My boyfriend accused me of cheating- I am confused?

Question

My boyfriend is trying to get rid of me because he thinks I'm chaeting on him because I didn't call him with some information he wanted - although he said he was going to call me back to get it. We just came back from the most enjoyable vacation together and it seems like we were growing closer. We were even talking about moving away together and getting married.

He actually told me that I could've been doing anything behind his back including oral sex (although he said it in a more derogatory manner) and I threw him out of my house - I cried all day. I have been nothing but good and loyal to him. That really hurt. And everything is so sudden. He sees nothing from my point of view - all he can conclude it that I didn't call him back because I was cheating (I was waiting for him to call be back and then I fell asleep). What do you think the real motive can be? I really really liked him.

I spoke to him today and he noted that he is going through so much in his life right now (there are a lot of things he's dealing with that have come crashing all at once - legal matters, etc). he spoke for about 10 minutes about his own problems and didn't even mention what happened between us the other day. I mentioned it and he said he has to stay focused on his issues right now and doesn't need distraction (I guess that would be me). He is meeting up with me tomorrow to give me $$ for a speeding ticket we got when we went on vacation last week, and he wants to talk (I don't know what about at this point). Sometimes I hate being a women - we are so emotional and make ourselves so vulnerable. He actually said derogatory things to me and I am listening to him!! Something must be wrong with me. I'm a good looking woman (I am a bikini model on the side of my regular occupartion). I have to get it together- I feel like I am always being kicked by men. Damn!

I spoke to him today and he noted that he is going through so much in his life right now (there are a lot of things he's dealing with that have come crashing all at once - legal matters, etc). he spoke for about 10 minutes about his own problems and didn't even mention what happened between us the other day. I mentioned it and he said he has to stay focused on his issues right now and doesn't need distraction (I guess that would be me). He is meeting up with me tomorrow to give me $$ for a speeding ticket we got when we went on vacation last week, and he wants to talk (I don't know what about at this point). Sometimes I hate being a women - we are so emotional and make ourselves so vulnerable. He actually said derogatory things to me and I am listening to him!! Something must be wrong with me. I'm a good looking woman (I am a bikini model on the side of my regular occupartion). I have to get it together- I feel like I am always being kicked by men. Damn!

Answer 1

It's very possible that your boyfriend's behavior is a reaction to an underlying insecurity. Sometimes when insecurity and emotional issues are involved, people employ blaming (or 'tantrum' throwing) as a means of defending or protecting themselves from becoming vulnerable in particular situations. It's very likely that your spouse's behavior is his form of 'armoring' himself from the intimacy that almost always comes with such relationships. You say you both returned from an enjoyable vacation; it's possible that during this period he grew incredibly close to you and is responding defensively to what he may perceive as a possible 'threat' to his emotions.

Try talking to him about his behavior and expressing your concerns. Because his actions may have stemmed from insecurity, make him aware of your complete and utter love and devotion to him and the relationship. Show him in whatever way possible that you care for him and would never do anything to jeopardize the union you both share. Ask him what's wrong and how you can both work through it together.

I hope everything goes well :).

Take care.

Answer 2

He is not the type of man you want a long relationship (speak marriage) with.
Either he really means it and then this means he is jealous to the degree of insane and controlling. Those guys are the worst, keep a big distance. Just because those guys can get so deep into their wrong world and wrong ideas that they can come back and kill you.

Or the other possibility is that he does not mean it but uses you and manipulates you with the accusations. That would be really bad too.

Although it is relay hard to go away from someone who you really really like - this here is the opportunity to cut the ties with him without making him real mad.

There are a lot of really goo men out there - you will meet a new one with a better character. No worries!

Answer 3

Here's a possibility out of left field; maybe he's been running around on you.

It's an odd result, but it can be a reaction of a cheating partner to suddenly become paranoid that their partner has been cheating on them, and all the things they used to get away with, if they see you doing the same thing (but in your case may be truly benign), they misread it and jump to that conclusion.

This could have been triggered by guilt if you two, like you say, had just had this bonding time where you were making plans. He may have started dealing with the idea that he had done you wrong, and couldn't handle it.

So, throw it back at him. Tell him he's full of it, and for all you know he's reacting so wierd because he cheated on you. See what he does with that one.

One caveat; I don't know him from Adam, if he's been getting particularly violent with his accusations or making any threats, I would not provoke him in this manner.

In any event, you can't really do anything with him while he's acting like this, so maybe you should take this as your red flag and move on.

Answer 4

Sometimes people who accuse are the ones cheating themselves, but that's not always the case. Maybe after all the talk about getting serious, your boyfriend got scared. Maybe he has been through heartache before and the thought of going through it again is too much and he wants to push you away a little.
I would talk to him and tell him how you feel about him and how you feel about cheating, and tell him that it goes both ways. You could just as easily accuse him of cheating, but you don't because in a healthy relationship you need to trust your partner.

If he can't come to terms with his problem, then you'll probably want to move on. It's not fun being with someone who is insecure. Your boyfriend should be able to trust you and vice versa.

Answer 5

My journey is that once someone is accusing it is because they're doing the same ingredient they're accusing you of. also, seem at his father and how he's at the same time with his mom or the female he's with. this can be a realized habit. this isn't actual both. My fiancee grow to be very insecure for years after strolling in on his first spouse and yet another guy on the settee (in the act of) even as she grow to be pregnant with their first newborn. After that he relied on no lady. at the same time he and that i have talked and labored in this. I actually have had to undergo the questioning and different strangest stuff, like now unlikely out and any little area of help him artwork by skill of his fears. Now, I in uncomplicated words did this because he's the single. also, I observed progression, you do not opt to allow him to grow to be controlling and lose your self to him. there's a great line. Now after about 2 years, i visit bypass out with who ever and he knows i'm straightforward. i imagine it isn't person-friendly to appreciate that men are people too and function emotions, once they're stepped on adequate they grow to be jaded and do not opt to believe back. this isn't a person-friendly answer question, there is no longer adequate information to provide a particular answer. My suggestion is that if he's properly well worth the time, analyze why he's behaving this way and communicate over with him. when you're literally not being unfaithful and he's no longer keen to study the thanks to regulate, then GET OUT! do not grow to be a statistic, there are such an rather good type of different men in the international to be less than an abusers thumb. good luck.

Answer 6

He might be doing this to cover up his own guilt for possibly cheating on you. This sort of thing seems to happen a lot when a male is cheating himself. I've been there, so I know how you must feel especially going on a nice vacation together and feeling the tight bond. I was engaged to the man that pulled this on me. Wasn't until I left to another State to stay with a friend for 3 weeks when a few of my "Birdie" friends told me they had seen him with the girl he had been cheating with. Don't know what to say other than, go out and find someone you deserve better than this treatment. There's going to be someone out there who is not going to accuse you of something you're not doing.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

In my experience, many times when someone just starts acting wierd like this, its because someone else has been telling him lies and he is all confused as to what to believe. In fact, sometimes the person making up the lies or rumors is just another guy who wants a chance with you, and wants to break up the relationship so he can have a turn. Sometimes it is a girl who wants to break you both up so she can have a try at HIM. Sometimes its just mean people being jealous to see anybody else be happy while they are lonely and miserable. I have seen people slip into doubt after they hear a few lies, they will say they don't believe it but then they act weird like they kind of do.

However, I also know guys who just want to break up because they are tired of you, just not that into you, because someone hotter came along, whatever, and they are just plain spineless about telling you what is really up.

Or he could be the jealous controlling type, just trying to emotionally punish you for not jumping to his every command. But I think you would know by now if he was one of those.

Answer 8

You know, it could be anything....
he may have cold feet about the relationship heading towards marriage...
maybe he's just very insecure, has be been like this before?...

I hate to say it again, but it is possible he's guilty of something himself.....

I think the only thing you can do is see if he'll have a sit down with you and try to work out the problem, see if there's more to it. You can't in turn jump to conclusions yourself . But make sure you watch out for yourself too, don't let it go too easily.
I hope it works out for you!

Answer 9

He's trying to put some distance between you since you just got back from a vacation where you spent a lot of time together and talked about getting married. He's scared so he's looking for some excuse to back away from you....for now until he's had some time and space to miss you. I think the ball is in his court. If he cares for you, he'll call, and if he doesn't, he wasn't right for you if the committment talk scared him off.

Answer 10

You're boyfriend is just finding an excuse to dump you. Perhaps he was not happy with the ways things turned out during your vacation together. Somehow, he got turned off.

He just cannot tell you directly because he knew its not a good excuse as a reason for the break up, so he made up all of these things.