Relationship between Sexual Abuse and Being Gay?

Question

Can someone tell me if there is any relationship between being sexually abused in the childhood ages and then turning out to be gay.

Answer 1

Part of the reason why people are gay seems to be 'they were born that way'. . . now that being gay has become more accepted, and even popular among some groups of people, I'd say there's a good mix of people who feel safer 'coming out', but there's also a fair mixture of those who identify with gay and bi's as more of a trendy thing, then they get a bit older, and change their mind. It has to do with discovering their personal identity.

I was sexually abused as a child - up until I was about 15 or 16. I was also physically abused by both parents. As a result, there's a lot of behavior that I've had to question about myself over the years. I'd have to describe myself as 'curious' - I have had a threesome before. I'm hetero, but probably my fears more than anything kept me from exploring anything further. How much of that was the sexual abuse? Its hard for me to say.

I know that up until a few years ago, I could be a very violent person. I gained a reputation in high school, as being the 'crazy girl' that would 'snap' if you messed with her too much, after I got tired of being picked on and decided to fight back. It felt good to 'punish' those who picked on me, because I was helpless to do anything about it at home. I still have a bad temper, but I work very hard to control it, because I know that I can't afford to let it out.

I've explored the anger and violent result of my abuse, more than the sexual side. I have a very close friend that I grew up with, who 'hinted around' that she'd been sexually abused by her stepfather, but didn't want to talk about it. She was married when she was younger, divorced, and is now living in California, openly gay and happy about it. Her friends and I had had a discussion about it when I visited. Every single one of them had either been sexually abused as a child, or physcially abused later, as an adult.

However, most of the gay men I'd known deny having been sexually abused. . .most of the men who'd told me they'd been sexually abused were straight.

So, it could very well be that men and women often have different ways of dealing with their pain.

Answer 2

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and I've read extensively on the subject. I happen to be straight. However, I know a few gay people who have also been sexually abused as children. I have wondered this myself, so i asked one of them, if he thought that there was a tie between sexual abuse and homosexuality. He said that he thinks that sexual abuse is, at least, a trigger for homosexuality.

So, yes, there is some truth to that.

Sexual abuse is soooooooooooo F***ED UP. It messes up every major aspect in a persons life - relationships, careers, psychological well-being, etc.

Answer 3

In theory, your question can make sense. I believe in most of the psychological theories, but sometimes I truly think they over-analyze and form these "correlations" that have no absolute truth. A child who is sexually abused may suffer from psychological problems (i.e depression and anxiety), but I don't see a relation between that and being gay. Perhaps the reason that this subject receives so much attention is a need for society to find a source of blame or explanation other than biology. Homosexuality, although great strides have been made, is still a very controversial topic.

Studies have shown that one's sexual orientation may be a product of biological make-up. One study recruited 85 gays with a twin . Identical twins reporting being "gay" was 100%. Can you imagine that?! Fraternal twins was lower...like 6% or something like that. Before you bring in environmental factors, the study took this into account. Identical twins raised in separate households were both gay.

Answer 4

I don't think it is a correlation of being abused and being gay.
I think the ones that are abused and turn to a homosexual lifestyle are not happy in that role either. I have several friends that choose the lifestyle after abuse - one - female = becuase she could not handle being touched by a man- 2 - male because they felt they were gay because of the sexual arousal the men that abused them caused.
None of them were happy in their situation and after years of counseling they were able to realize that they were not happy with sex at all unless they felt in control of it.
Were they deep down in their hearts gay NO but they did choose the lifestayle for a long time.

Answer 5

It's a hard question to answer.

Most people do not like to admit they were abused sexually, if they haven't outright repressed it.

And homosexuals often already feel like people want to "invalidate" their feelings by creating some excuse for them, so they generally aren't inclined to openly discuss any abuse in their past. (Who wants to share a painful past, and then have it used against them?)

Someone pointed out how people try to create too strong a tie between cause and effect, and I think we do need to keep that in mind here. People are different, their environments and the forces acting on them are different, conditions can stem from multiple causes, and causes don't always result in the same conditions.

[i.e., not all abused people become homosexuals, and not all homosexuals need have sexual abuse in their past -- and yet sexual abuse could still contribute to the expression of homosexuality.]

Someone mentioned a study, btw, about how identical twins with one gay twin being homosexual meaning the OTHER twin always is. This is NOT what I read in regards to these studies -- in the ones i saw, the incident of homosexuality was around 50%. IOW, there seems to be a genetic link to homosexuality, but also a strong environmental link (as well as personal volition in how one responds). Many things apparently contribute to the feelings.

The homosexual men I have known / been acquainted did not necessarily have sexual abuse in their past [all of them, ironically, had relationships that revolved AROUND sex, though], but all had at the very least heavy emotional abuse from the father figure and felt a great deal of pain in that relationship. They were all very sensitive to any distance on the part of the father, and often felt rejected by him, for what it's worth. Meanwhile, from their description of events, the fathers have all seemed cold, indifferent, or relationally inadequate to bond with their sons.

A therapist friend told me that she once counseled a number of lesbians from the same work location (rough figure -- more than 10 patients). All of them (!) had suffered sexual abuse from a male authority figure in their past. Over the course of counseling, with the therapist playing a neutral role, a third of them decided they no longer identified as lesbian.

[This is only a small sample size, tainted a bit for being from one single location (so the abuse history might have been one reason they all worked together, throwing off the randomness of the sample), but it still bears consideration.]

In any case, I think the question needs to be explored -- not for any political sense, but so that we can better help people with homosexual preferences... whatever that entails.

Answer 6

Yes, I heard that happening several times. But not all the sexually abused kids do turn out gay, just some of them.

Answer 7

Not in all cases. However, it's sometimes like self torture for you when you've been sexually assaulted by another male and then you SEEK out another male in later years to do the same things to you. You may often question your self-esteem and overall self worth since after the assault. You may feel ashamed of what happened in the past so you perceive the same M/M sex as "safe" and almost as a needed punishment for you.

It being gay makes you happy and fulfilled then please continue and I hope you have wonderful enriching experiences. However, if you're not enjoying being gay and simply enjoy being subservient and submissive to other men to make you feel temporarily happy, then you need to see a therapist, come to terms with your past, and maybe not stay in a gay relationship or not have annonymous gay affairs. Good luck to you. Robert

Answer 8

I dont think its hate mongering at all. I think its a legitimate question. I know someone who was abused sexually as a child and has since sexually abused another child when he got older. (of the same sex) I have heard of this from a total of 3 people actually.. And thats a lot of people to personally know that have had this experience if you ask me.

Answer 9

It really depends....... if you were sexually abused by women when you were a child it would explain why you have emotionally detached yourself from women or being with women and found a love and comfort being with men......... or vice versa depending on your sex, it is possible and has been known to happen and change a persons life and sexual prefrence. However it is also possible that, thats not the case. Most/ not all of course because of what I previously mentioned.................. gay individuals are gay because of the person they are inside emotionally from birth, reguardless of thier physical bodies.

Answer 10

I see a pattern too, like Melissa Ethridge was abused, there have been several more.......but that does not mean they were NOT born gay.

Saying that there have been people who are straight that have been abused as well! So, only God knows! I have also read where there are different brain chemicals that gay people have that straight people do not........so hope this sheds some light a little!