He's left me 3 other times. He always comes back saying he wants me forever, but continues this cycle. He has just left me again about 1 month ago. This time I'm asking for a divorce and he says he doesn't know if he wants one. IF he doesn't want to work things out why is he holding out on the divorce?
2006-08-14 04:27:07 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ultimately, it doesn't matter if he wants a divorce or not. You can get one if you want one. The question is do you to try to repair the marriage or do you want a divorce.
If you want to try to repair it, make an appointment with a marriage counselor at a time when you know that he is available. Tell him when it is and to be there.
If he shows up, then you can try to work thing out. You may be able to. You may decide that you can't. If you can't, then you can move forward with clear conscience.
If he doesn't show up, you can move on with a clear conscience.
Whatever you do, don't let him move back in unless you two decide the marriage can be repaired.
2006-08-14 04:37:12 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As a man, we need companions. but as a husband, we probably want more from you. I have a theory: he keeps coming back to you because you have things that no one else can give: being able to forgive. but he keeps leaving you because you lack something.
It's pretty tough on your side that he leaves you THEN comes back to take you home. but if that's the case, then you better talk it up.
He might not give you valid reasons on why he keeps doing what he's doing, but u probably kno why. Divorce is the least thing he wants to go for. For the fact that if he, IF he is cheating, he is aware that the consequence for what he's doing is being left alone. He doesn't want to be alone forever. Maybe you lack romance? i have no idea, so don't get me wrong. try to spark things up. tell him that he should do some efforts if you guys don't want to end up having a divorce. Marriage counselor maybe? why not... it could really help.or try taking a day off for a lunch? try to bring back memories when you guys first met, how you got attracted to each other, what you did when you got married, or something that will wake him up. Don't give up. If there's a will, there's a way..
hope i could help
2006-08-14 11:42:20 · answer #2 · answered by griever24seven 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your Husband sounds like he has issues,maybe he's playing games teenager games at that if he's left you 3 times and returned if you keep giving him chances he's going to keep taking them because you always take him back maybe he likes the on again and off again thing but now you've asked for a divorce and that changes things he has no one to play the on again and off again game with by being with him you are being deprived because there are alot of good men who are serious about having stability in a good relationship and it sounds like you need to consider moving on to see if you are fortunate enough to find one for you good luck and also you do know that you can DIVORCE him whether he wants it or not.
2006-08-14 11:44:52 · answer #3 · answered by CaliMa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is keeping you waiting on the shelf just in case he doesn't find anything better out in the world. It is safe for him to keep you there for when things fall through and he needs to feel loved again. That is not right or fair to you. You deserve someone who wants you as much as you want him, if he truly loved you he wouldn't keep leaving and he sure wouldn't not know if he wanted the marriage. He would simply know inside his heart you are the only one for him.
Sometimes we stick around in a relationship or keep going back to it even if its not working simply cause it is familiar and its easier to deal with the known evils rather than risk being alone and not knowing what you will have to deal with. I know this because I have done it and I have had it done to me.
Do yourself a big favor girlfriend, ask yourself what YOU want. It is not up to him, this is your life and marriage to. Do what will make you happier long term even if that means the short term sucks cause you are healing from a divorce. Don't leave it up to him because he obviously isn't as committed as you are to this marriage.
He will realize to late what he threw away, and you will be whole, happy and over it long before he is..
2006-08-14 11:44:13 · answer #4 · answered by kimnwi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey Alexis,
It's time you got some backbone and stopped this cruelty he is giving to you. He is saying he doesn't want a divorce so he can keep coming back if the thing with the next girl doesn't work out.
He is treating you like a doormat and you deserve better.
There is a better guy who will appreciate you !
Good Luck
2006-08-14 11:32:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweety, 3 strikes and he should be out!!!!! Actually after the second time, he should have been out, once is forgivable, more than that is not. He doesnt want the divorce because he knows that you will take him back, there were no consequences for his leaving in the past.
You deserve better.
2006-08-14 12:11:58 · answer #6 · answered by bayouktty6969 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats terrible. I understand your situation completley. You have good days and bad days, but when you want to discuss the bad days he can't control himself and neither can you. If you get into an arguement he won't continue it to solve anything, so he defaults to leaving.
Your lucky he hasn't cheated on you or destroyed anything when he left. I have been in this situation, but we both got through it. You need to learn how to argue properly.
If you believe divorce is the answer go for it, don't be ashamed its popular nowadays. If you truely love him, and he truely loves you he will agree to marriage counceling. I assume you are newly weds with little money. But you are married, and if it means budgeting your life do it.
You can't fix this on your own. You need to argue, and sense he won't do it, you have no defense.
2006-08-14 11:41:24 · answer #7 · answered by Poestalker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your at fault you keep taking him back this time mean it get the papers what are you dumb or what this man will bring you aids home one day then for sure its till death do you part,get a grip let this fool go why would he want a divorce he has a wife who lets him leave to cheet then takes him back gee how many men would love that unless you look like a monster im sure you could get someone else.
2006-08-14 11:34:14 · answer #8 · answered by nicole l 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, I left my soon to be husband twice already- and it wasnt because I didnt love him-- i just needed a break (horrible thing to do) but your husband is doing it all the time, maybe its time YOU do something and STOP this!!! Divorce him!!
2006-08-14 11:35:40 · answer #9 · answered by Betty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he better figure out what he wants because he can't keep treating you this way... It's not fair to you.. What do you mean he doesn't know? He knew 3 times ago after what he's done he should be expecting it!
2006-08-14 11:32:01 · answer #10 · answered by amylr620 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋