I am 29 now. In 2004 Sean (who was 30) died in a accident, we were together since I was 15. recently my family has been pressuring me to go out and find someone else. My parents expect me to "turn straight" too and start a family now. But I do not plan to ever be with anyone else in my life. How can I get them to just leave me alone?!
2006-08-14 03:26:05 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Tell them politely that you will make your own choices, that you are gay and have no interest in women. If they persist explain that if they continue to persist, you are sorry but you will have to break off contact with them. If they persist, despite how "family oriented" your upbringing was, follow through on the threat. Real family is chosen anyway. If they come around and apologize fine, if not -- you have lost nothing.
In the meanwhile find a nice hobby and some other things besides work to take up some of y our time.
I'm sorry it happened honey, I truly don't know what I would do without Jonathan. *hug*
Kindest thoughts,
Reyn
believeinyou24@yahoo.com
http://www.rebuff.org
2006-08-14 03:40:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
How awful for you that they think you can just get over someone you loved as easily as that, its very shallow of them, you know if love is meant to find you again then it will and when YOU are ready and not through pressure either, what sort of people are your parents honestly, do they think you can wave a magic wand and just turn straight to please them, sorry but no you can't do that because its against what you are as a person, just sit them down and explain to them that Sean was more than a friend to you and if they understand that then why not understand you are not ready for love again or to ever, ever go straight, you know your parents probably just want to see you happy again, unfortunately for a lot of parents they think another partner is the answer, just say to them that you will be happy again one day, in your own time and pace and been happy is not been put under pressure from anyone, least of all parents, good luck.
2006-08-14 03:38:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, grieving something like that can take a long time. Twelve years later, I'm still not over mine. I think because it was a gay relationship, your family probably greatly discounted its importance. They simply don't understand why it matters so much, which is a shame. Just take it as it comes, but remember that Sean would not want you to be sitting around mourning his death all the time. He would want you to live and celebrate the life you had together. He would never cry for the life you two had.
Sit them down and formally talk to them about your relationship, your feelings, what it meant to you, how you are grieving, what their attitude does to you and, most importantly, how they can help rather than make it worse. They obviously care, so you have a good base to work with. It just takes time.
2006-08-14 03:34:14 · answer #3 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's always sad to see someone in pain. I have made the same mistakes and tried to make my family's feelings come before my own but I'm 41 now and now I'm sorry I didn't tell my parents where I stood in life (nicely) so here's my advice, sit down with them and tell them this is me and you love them but you need to do what makes you happy.
And as for you not planning to be with anyone else, Do you think your friend who is no longer here would want you to be alone? I don't think so, try to think of it this way what would you want for someone you had to leave behind? Would you want them to be alone and not complete? I've lost people I love also and it comes down to this I know they would want me to go on and that fact alone got me out of a bad place I was in also. Take care I know things will get better for you...
2006-08-14 04:54:44 · answer #4 · answered by Super 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your family that you are still in the grieving/loss phase and you are not yet ready to find someone else,your statement about not ever wanting to be with another confirms this. I know from personal experience that after a major loss like you experienced ,that the grief process can take years , mine was over three, before i felt like i could move shead. The thing is nobody can understand what you feel and are going through, unless they have suffered a major loss. so ask them for time, patience and as much understanding/empathy as possible as you evolve through your loss.
2006-08-14 03:40:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a terrible way to lose somebody. Let your family know quietly and calmly that you are not over Seans death, and you dont know when or if you will in the foreseeable, and you need your space. Youre obviously still grieving and you must make that clear to them.They are probably, in a misguided kind of way, trying to help you forget and move on. Let them know you know they mean well but you are not ready to even think about other relationships with anyone, no matter what sex they are. )))hugz(((
2006-08-14 07:44:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Explain to them you are still grieving and that in your own time you will be ready to move forward in life with other relationships...
When they try to persuade you to find a woman and start a family etc, simply tell them " I am gay and this is NOT a phase. please love me the way I am without trying to change me" and leave it at that. Their behavior is prolly well intended. They may see how much pain you are in over losing your Sean and simply be advising you to move on the only way they as heterosexuals know how to...Or it may be full fledged denial... either way it sounds like they love you and want whats best for you but they still need some encouragement themselves... Assure them that you were happy with Sean and that being homosexual doesn't mean you are anything like any of the stereotypes out there..e.g. going to contract AIDS, be unhappy the rest of your life, commit suicide etc.. It sometimes takes time for the people who love us to be ok with our homosexuality because of the stereotypes and their fears of what life may be like for us..
Be gentle with them, give them time and ask them for the same in return..
Good luck
2006-08-14 06:48:09 · answer #7 · answered by Levi Cristopher . 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with the first answer here. You need time to go through the grief of lsoing someone whom you spent so much time with.
No one can take away what you had and no one can step in those empty shoes, but one day the sun will come out and you will pick up the pieces and perhaps find another someone to love. Not the same way of course but in another just as sweet way.
Politely tell mom and dad to piss off.
2006-08-14 05:31:15 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hun, thats a horrible thing that happened to you. You need to sit them down and tell them that the person you loved most in the world was cruelly taken from you, and that you need time to get over it. It doesn't look like it now, but in time, those scars will heal, and Sean will send you someone else to help you heal. Tell your parents that they need to support you or else you will do it alone. Best of luck hun x
2006-08-14 05:30:54 · answer #9 · answered by Irish_bi_female 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore them about the going straight stuff. But they are probably right about you needing to move on. Maybe a relationship is not what you need now. But at least hobbys, trips, new friends.
Life does not stand still or stop. It has to keep going on. Go with the flow. You can't be like Ms. Havisham in Great Expectations.
2006-08-14 03:45:11 · answer #10 · answered by Think.for.your.self 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋