Clean but funny jokes here please. And I mean it. if you place a single dirty joke on here I will report it.?

Answer 1

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages. I hope, it helps u.

Answer 2

A woman went into a bar and sat down next to a man who would swallow a pill, take a drink and go to the window of the 15th story building and jump out, fly around come back in take another pill and do the same thing again. After watching this a few times the woman asked if she could have one of those pills. The man gave her one she swallowed it, took a drink, jumped out the window and fell 15 stories to her death. The bartender looked at the man at the bar and said, "you sure get mean when you drink, Superman."

Answer 3

Here is a clean joke for you. What's the big deal if someone doesn't like dirty jokes? If you don't have a clean joke, all you have to do is not post anything!

A Jewish woman, a Catholic woman and a Baptist woman all die and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates and asks the Jewish woman what she brought to heaven. "The Star of David" she proudly says. St. Peter turns to the Catholic woman and asks her the same question. "I brought my rosary beads" she says. St. Peter then turns to the Baptist woman and says "And what about you?" The Baptist woman looks back at him and says "A covered dish of course" !

Answer 4

A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again for no reason."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"

The brunette says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

Answer 5

Survivor, Texas Style



A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Bush, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."

The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

Answer 6

There were three construction workers eating their lunch together, a redheaded guy, a brunette guy, and a blonde guy. The redheaded guy opened his lunch and found a bologna sandwich.

"Again! Every day, a bologna sandwich. If my wife makes me a bologna sandwich for lunch tomorrow, I'll jump off this scaffolding," he said.

The brunette guy opened his lunch and found a tuna sandwich.

"I hate tuna! If my wife makes me tuna tomorrow, I'll jump, too!"

The blond guy opened his lunch and found a PBJ sandwich.

"If I find a PBJ in my lunch tomorrow I'll jump, too!"

The next day, the redheaded guy found a bologna sandwich in his lunch, and jumped off the scaffolding to his death. When the brunette guy saw his tuna sandwich, he jumped as well. Then the blonde guy found his PBJ, and also jumped.

A few days later, their wives had a joint funeral for the men. The redhead's wife was sobbing, "If only I had known! I never would have made him bologna again!" The brunette's wife was crying, "I didn't know he hated tuna! Why did this happen!" They looked at the blonde guy's wife, and she said, "Don't look at me, the idiot made his own lunch."

Answer 7

A man and his wife entered a dentist's office.
The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."

The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

Answer 8

A pig fell in the mudd.

To diry for ya babe? Am I getting reported?

Answer 9

And what qualifications do you possess to make that judgment of what is decent or not? Threats of censorship do not belong here. Your attempt to violate other's First Amendment rights deserves to be reported.

Answer 10

a plane was loaded with paratroopers ready to jump. the light came on and everyone jumped until the last guy came. the drill instructor told him to jump, he said he was scared. he said just jump out and yell geronamo and pull the chute cord. he pushed the last guy out and closed the door. walking away, he heard a load knocking on the plane door. puzzled he opened it to see the last guy flapping his arms asking, what was that indians name again!

Answer 11

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.