Why do so many women tolerate abusive behaviour from their so called partners?

Question

What have we done to our female children that lets them grow into women who think that a loud, aggressive, bullying or violent man is normal? Why do so many of us get involved with these pricks and then wonder why we feel so bad. Why cant we just look him in the eye, see him as a total loser and go and find a normal decent human male to share our lives with?

my apologies to the men out there who end up in similar situations with aggressive women - of course both sexes can be fools to tolerate crap relationships!

Actually people if you read the question I am not man-bashing - women are idiots to put themselves in this situation - what is it about WOMEN that we put up with it?

Answer 1

This is a can of worms, you realise, don't you!

I am a fairly traditional (but UK) male. I would agree that women much more than men seem to 'put up with' bad behaviour from their partners. I am pleased to say that attitudes ARE changing slowly - though I am afraid that it often swings too far in the opposite direction, so that NO distress apparently caused by the partner is tolerated!

The fact is that many adults who are abused (physically and emotionally) do invite it without realising it by their choice of partner, their own attitude and that sort of thing. Before you come crashing down on me and say "That's certainly not true in my experience!", let me just say that it is a factor to be considered but it is by no means the only one.

Many women put up with more than they ought to out of love. They love the person, not what he does, and, because very few of us are trained psychiatrists, they don't know what to do about it apart from trying to use avoidance tactics. Every case is different, though, and it is very dangerous to generalise!

I am by no means innocent or perfect. On the whole, I don't resort to violence, but I am just as capable of being unfeeling and emotionally wounding as most men. The fact that I feel I have changed over the years and no longer have the same feelings for my wife as I (presumably) did 37 years ago, doesn't help.

Answer 2

A lot of violent relationships start of good, and slowly the guy will become more and more controlling and then violent, this occurs over a long period of time, and during this time the women slowly lose more and more self esteem and confidence in themselves, they are more or less bullied into thinking that it is their fault this is happening to them, and that they can do no better, lot of them are scared to leave in case they find them, and lot of people don't know where help is.

This also goes for men that get verbally, emotionally and physically abused by women as unfortunately this is also happening more and more these days, women will pry on the shy unconfident men and try and control them, it is a power thing for both sexes, they are the ones with the serious problem, the victims just need to get away.

Answer 3

The common denominator in most of these relationships is the women have low self esteem issues whether it was from an physically/mentally abusive childhood or various other low self esteem issues etc. These men are usually arrogant, protective, charming, they say all the right things at the right times and this is what attracts women with low self esteem..they lull them into a false sense of security. Its like any bully really they prey on the weak. Once these women think these men love them thats what makes it hard for them to leave. Despite the abuse the guy tells them that he's sorry, he loves them etc and that security is back. Women with low self esteem struggle with the feeling that they won't find anyone else. The other frightening factor is that most of these men threaten death to the woman if she leaves, the children and other family members and some men have gone through with these threats. Its a vicious cycle that is very hard to break.

Answer 4

First, it works both ways. Men are abused by wives as well, you know. Many "children" have grown up in a dysfunctional, abusive home, and that is their reality. Just as living with an alcoholic can be a reality for someone to the point that that is "normal." Some people have very bad self-image, and consciously or unconsciously, feel they are unworthy and deserve to be abused. Others get trapped in a relationship, feel it will get better, don't know how to make it "better," and worst of all do not know how to extricate themselves from the situation. They feel alone and powerless.

There is no easy, quick answer to your question because it encompasses many people who have differing problems and situations that dictate their behaviors.

how!!

Answer 5

No man should be allowed to do what you described. Some men don't think highly of women, and so they feel they have the right to act out in that manner. These types of men like to prey on women with low self-esteem. It makes them feel as if they are in charge, which equates to a control freak.

When you meet someone for the first time, or even the second or third, they are usually on their best behaviour. But as time passes, and if you are not blinded by love, you will be able to distinguish what is right and what is wrong in their behaviour. Go with your gut instinct, it is usually a very accurate indicator that something is not right.

Answer 6

women human beings are bodily weaker than adult men, it is known that a lady cant damage a guy as badly as any incorrect way round. in spite of the undeniable fact that, that does no longer supply women human beings rights to hit/beat up adult men. What your lady friend did is unacceptable.....also, at the same time as a lady testifies over relations violence, all she has to do is drop some tears, seem unhappy and he or she'll have all of us on her side. Dont get me incorrect, i'm not in any respect encouraging such behaviour even if it is in conserving with fake accusation, yet when it turned right into a guy in that particular same position, he will appear like a wussy and wont be taken that heavily. Double criteria suck.

Answer 7

its very easy to say from 3rd party point of view.

many women who take this sort of abuse have lot of problems.

many have nowhere to go, no job of their own and no other home. some have lost all self confidence and feel they are incapable without the man so they carry on ... some dont have the courage to imagine their life without the man.

this problem intensifies if little children are involved. a mother would be very reluctant to tear apart the kids' lives and will carry on in an abusive relationship to keep the family together

it does happen !

thats why the woman should get help, talk to someone and get herself out of the mess .....

Answer 8

I don't know the answer to that.
I once knew a couple where he degraded her. A number of people told her that she should leave him but she continued to stay with him. Eventually they did split up and she then said that she should have finished with him a lot sooner. I found out that he used to say to her that she wouldn't be able to get anyone else if they did finish.
Perhaps being in a relationship you don't see whats going on as clearly as someone outside of the relationship.

I also think that our society/culture encourages men to be loud, aggressive bullies who put women down.

Answer 9

I completely agree with you, As usual there are morons who choose to answer this question with stupid answers such as "a little thing called love" what Idiot thinks that being abused is love..wait wait...no Alot of girls think that..And I definately don't think you are a feminist, I think you are an example of how all women should be. I think if more women felt like you did then men would have to start shaping up. now we have this Girls Gone wild menality which causes girls to lower thier standards and behave in a way that they shouldn't. Its a terrible cycle and I don't even know where to begin to fix it.

Answer 10

You might equally ask why most women seem to prefer men who "treat them mean to keep them keen" to those who try to do "the right thing". Seems bloody daft to me, but, nevertheless, all the dating advice I've read warns against being "Mr Nice Guy".

As to those men who go so far as to use physical / mental violence, I've defended loads of them in the courts. Yes they're usually pretty vile, but the only conclusion I can reach as far as their female victims are concerned is that many (possibly most)of them are either mentally ill or derive some sort of perverse satisfaction or sense of security from their situations. Whatever else is true, rationality doesn't seem to play much part in their thinking.