When your best friend disappoints you GREATLY?

Question

My best friend of 20 years has hurt me so incrediably bad. My husband walked off and left me June 1st, and she's only called maybe a handful of times and been to see me only once (she lives an hour away and her parents live in the same town as I do). I feel so hurt that she's "abandoned" me. I have been there for her through thick and thin and would drop everything at the drop of a hat for her. And now that I actually needed her, she completly droped the hat. What should I do?

I've called her and told her I needed her, and she would get mad and say "Well, I have a life too!!". And I would literally look at the phone I'm holding in my hand in shock. When I would try to talk to her about any of it, she would say, "I don't want to be in the middle". So, I told her I would respect that. I just don't understand.

She and my hubby don't have anything going on, he moved 3 states over to be with the woman he met on-line.

Answer 1

It's possible that maybe you are more nurturing than her. It doesn't mean that she doesn't care. She might just not be as sensitive as you are. It happens to me all the time. I find people doing things to me that I could never do to them. I agree with you, I can't believe you can tell her you need her and she tells you she is busy. But we have to accept each other if you want to stay friends. Plus the more we expect, the better chance you have of being disappointed. Sorry. I hope she realizes you really need her soon.

Answer 2

That is when you are told that she after all was not the friend you have hoped and longed and worked for. And that, dear Creation is one of the major setbacks and heartaches known to mankind. I fully understand your pain, loss, anger and frustration. You have every right to feel hurt. In close human relationships there is hardly any room for cold showers or calculated geometrical (or algebraical for that matter) moves. We by virtue of being humans have this part (yet unchartered by the science) called emotions and they are entirely our own. No amount of rationlization works in that arena. Why would you give her considerations and grace marks when she has actually abondoned you when you needed her most. Are you sure she was your friend to begin with and not your husband's. Her inhumanity (yes I have no problems using the nomenclature) will someday come back to her as that is in the schemes of things around us. We are bound to reap what we sow. We still make friends and we should because her being inconsiderate should not make us shut ourselves from other friends who might be far more helpful. Think of it as fate which wanted to come out of this crisis without her help and all on your own. You will emerge a better, resolute person and she might try to befriend you again. It will be your turn to be magnanimous and make her realize what she did to you, if you deem it fit. Otherwise good old forgiveness is still around. I only hope you get over this crisis very soon and hey, there are good friends to be found, always, everywhere:)
Good luck.
P.S: Now that you have gone through 'call her and tell her' ordeal you are angrier and confused than before. Don't try to understand is my sincere advice. What is there to understand is called discovering a mean, subhuman lifestyle and selfishness. Just be strong on your own and that you are doing already:)

Answer 3

That is too bad. If it were me, I'd find a new "best friend." A real best friend wouldn't do something like that to you. Not when you're going through an ordeal like you are. I would reach out to other people, a church group, other family friends, neighbors, places you go in town, etc. There has to be a group of people going through a similar situation that can help you cope with this and maybe you can find a more reliable friend to count on to talk to about what you're going through. And when your "best friend" of 20 years calls, just say,"sorry, no time to talk,I'm busy." And hang up. Maybe she will get the hint. And maybe she won't, but at least you'll have someone there for you who will help you go through this horrible time. I hope this helped. Good luck!

Answer 4

There is nothing you can do. Accept her as she is.
She may of not known how to handle this situation and therefore found it easier not to even get involved. We all would love to have someone that we can always depend on especially when the one that we thought was that person walks out the door. But people aren't always able to handle such trauma from their friends.
And maybe your friend just didn't know what to say, or know how to give you support so ...she didn't. And sometimes the support we think we want and need from our friends is not what we want and we actually wind just as disappointed as you are now.

Maybe she didn't agree with you and sided with your husband and she just didn't want to tell you. There could be other reasons, her life could be in a mess too, that you are unaware of.

If you care for her and she is important in your life, let it go, and contact yourself, with no other reason but to see how she is. Friendship is hard, it takes one to keep it alive, and maybe you are that one that needs to just walk that extra step and forget the past and ALWAYS be there for her.

Answer 5

If you have been best friends with this person for 20 years pick up the phone and call her! She probably isn't sure what to say to you or maybe she doesn't want to take sides. She hasn't really abandoned you -- that's what your husband did. If you need to talk to her call her. Don't be angry with her for not calling, she's not a mind reader. If you were sick, went to the doctor once and then started feeling even worse would you expect the doctor to just know that? No, you would pick up the telephone and call the doctor. Call her tomorrow.

Answer 6

How often did you see her before your husband walked out? Could it be that she's siding with your husband? Maybe she feels he was right to walk out on you? On the other hand, have you considered that she might be going through a difficult time herself? Maybe she hasn't told you about it because she knows you are overwhelmed with your own problems. There's so many possible explanations and her being your best friend I think you must ask her what is going on. You must also let her know in no uncertain terms how much you need her friendship right now.

Answer 7

Don't automatically expect that she will do for you what you would do for her. Assuming she's not too busy or having problems of her own, let her know that you're feeling abandoned by her during this difficult time when you need her most by not spending enough time with you. Let her know this is the time when you need her support and understanding. Consider also the possibilty that she may be giving you some space for yourself to sort things out on your own. Without knowing you and your best friend's relationship, it's hard to give advice to you on this board. The best thing to do is to let her know how you feel. This is what friends are for.

Answer 8

YOur putting to much on your friend, the culprit is your spouse that abandoned you and the marriage. The friend may not know what to say or do and feels out of touch with what your expectations of them are! Look inside yourself and blame the right people for the emotions your feeling now, you and your spouse are the only ones accountable. BE a friend back and love your friend inspite of the feelings, 20 years is alot to throw away!

Answer 9

It does sound such as you're dispappointed, yet he's your buddy, top? i be conscious of which you do no longer agree together with his attitude to life, and that i'm maximum helpful, he does not believe yours. yet, each and every physique has their very own diverse personalities, and methods of life, and that's what makes us unique. i does no longer choose your buddy. I even have an excellent sort of pals who've diverse religions, and that i've got got here upon that the main suitable thank you to comprehend, is to learn approximately it so which you will get an concept on why he has chosen this sort. pals are consistently, do no longer enable something like this are available in between you 2. Be his buddy. Be information. he continues to be a similar individual you have sought after for goodbye.

Answer 10

I know how you feel. I feel that a lot. I would drop everything for someone who'se hurting....why aren't they doing it for me now? But I've come to realize that I tend to be a little extra sensitive to other people's feelings and don't always realize that not everyone else is. Some people just aren't as sensitive to others feelings, they don't realize you're hurting, and honestly just need to be asked. Reach out to her, honey. She may just not know what to do or how to be and may be giving you your space.