Tell me exactly how to handle this, please?

Question

There's this older guy at work-- he's nice and he means well, but he's waaaay too touchy-feely, not just with me but with pretty much all the girls I work with. Some of them have gone to mgmt. about him, but I don't think anything was ever done-- should I say something, too? I'd hate for this dude to get into trouble, but he's acting kinda perverted, and it's making alot of us uncomfortable.

I'd also like to add a comment here: I have talked to several girls who've told me that they reported this guy to mgmt. Also, he once called a friend of mine(who no longer works there) "honey" and wouldn't stop, even when she politely asked him to. This guy also told me about a year ago that he wanted to "do her". Gross!!

Answer 1

You asked exactly what you should do, and this is it. You should tell this person when they do it that you are sure they mean no harm but that it makes you uncomfortable and you would like them to not do it, please. Be firm and polite, not wishy-washy. Make a note of it somewhere ... date and details. If it happens again after you've told him, tell him again firmly that you do not want him to do that and you will have no choice but to report him since you already told him quite plainly. Don't worry about the polite this time. Then, go straight to your immediate supervisor and report it. Tell them you understand that they will not be able to tell you details of how it was handled but that you do want to be informed when it has been addressed with the employee. Go back to your original note and document the date, the incident and who you told. If some time passes and you don't hear from the supervisor, go back and ask about it. If you don't get a satisfactory answer, go to either the head of human resources or your supervisor's boss. This is sexual harrassment, if it is unwanted attention, which it obviously is. Just be sure you document in case it escalates or doesn't get handled properly. The minute a supervisor is made aware of a problem like this and does not handle it, that person and the company are liable for the unwanted behavior of the employee and can be successfully sued.

Answer 2

If you don't want him to get into trouble tell HIM that he's out of line. If he still doesn't stop, then tell his boss. Period.

I say this because I'm a very phisical contact oriented guy (hugs, hand on shoulder, hold hands, touch forearm while talking sort of thing) with my friends\colleagues, but the difference is I DON'T touch people in a way that will make them uncomfortable, and I make an effort not to get too close with anyone that doesn't like it - give him the chance to stop (in case it IS just his personality), but only give him ONE CHANCE. After that, he KNOWS he's doing it, and deserves as much hassle as he gets.

That ONE chance is the difference between unconcious behaviour, and physical assault - it doesn't have to be hitting or punching to be assault - just knowingly unwanted.

Answer 3

if you don't think you can talk to the guy and say hey i know you don't mean anything by it but it makes me and the other girls feel uncomfortable when you.... then you have no other choice to go to management and tell them that you know other girls have complained and he has still not stopped that this is sexual harassment and that word will really open their eyes because of the threat of a law suit. Put a strong face on it and make sure they know you mean business. Good luck i hope it works.

Answer 4

My first question would be: Are you positive that other women have complained to management? It's my understanding that complaints like this are confidential human resource matters, and are thus not able to be discussed in the open. If you haven't done so already, just tell him that you find is behavior towards you uncomfortable. If this fails to stop his unwanted actions, rather than go directly to management, I'd have a private, confidential meeting with your human resource rep. to discuss the situation and get their advise, and then progress from there.

Answer 5

i say go to management for sure and if they wont do nothing about this guy then get the better business bureau involved and if that dont work then get the poice involved. I mean just keep working your way up the ladder until someone is able to do something otherwise try and find a different job so that you dont need to deal with that issue no longer.

Answer 6

Sexual Harrassment..no questions asked. Why do you feel bad about getting him in trouble? Obviously he does not respect women and needs to be taught a lesson in anyway, shape or form. Since management is not doing anything about it, you should go the next step up to try to get action taken against this pervert.

Answer 7

I might try putting an anonymous note on his desk explaining if he doesn't stop the touchy feely thing he'll be reported. If he doesn't straighten up REPORT HIM. There are laws to protect you in the work enviroment. Good Luck Girl.

Answer 8

On one hand you don't like the touchy feely.On the other hand you don't want to get him in trouble.Then you go back to him being a pervert.You as well as the other ladies have a choice to make.First make sure he knows that a petition is going around.That might,i said might stop him in his tracks.If it doesn't you ladies get together a petition with all of your names on it and submit it to your supervisor.If the threat of exposing him doesn't work and you ladies do nothing you may as well get use to the old guy touching and feeling on all of you because he will have free access to do as he please.And all of you will be giving it to him.

Answer 9

Tell him to get to Leykis 101. He needs the Professor's help to not be making these kind of mistakes.

Here is what Tom says about dating co-workers. If nothing else, print this out and give it to him:
Dipping your friend in the company ink is a strict no-no.

In fact, you should not engage in any conversation with a woman at work unless it directly relates to work. Do not compliment them. Do not ask them out to dinner. Your conversation outside of work should be limited to Good (Morning / Afternoon / Evening). If you go beyond this, you're a lawsuit waiting to happen. If you do date a coworker and you break up, things can get tense around the office (especially if it was a nasty breakup). She can sabotage your career or, worse, file lawsuits claiming sexual harassment. At the minimum, you will have to see her every day, and maybe collaborate with her frequently. It's just not worth it. With all the background checks employers perform, if a sexual harassment lawsuit pops up you can say good buy to that job.

The courts are very hostile towards men in this regard as well, so just play it safe. If women want to be engaged in normal conversation, they can lobby the courts to be more lenient first. We're not going to risk our future to try to get a date with someone who, for all we know, is waiting for a guy to say "nice skirt" so she can claim sexual harassment and settle for a large sum of money.

Report all sexual harassments! If do not report it then it means that it is acceptable for a women to sexually harass men and get away with it.

Answer 10

Is he a supervisor or just a co-worker? If he's in any position of authority, you can all go to his superior and very gently tell that person if they don't do something they're looking at a sexual harassment lawsuit. I can almost guarantee something will be done.