Iam a lesbian and Iam the one that kinda dresses like a guy but I still maintain to be really femmi. You would think that I'd be the aggresive one but Iam mostly not...I only am if I have to be. But my gf wants me to be more aggresive with her and less passive but she is REALLY aggresive with me and she doesn't really give me much of a chance to do stuff to her...She just pins me down somewhere and has her way. I don't get it. If I try talking to her then she'll stop everything and Im a shy person and Iam not used to making all the first moves on her. She's sooo aggresive and I actually love it but I want to make her happy too...What should I do???
2006-08-14 03:57:12 · 5 answers · asked by Faye 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Whew. I know what that's like! I'm pretty femme, and so is my girlfriend. We had the same problem in the first few years of our relationship. She's very aggressive and knows what she wants and goes for it. I do tend to be more passive.
We talked about it a lot, but that doesn't sound like it's an option for you. What I would do is start out a little slowly. When she initiates sex, and expects you to follow her lead, switch it up on her. Roll her over so you're on top, hold her hands and have your way with her. It will suprise her, and at first she will try to take over again. My girlfriend did that too. She was so used to being the instigator that she had a hard time letting go of it.
Experiment with it. Don't tell her you're going to do it, just do it. And it doesn't have to be all "throw her over your shoulder and haul her to bed" kind of thing. You can be more aggressive in other ways. How you talk to her in bed, arranging date nights and telling her where to be and picking the entertainment for her. She just needs to feel that you can be in control some times.
You know that feeling you get when she totally takes over? You feel safe and loved and cherished? Well, she wants that too.
We're getting into other ground here, but you and your g/f might consider some dominance and sumbission role playing. Get some books and read up on it. I am pretty much a natural sub, and my g/f is pretty much a natural dom. But we are working on being able to switch so we both get to experience what the other does.
It took me a long time to realize that I needed to tap into that aggressive side of myself for more than just sex. I am much more outspoken now, can stand up for myself better and just feel better about myself over all.
If you want to talk more, just email me.
Best of luck....
2006-08-14 04:07:03 · answer #1 · answered by Autumn BrighTree 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Becoming dominant when in fact your nature is passive can be hard work especially if the person you are trying to dominate is aggressive.
Perhaps the easiest way is by mild play involving ropes and blindfolds.
The more you practise, the better you will get!
2006-08-14 11:03:11 · answer #2 · answered by bobbi b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her about it. You dont need to do it face to face, simply write down your concerns- could be an email, letter- and let her know your true thoughts. Relationships are about giving and taking, if she truly cares she will value your concerns. Good luck.
2006-08-14 11:03:36 · answer #3 · answered by sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some chicks are what they call stone butches they dont like to be done
but you could always try and make a move at noght right after she has dozed off
2006-08-18 08:47:37 · answer #4 · answered by crazzykid 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
in short
you are who you are and nobody should be able to change you.
relationships are all about finding a level ground, im sure you will compromise in the end!
2006-08-14 11:01:22 · answer #5 · answered by ☺Everybody still loves Chris!♥▼© 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋