I need ADVICE--accepting my husbands friends.?

Question

My husband and I love each other very much. We are complete opposites from each other, which 99% of the time works in our favor. I have a problem with a few of his friends, I do have good reasons to dislike these ones, but my husband has known them longer than he has known me. Sometimes I feel as if he spend a little too much time with his friends and not enough time on me. If anyone has any advice on how I can accept his friends better and learn to getalong with them

Answer 1

Why dont you find something that you and your husbands friends share a common interest... if there is nothing, then take something they have an interest in and learn about it- they will appreciate the fact that you went to so much effort

Answer 2

Believe it or not. A husband or wife must give full priority to each other before anyone else. That's what marriage meant. That why they are married. They could have lived as friends otherwise !

In your case , I think you need to find out a few more details. Are those friends are real friends ? Do they help you both while in distress ? Do they share common interest ? Or do they provide something you don't ?

The best way would be to carefully & calmly prapare your points. Find out the best time when your husband is really relaxed & express your concern in a loving manner. May be your husband is not aware of your feelings. An open session may help him understand your feelings better.

Make clear that you love him very much , so much that you wish he is with you all the time ! If he is caring, which I am sure he is, he'll definetely come closer to you.

I am happy to know your feeling towards your husband & marriage. Wish you all the best !

Answer 3

Without knowing why you dislike these friends, it's a bit difficult for me to give a good advice but here goes: You just have to accept the fact that these people were part of his life then and will be part of his life now. It's unrealistic to ask your husband to give them up, as he may just end up resenting you for it. You should, however, let your husband know that he's spending a bit too much time with them and would like him to devote some more of that time with you. If you really want to try and accept them, maybe you should get to know them a bit better (assuming you don't already). Once in a while...and I mean ONCE in a while, have your husband invite them over to your place, in that way your husband gets to be there with you and his friends at the same time. If "accepting" them is not an option for you, then don't pretend to accept them. As long as they're not a bad influence on your husband, give your husband the space to do the "guy thing" with them.

Answer 4

All that I can say to you is try putting the shoe on the other foot!
What if it was your friends that you have known longer them him, and he was feeling the same way that you are? Does any of these friends have wives/girlfriends that you can get acquainted with and spend some time with them? I really don't see why you are feeling left out or ignored! When he comes home he is coming home to you! I'm sorry to be blunt and say this, but it sounds like you are being selfish! I really don't believe that you would accept and turn your long time friends away if it was the other way around!!!!!!
Good Luck!!!!

Answer 5

I too had this problem a long time ago, it will get better just be patient. Just be there when he is with you. Tag along even if you don't like them or the things they do, chances are you just need to let them grow on you.
We have been together for almost 14 yrs. and i am only 31 he is about to turn 34. We also have 4 kids together. Now all the time we is with our kids and work. We do have friends but we dont hang out with them ever day like we did a long time ago.

Answer 6

What are your reasons to dislike these friends? If they are disrespectful to you in any way, this should be addressed to your hubby. There's a point when your wife comes before your friends. That's when he said "I Do".

Best thing to do is talk to your husband about the issues. You shouldn't HAVE to accept them. Compromise. In time, maybe you'll be willing.

If your husband becomes defensive, there's a deeper issue between the two of you.

Answer 7

If you love your husband then learn to accept his friends as the saying goes..... if you love me love my dog!!! His choice of friends may not be yours but there should be some respect for each other in this field. As for spending more time with them instead of you, that you need to mix with them to find out. You'll be surprised to find the little things your spouse enjoys which you might have amiss or not take it seriously. Give yourself a afresh start with these friends and let the experience teach you a thing or two more about your him. I bet you it will be an interesting experience.

Answer 8

My fiance' only has one friend (one that I don't consider to be a true friend because of things he's done) but I can't stand him. I talk s**t about him all the time and try to get my fiance' to see my point on it but he doesn't. His friend knows I don't like him and was supposed to come over for dinner this past weekend but ended up not coming over and not answering his phone when it came down to it. My fiance' doesn't want to accept the fact that his "friend" let him down yet again. As far as getting along, just smile and say hello. You don't have to have a conversation with them and if they feel unwelcome so what. You obviously have a reason to feel the way you do

Answer 9

Ok.. i understand these are friends he's known forever, and u should try to be accepting of that, but not to the point that ur being neglected, he married u, u are his family , u are suppose to be his top priority..Now is he really neglecting u, or are u just wanting to be up his rear end so much that the man cant seem to breath with out u being there? Marriage is built on compromise, anything can be delt with , if compromise is obtained.. so maybe u should sit down with ur husband and set aside time not only for his friends but for you as well...
Are all his friends single? if so start hooking them up so they will be more involved with their own lives and less involved in yours lol..

Answer 10

You do not need to except his friends because when you got married it was for the two of you to be joined as one . You should let your husband know that it's nothing personal but them are his friend and not yours so you don't half to deal with them. Tell him you and his time is just that ya time and.

Answer 11

I understand your problem, because I have it with my boyfriend. I think what you should do is talk to your husband about why his friends make you uncomfortable. You say you have good reasons not to like them, so maybe you should tell those reasons to your husband. Since they're his friends, he's probably more forgiving of them than he should be. You should also just tell your husband that you'd like it if he would devote a little more time to his wife than his buddies - communication is key, so if you feel like he's not spending enough time with you, he should know it.