Before I met my Husband I was not a great person. I had no sense of reality so I lived in my own little make believe world. My whole teenage life seems like it was a waste of time because I now have to forget any of my memories of who I was and what I did in order for my husband to be happy. Isn't it true though that if it weren't for the person that you were you can't be the person that you now are!? My husband feels like he is in competition with my past but it's not true at all. He is my life, he is the reason I am alive today which I tell him almost everyday. My past haunts him more than me and it hurts me to see him in so much agony over something that we can't change. If he continues to not be able to cope with my past should I just let him go so he can possibly feel happiness or should I hold on tight and do everything that is in my power to do to prove to him that he is my world.? Becasue of the person that I was I feel he deserves to be happier than I do. Thank you.
2006-08-14 03:12:17 · 10 answers · asked by babe112083 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have never cheated on my husband and will never, Not only because I love him so much and he has helped me become a better person, but because I know that he would kill me and I don't have life insurance. When we were just friends messing around but not dating I did have contact with an ex that I obsessed over for 3 years. Before my husband I started dating I was intimate with my ex and my husband who was just my friend at the time questioned me about it so i told him the truth. Once we started dating I lost all contact with my ex and everyone that I knew from my past. I know I disrespected myself and allowed others to disrespect me but so did my husband. Maybe not in the same way but it's still not right and still talks to some of those people because he says it's different with him. I love him so much and I just want to be able to focus on our future together. I don't want to loose everything that I love all over again. I don't think I would be able to handle that. Thank you all.
2006-08-14 04:07:42 · update #1
He needs to accept the fact that the past cannot be changed. Holding onto it and making it an issue will solve nothing. He needs to get over it already. If he cannot do that, be prepared to have it thrown in your face everytime you turn around if you stick with him.
2006-08-14 03:18:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A whole little make believe world? And why would you have to forget it, and why is he in competition with something that was make believe?? I'm sorry, this just does not make sense to me. What sort of agony is he in? If you were living in this make believe world, then there is nothing to change because it never existed. Have you two gone to counseling? Pleae do it. If you love him and he loves you, a counselor can help you sort it all out. Just be happy and love each other.
2006-08-14 10:30:12 · answer #2 · answered by blondee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he married you he was sapose to accept you...ALL OF YOU! The past is something that can not be changed. He needs to accept that you were young and inmature with no real direction in life...looking for something or someone to give your life meaning and you found that with him and you are now a new person. Everyone deserves happiness...no matter what they've done in their past. As long as they look to the Lord and ask for forgiveness...we are forgiven. May God bless you and help you through these troubling times.
2006-08-14 10:36:20 · answer #3 · answered by Dr. Mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has things in their past that they aren't proud of, or that might bother others.
You should talk to your husband and tell him this, and point out a few things in his past that could bother you, but don't because they are IN THE PAST.
I totally believe that everything that happened in a person's past creates the person they are today, and for that reason I don't really believe in regrets. Sometimes I feel bad about things I did in my past, but I know that I learned a lesson and won't do those things again.
Sit down and discuss this with your husband. Ultimately it is his problem, and his problem alone. You can't change your past, and you can't make your husband stop thinking/worrying about it.
If he can't get past your past and keeps bringing it up, you should try counseling.
2006-08-14 10:21:28 · answer #4 · answered by anabele6 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you both have a problem here
first off, YOU need to stop feeling regret over your past, it is what it was and you cannot change it now, so stop dwelling on it and beating yourself up
secondly, your question doesnt state whether or not these past activities involve you doing something against your husband, if you have wronged him, he needs to be able to forgive you for it after a reasonable amount of time has passed, if you havent' done anything to him directly, then you past really isn't his business
finally, you ought to try and get together with a professional counselor to work through these issues
2006-08-14 10:20:15 · answer #5 · answered by NONAME 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband knew how you were in the past and accepted it! (I know that he must have because the two of you are married)!!!! And you are not being dishonest with him, then I don't understand what his problem is!!!!!! People learn from their past mistakes so that it will never happen again! If he wasn't holding it against you when the two of you had gotten married, then why is he doing it now! You should talk with him and find this out!!!!!!!
Good Luck!!!!!!!
2006-08-18 10:08:22 · answer #6 · answered by bigred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do believe our past experiences helps in forming who we are right now. Your husband knew of your past before you were married, so for him to continue expecting you to act as if it never happened is wrong. If he is to love you, then he needs to love ALL of you. We all have skeletons in our closet and in finding a soul mate those are to be shared and hopefully forgiven. He does not deserve happiness more than you do. You are not here to pay for your sins and certainly not to him. You are human, made mistakes, but learned from them. That is what is important. If he can not accept you for you, then maybe it is time to move on. My best to you.
2006-08-14 10:21:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, why is he so focused on your past? What did you do that was so bad? We really need more info on that to give a proper answer. However, he needs to let it go - unless your past still exists in some way (example - an ex that you continue to be in touch with or something). Did you marry him in your teens? I am a little confused. Please provide more info.
2006-08-14 10:31:45 · answer #8 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no one deserves to be happier than anyone else. He can't hold something against you if he's chosen to be with you - has he ever considered how his constant judgement and condemnation of you is making YOU unhappy. I would leave for my own happiness if I were you. Or sort it so that YOU can be happy. No one can really be completely responsible for anyone else's happiness anyway.
2006-08-14 10:20:00 · answer #9 · answered by agliotti 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the past cannot be changed, or undone, but you can avoid talking about the things that hurt him, i was promiscuis, my husband knows this, he doesnt like it, but he knows he (or I) cannot change my past, but i dont sit thier and tell him about all the guys i was with, you know what i mean? he loves you but hates your past, so dont constantly remind him of it, true, the past is always thier, but put the past where it belongs...behind you...you said your not the person you were, and its because of him...so focus on the future with him...
good luck
2006-08-14 10:46:03 · answer #10 · answered by Rose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋