Have you been affected by the triangle of adoption?

Question

I am an adoptee who has searched for her birthparents. I was refused and sometimes I still suffer from the effects of that rejection. I wanted know more about other similiar situations.

Answer 1

Yes, I am an adoptive Mother of two daughters, ages 12 and 10. My daughters are half-sisters in an unusual situation...different birth MOTHERS, same birth FATHER. We are in an open adoption, although it has turned out much differently than we had hoped.

We have an open door policy with the girls' birthparents. Their birthfather has not seen either of them since birth...his choice, not ours.

My oldest daughter's birthmother is very active in her life, and they have a very special bond. They see each other several times a year, and it would be even more often if she and her family lived closer to us. They moved several hundred miles away a few years ago for her husband's career. They have two children, whom my daughter consider to be her sister and brother. My daughter and her birthmother keep in touch by phone and email when they can't see one another.

However, my youngest daughter's birthmother is not as involved in her life, and I feel this has contributed to some abandonment issues. She sees her once or twice a year, at her birthday and Christmas, if that often, although we live in the same town.

It kills me to see my baby slighted in this way, although she will not admit that it bothers her. She says she "doesn't want to see her anyway", and that she feels very lucky that we adopted her. I know it has to be difficult for her, though. She does admit to regret over not getting to know her two half-brothers.

This was not something we ever foresaw happening, and it has made me wonder if the degree of openness we saw as best for our childrens' well-being was truly the best choice in the end.

Answer 2

Not sure if mine applies but five years ago my Dad found out he had an older brother that his Mom gave up back in the 1940's which was a big taboo issues, small town kept it a tight secret.
It was really cool to meet him and we still make it a point to get together a couple times a year.
The best part was that my grandmother who at 86 and suffering early stages of Alzheimer's got to spend time with him before her health got to bad and she passed away last year. We are still keeping in touch quite well.
I also have five cousins that were adopted and due to these life events I am glad I have an open mind about adoption and that my family is good at accepting everyone we meet as equals it helps make the world go round.

Answer 3

I'm in the same boat. I know all the nonidentifying info about my birth parents like height, weight and eye color, but no names. When I was 18 I went to my agency and I was told my parents didn't want to be found and even more, at the time I was adopted neither birth mother or father had told their families she was pregnant. So apparently I'm some 44 year old woman's dirty little secret. I was pissed. I still am a bit. But then I decided to do my own rejecting. They don't deserve to know how wonderful I am. It hurts, but you just try to get on with your life and be happy.

P.S. I'm a Beth, not a Liz

Answer 4

my mother was adopted. i dont know my real grandmother however i do know my grandfather and his children. although we are not close. we might see one another every few years.

my mother in law and her sister where both adopted. they do not know their real parents. however they are very close to their mother. they grew up in a loving home but according to my mother in law she has always felt like something was missing.

my mother abandoned my brother and I. I dont know if this is a fear of mother. but i think it is because her mom rejected her.


oh and by the way. LIZ is the most AWESOME name ever hehehehehehe!

Answer 5

My parents divorced when I was 3, my mom died when I was 8, my dad didn't want me so I was adopted. Guess you could say I was affected.

Answer 6

yes, I was a relenquishing mother, I really affected the rest of my life.