Bored Senseless.....?

Question

im so bored rite now, i aint got sh*t 2 do, can n e 1 entertain me.....IM me some funny sh*t PLEEEEEEEEASE!!!

Answer 1

I walked into a public toilet at the services on the M1 today, where
> I found two cubicles. One was already occupied so I entered the
> other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat
> down.Suddenly, a voice came
> from the cubicle next to me:"Hello mate, how you doing?"I thought it
> a bit
> strange but not wanting to be rude I replied"Yeah, not too bad
> thanks."After a short pause, I heard the voice again "So, what you
up
> to
> mate?"Again I answered, although somewhat reluctantly - unsure what
> tosay, I replied "Umm, just having a quick poo How about yourself?"I
> then heard
> the voice for the third time...."Sorry mate, I'll have to call you
> back.
> I've got some ******** in the loo next to me answering everything I
> say."
>
>
>
>
> Women can be evil...
>
> A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured
> alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She
> seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As
> he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
>
> "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both
> hands.
>
> "Actually, no," he replied.
>
> Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her
> hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
>
> "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender.
>
> "Is there anything I can do?"
>
> "Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running
> her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple
> of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
>
> What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
>
> Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or
> paper towels in the ladies room."
>
>
>
>
> Like Frank!
>
> A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.
> He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're
> just like Frank."
>
> Passenger: "Who?"
>
> Cabbie: "Frank. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my
> coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that
> to Frank every single time."
>
> Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
>
> Cabbie: "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the
> Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an
> opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have
> heard him play the piano."
>
> Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special"
>
> Cabbie: "There's more"......."He had a memory like a computer. Could
> remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to

> order and which fork to eat them with.
> He could fix anything. Not like me.
> I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out."
>
> Passenger. "Wow, some guy then"
>
> Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid
> traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them."
>
> "Passenger. "Mmm, there's not many like him around."
>
> Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and
> never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing
> was always immaculate, shoes highly polished
> too."
>
> Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
>
> Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."
>
> Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
>
> Cabbie: "I married his f***ing widow."
>
> Three Guys
>
> Three guys -- a farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an
> engineer -- are working together one day. They come
> across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will
> give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total," says the
> Genie.
>
> The farmer says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer,
> and my son will also farm. I want the land to be
> forever fertile." Pooooof! With the blink of the
> Genie's eye, the land was forever made fertile for farming.
>
> Osama bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall
> around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels,
> Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."
> Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye,
> there was a huge wall around those countries.
>
> The engineer says, "I am very curious. Please tell me
> more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well,
> it's about 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and
> completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in
> or out -- it's virtually impenetrable."
> The engineer says, "Fill it with water."
>
> Ugly Woman
>
> An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
> The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"?
> The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7.
> "Why? Do you think they look alike?"
> "No", he replies,
> "I just can't believe you got laid twice"!

Answer 2

1. Climb up a lampost and pretend to get stuck
2. Lock yourself in the cupboard and convince yourself you've been kidnapped by terrorists
3. Count the average number of smarties per tube
4. Have a dirty conversaition with a box of washing powder
5. blue tak your neihbours door bell
get someones number from the phonebook who lives local. tell them they have won the church raffle and to collect their hamper. wait and watch as they walk aroud the churchyard looking confused...
6. Call the police and tell them there is a strange man walking around the church yard
7. Consider whether a jaffa cake is a cake or a buscuit
8. See how many different varieties of beans you can hold on your head at once
9. Get p*ssed
10. Work out how much you are worth by valuing up all the items in your world, including any partners or kids.

Answer 3

ok, ten things to relieve boredom, here we go
1. dont count sheep, just count all the crap answers on here instead
2. imagine you are on a beech when a dark tanned handsome stranger sits next to your blanket and covers his body in oil........spend the next hour completing this story
3. staple your lip to your eyelid,,,that,ll fill in some time at the A&E
4. cause yourself to projectile vomit, then spend ten mins counting the lumps
5. tell all your friends you won the lottory and spend the next week lapping up all the attention
6. hire a fluffy dog outfit and spend a day popping in and out of asda buying dog food, just watch their faces
7. see how many beans you can fit into a tennis ball
8. ring claims direct and tell them you have had an accident,,, spend hours laughing while remembering their reaction when you told them that you s**t yourself
9. have an orgy
10. spend 5 mins voting me the best answer XXXXXXXX

hope this helps chuck

good luck

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Answer 4

Get you Sk8s out and enjoy yourself in the OPEN AIR

Answer 5

Take a trip to Neverland, you sure would be entertained!

Answer 6

skat8a chick..when i,m bored i try to see how many monkey nuts i can fit into my bellybutton then try to break that record. instant boredom reliever ( and party piece) guaranteed!

Answer 7

i know the feeling i was bored senseless last nite

Answer 8

*Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.*

Answer 9

wish i could help you but i have the same problem.

Answer 10

http://www.i-am-bored.com


Sites for when you're bored. Check it out.(",)