach). Examples of negative affect are feelings such as anxiety. Write about the events that bother you throughout the day. Many times, people have bottled up emtions that they are afraid to share. If you do not feel "safe" enough to vent to your social support system, journaling can help you clarify your thoughts. A lot of adults journal--this is not just a child's activity.

Then, try to write three *positive* things about your day. Write about what you are thankful for. You can include your daughter in your entries. You can purchase an inspirational quote book or borrow one from the library. Choose a quote from the book, and journal about how you can incorporate that into your life.

Regarding your daughter's health issues, I would check to see if there are any support groups in your area. Having other parents truly understand what you are going through could help a great deal. Not only can they give advice, but they can become cherished friends and help you keep a positive attitude.

Answer 6

Be your own "constant reassurance". I had to go through several major emotional upheavals before I got a handle on "staying positive". I had to learn to take breaks from the situation periodically. It's a lot better than being in a constant state of turmoil. That kind of worry and stress is very bad for you... emotionally and physically. So, take a walk to clear your head... do yoga... or some hobby or activity you really enjoy.

When my husband was in a similar situation I needed to feel like I was doing something useful so I took his updated resume and posted on monster.com and career builder and every "never-heard-of-it" website that I could find. *L* Then I had plenty of phone calls from head hunters to keep me occupied.

I also found that it helped to imagine the worst case scenario and how I'd handle it. That took the fear out of "what if?".

You have to take care of yourself if you're going to be able to care for everyone else... you can't pour from an empty cup! Good luck!

Answer 7

Pretty easy to say but probably hard to do.

Still, I'd say that I assume ahead... positive thoughts.
I assume the worst scenario and I plan ahead what to do about it if it does occur.

I'd like to advice your husband to start looking for another job. It might take him some time to find a new one but he mustn't give up. As much as possible, keep his frustration on hold and stick to his main goal. You can help him by not putting further pressure on him, or help him plan.

Nuff said.

Anyway, I'm wishing you all the best and hope your daughter recovers soon from her health problem.

Answer 8

A lot of people don't realize that a lot of faith, even "religious" faith, is primarily about the human capacity to trust and have confidence in her or himself. There's no, or it's artificial for there to be, a division between "religious" and "human". But in any case, there are many techniques. If I suggest meditation, many people automatically assume that's somehow "religious". But Dr. Herbert Benson, a cardiologist from Harvard who pioneered the relaxation response, researched the matter and found that meditation does not need to be of a religious or metaphysical kind to be effective. Simply being in silence in a comfortable position thinking "one, one, one, one..." at a comfortable rate is effective. It is essential not to allow any intruding thoughts, but it they do intrude (and they definitely WILL), just let them slide by and watch them from where you're repeating whatever word you choose. Should be at least 10 min. If you can manage 15 or 20 min., or build up to 15-20, it's even better. One common denominator that "stay positive" techniques seem to have is to "silence the inner chatterbox". That's the inner voice that keeps commenting and even criticizing whatever we do--or presenting us with worst-case scenarios-- and that robs us of our positive attitude, even tho it's largely part of our own self! It is part of human nature to embrace positivity, best-case scenarios, to hope for the best, to embrace life. If we can manage to silence or control that inner chatterbox we will have won the biggest part of the battle for our true selves to shine. And we'll be able to actually feel we've gotten where we belong, which is a sense of peace and that things are as they should be.

Answer 9

I understand totally. Women always want security, Pray for him to find something better and put your heart into it. God can hear us. He helped me get this current job with a great boss. Its rough to stay positive. The world is full of frustration and money issues. Someone you love being there to talk to is important. I have no medical insurance since divorce even now that Im remarried so I can understand your concern. Good luck to you both!

Answer 10

If not too late, convince your hubby not to leave his job until he finds another. Leaving without another job will add more stress.
Things are definitely going to be fine again. Tough times don't last, tough people do. Don't keep your problems away from trusted friends & family members. They could help.