I need a man's opinion...?

Question

For those of you who were married and had kids young in life, was it hard to settle down (men), or to get your man to settle down (women)? I know my husband loves me but we both tell each other everything that every crosses our minds and I think that it's starting to get to him that he's 'stuck' with me and our kids forever- never to experience the life of a carefree teenager again (women, parties, fast cars, etc.) He told me that leaving me and the babies is no option- he couldn't live without us- but that he can't help but to be bothered by some of the thoughts/temptations he has. It's like a fight with himself all the time. Please note that we've been together for 4 years, we're both 22, married for a little over one year, and we're expecting our third child. Should I worry about this or is it just a phase that young married guys go through?

Answer 1

im going to take a break from my usual filthy apalling trolling to answer this in a serious manner so consider yourself lucky

you as the wife in this situation, need to make sure that you don't become so much of a mother that you forget to be a wife, yes you have children and yes they require a lot of your time, and yes they need that attention and yes it is the right thing to do

BUT...you need to schedule some time for your two to be a couple, plan dates and fun things just for the two of you, and don't withhold on the sex because you are tired, if you have to, let the dishes sit in the damn sink until tomorrow, they aren't more important than he is

now, if your husband had asked me this question, i would be telling him to help with the kids, do as much housework as possible, and so on, but this is you asking and not him

the greatest gift that you can give children, is the knowledge that their parents love one another

Answer 2

A good thing is is that he's being honest with you and talking to you about this. My husband and I have been to gether a total of 11 years and will be married 5 years on the 28th of September. Going out together is good (without the children). It will help relieve some anxieties about having major responsibilities. Having a girls/guys night out ONCE in a while will also help. As long as each of you don't forget about your responsibilities and continue to be social (In a balanced way) the feeling of being stuck will soon cease. There are also ways to treat yourself, like getting a facial or what ever you like and makes you feel good or for him a relaxing day watching football (or what ever) or you both can do something nice for eachother like massage eachothers back or breakfast in bed. It takes a lot of work to make a marriage. Continously show the other person that they are apprieciated and that you love them even in little ways. I was 24 when I had my first child and 26 when My second was born. He has had two other children with a prior marriage. He too started early. The fact is that he's 38 now and he has partied everyday and I couldn't stand it (not so much everyday anymore but...he still does party like he's 16 years old) We've fought about it constantly. I think that he is realizing that his family is more important and that it is time to grow up. You can't change him only he can change himself. But the fact that he is talking about his feelings with you is a major plus. Talk with him about it some more and come up with ideas together. I hope this helps.

Answer 3

At 22 that's a hard pill to swallow that this is your life. I am twenty-six and recently married and though I love my wife completely I still have thoughts of what if... I believe everyone has those types of thoughts every now and then. It's perfectly normal; you can't control what you think about all the time. I am happy that he has told you this, it is important part of communication. Maybe you should "spice" things up now and again. Go on a vacation before the baby arrives, even if it has to be something simple. Plan the whole thing yourself. Or get a new sexy outfit you know he can't resist! This is probably a phase and I can't tell you how long it may or may not last. The point is he loves you and can still experience the fun and parties with you! As for the women, it is far better to have the complete love of one!

Answer 4

It sounds like you got your hands full. I am a little surprised that at only 22 your having your third child. Why the rush?
I am sure he is feeling very tied down. That is a lot of responsibility for a man his age. As far as this being a phase, no. I think his young age has everything to do with why he is feeling this way. He has not gotten to experience the single life like most men do before they got married. He has been with you since he was 18 so his experiences are very limited. On a good note it sounds as if the communication between you 2 is very good. I would not dwell on what he has not gotten to do but what he has. A loving family. Let him express his frusteration without judgement or fear he is wanting to cheat or leave. When he sees that he can share his insecurities it will make him stronger.

Answer 5

As a young man (Now I'm 26) that was married at 21, I can say what he's feeling is similar to what I did when I first got married. We had been together for 5 years at that point and about a year into the marrige I started getting the same feelings. The first year of marrige is referd to as the honeymoon, (not just the little vacation after the wedding) and after the first year the effects start to ware off. Now he's looking at this marrige as a life long commitment and he wondering if he equal to the task. Men like to be the best at everything (including marrige) and he just need your reasurment that he's being a good husband and father. Part of the thoughts of missing out on being young are normal. He's now made a commitment and now has to re invent himself as a loving careing husband, however, the life he has left behind was one that was enjoyable to him and life teaches us never to leave a good thing behind, even if were getting something better. Were taught to take it with us but in this case are not capable. He'll reminiss and long for those days from time to time but as long as you make him feel that he's succedding as a husband, father, and provider, you shouln't have anything to worrry about.

Answer 6

I wouldn't call this a phase, since all the married men I know live with this thought daily.

This is what makes boys, men; The ability to decline temptation. Men have a sensory link to their penis. When men see someone attractive, their small head starts trying to talk the big head into doing something about it. Some males, like Bill Clinton, were not able to find inner strength and fight off the self-destructing trait of being unfaithful. Other men are able to find this strength and are able to keep the commitment they made at their wedding and remain faithful.

The good news is your husband is talking to you about this, which in my view makes him an honest man which means he will more likely than not find his inner strength. I talked to my wife about this too, and I have remained faithful through five years of marriage and three kids.

p.s. The statistic people say that if a spouse does not cheat in the first four years, the spouse will most likely remain faithful. But they also state, those who cheat once, will cheat again...

Answer 7

Like the saying goes; "Let them go, if they don't come back it was never meant to be in the first place." There should be a law that says you have to be mature before having children and getting married. Look, a guys "basic instinct" is to procreate, a womans is to find security. Conflict! You both need to assure that you've faced and beaten your own insecurities before you make life decisions. Now the kids are at risk. The idiots in this world! Oh, BTW Heatherdrake - women/girls don't have a monopoly on maturity. The questioner knew what she was doing when she laid down at her age, and I'll bet she didn't care for any childs welfare at the time. Now she's scared of being dumped.

Answer 8

No no not at all im married with 3 kids ages 13,8,7yrs old and have been together 10yrs and married for 7yrs and its not like that at all cause im 32 and my wife is 30yrs old and we planned to have the kids young age and then we could settle down and concentrate on life easier too.i sometimes wonder what it would be like to have been single all this time and what i would of got up to also but fast cars gets you in trouble cause you take them to limits plus i you play feild too much with women you are giving yourself horrible name and you need to respect them as a person not some lump meat.Dont worry if he says he loves you he does ,he might wonder what could he of done all those years but probably doesnt regret time with yourself.Hope you understand where im coming from.cheers

Answer 9

The up-side is your young parents, thats great and will be great for your kids as long as you stay parents and remember, they have friends, they need parents. The down side is it is going to be very difficult, and don't kid yourself, not just for him. Right now your focused on your kids but there will come a day when you want to remember who you were and a little dancin with the girls and flirting will make you feel like that again. All I can say, is get a babysitter at least once a week, get out and pay attention to eachother. Good luck!

Answer 10

It's a phase that he needs to deal with; he's lucky to have your support.

My wife and I married and had out first child at 23/24, so we've sort of been there. What he misses is the wild 20's that men are usually bachelors through and he feels he's missing when all of his friends share their wild stories. Just try to remind him that when he's 40, he'll have a stable family life and be free to travel and have fun while his friends are all getting married and having kids!

If he's watching a bunch of early 20's hot chicks go by and feeling badly about missing out on all that, perhaps you could surprise him with a threesome one day with a girlfriend (if you're mature enough to handle that scene and your friends like him enough). He'll forget all about running with his boys after that!

Good luck!