3 yrs. ago, Andy, needed to move out of his apartment because his boyfriend was throwing him out. The GUY has serious anger control issuses that I was aware of but not to the fullest degree. After getting there with the police called, GUY would not let me, my mom, or my bestfriend in. Granted we are all girls and are there for nothing more than to retrieve my brothers things. Guy begged Andy to stay, but when the police came Guy, said he and Andy wasn't together, and Andy was only there to cause trouble. Then Guy attacked me by picking me up and throwing me on a wooden deck because he didn't want us to take anything. GUY was now arrested and Andy said he'd never forgive GUY for what he had done. Less than a month later they were back together. I silent treated Andy and he broke up with GUY. I told him I would never forgive him if he went back again. He did. So yet again, I forgave. Over 2 yrs. has past and they are back on. I don't feel like I want to forgive him. What to do? TY!!
2006-08-14 03:41:49 · 12 answers · asked by Celeste P 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I want to thank everyone down to Willsgirl, (because that's the last one I saw) It's good to know that even with the actions Guy did to me, it wasn't the actions of my brother. I think each and every one of you is special and the people who know you and are loved my you are lucky to have you in their cornor. Thank you all for taking this seriously. C.P.
2006-08-14 04:23:00 · update #1
It seems that your brother has self esteem issues which you cannot, I repeat, CANNOT solve for him. His actions are no different than a woman who keeps going back into an abusive relationship. You cannot fix him. Only he can do that.
So what should you do? Protect yourself but remain open to him. Severly limit or eliminate any contact with GUY. Invite your brother to spend time with you but make it clear that GUY is not invited. If your brother wants to know why tell him that you do not feel safe around him. Re-enforce that you very much want to spend time with your brother but won't do it with GUY there.
Please know that this action will probably cost you your relationship with your brother. But, as I see it, continuing to see your brother with GUY will not only seem to condone the relationship but will eventually lead to an explosive situation.
Good luck with this.
2006-08-14 03:54:05 · answer #1 · answered by Bud 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your anger is understandable. When we love someone we don't want to see them hurt or unhappy. You have helped your brother out of the mess and got physically hurt in the process. Then unbelievably he takes this guy back.
Even as much as it pains me. Your brother is in tittled to make his own choices. Whether we consider them wrong or right. Not forgiving you brother because of his relationship with this guy, others may follow suit. And he will feel he has no one to turn to.
Your brother may have low self-esteem that makes him feel he can do no better than this jerk. I stay out of my family and friends relationships and expect the same from them. They have made poor choices as have I. and as hard as it is to hear what the other is going through, we are there for one another. Listening to your brother without bad mouthing this sad excuse for a human being. Is going to be harder than forgiving him.
Be his sister and friend and hopefully one day he'll come to his senses. When that day comes you'll be thankful there was no lengthy absence with him. Love and listen.
2006-08-14 10:54:34 · answer #2 · answered by Balou 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The Right Thing to Do: Let your brother and his friend be, forgive them both and accept whatever happened as water over the dam. What I Would Do: Let your brother know that you love him and will always be there for him (because he is sure going to need you someday) and stay away from the two of them. Sounds like a relationship fraught with melodrama and violence and there's no making any sense or corrections to it by you! I really feel for you.
2006-08-14 10:52:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forgive your brother because he is your family, your blood. You know what they say about love and relationships. Sometimes it's hard to let go of someone even though they treat you bad. Your feelings get in the way and you are blinded by the things that others see. Just be there for your brother and don't turn your back on him.
2006-08-14 10:48:54 · answer #4 · answered by gemone523 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your brother has a right to make his own choices even if you don't agree with them. Thats called living his own life. Granted the situation is not exactly nice but he has to make his own choice. All I can say is be there for him, resenting or not forgiving him is just going to drive a wedge between you two and you'll lose out on that relationship with your brother. Isn't the relationship worth a little tolerance for his partner. For all you know he's happy. Be a sister to him by being there for him.
2006-08-14 10:50:42 · answer #5 · answered by dsd 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My brother has done some pretty crazy things including selling my great grandmothers engagement ring and other family heirlooms for drug money. When it came down to it he is my brother and I will always be there for him no matter what. I advise that you stand by him and stay strong in case he needs you again.
2006-08-14 10:51:07 · answer #6 · answered by lawsonmc11 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well there is nothing worse then when one of your familt members betrays you...learned the hard way myself-but he is your brotherand needs you to be there for him..you need to forgive him but youdont have to forget what is done to you, what guy did to you was seriously wrong and i can understand the anger you have for your brother because he went back..but there seems to be some underlying isssues with them two and the reason why they are so tight...just be patient your brother will come to his senses soon..just be there for him and when he needs you the most dont turn your back away...GOOD LUCK
2006-08-14 10:55:07 · answer #7 · answered by willsgurl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sadly enough...It's your brother's life and you should forgive him because it sounds like you really love your brother...But with the toxic relationship that it sounds like he is in...You need to set boundaries...and limits to the contact that you keep for your own safety...You have to preserve your own sanity and holding grudges never work...express how you feel but distance yourself.
2006-08-14 10:51:23 · answer #8 · answered by Blessed1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
stay out of peoples domestic disputes - you will be the bad one for interfering - one time i pulled a guy off of a lady (who was beating her) the next thing i no is the lady is on my back clawing me and telling me leave my man alone.
2006-08-14 10:50:09 · answer #9 · answered by 2LITTLEBADONES 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has given you the answer of what to do. Leave him alone. He's going to do what he wants to do. If you love him, you'll just have to accept that.
2006-08-14 10:51:37 · answer #10 · answered by Cutie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋