my boyfriend doesnt trust me, should I be cool and wait for him to?!?

Question

My boyfriend wanted my friend's # so he could ask him if I did somethin with him or was planning to, and then got mad at me when I told him I wasnt going to give him his #. He thought that I had somethin to hide b/c I didnt give it to him, when all along he shouldnt have even asked for it. He also says that I shouldnt be upset if he doesnt trust me and that I have to allow him to decide when he is able to trust me. I have never cheated on him and I never will and it really hurts that he would try and ask someone else about my loyalty....so should I be mad and leave him or wat? I mean how do I get passed somethin like this and forgive him when I never gave him reasons before to not trust me?

Answer 1

If you have never given him any reason not to trust you then he has jealousy issues and you probably won't ever be able to change him. He doesn't like the fact that you have a male friend. It's that pure and simple. So you have 2 choices. Either keep the friend and dump the un-trusting boyfriend or or keep the boyfriend and dump the friend which hasn't done anything. Not a hard decision if you ask me.

Answer 2

Well, it seems obvious to me that he is a little insecure and that he has been hurt, really bad in the past. Let me just tell you that it is really hard to forget the past when you start dating someone new and that is probably what he is going through. Has he ever told you why he has trust issues with women? Maybe that is something the 2 of you need to sit down and talk about and put his insecurities at ease. People who have been hurt bad in the past, you will need to have a lot of patience and a lot of reassurance to them that you are loyal. Let him know that you are not like that and that you have never cheated and never will and that you only want to be with him.

Second of all, I want you to think long and hard about your actions. Maybe he has a reason to be jumping to conclusions about what you were doing with a friend. So let me ask you this.....in what way do you think that YOU could be giving him a reason to mistrust you? Please don't take this the wrong way, I am not trying to accuse you of anything, just trying to make you view the relationship from his side. Have you done anything that may make him question or GIVE HIM a reason to be insecure? I can definitely tell you that he has been cheated on before, so you must have done something for him to question your behavior and actions. To understand him better, try to put yourself in his shoes and try to see what he is seeing. He sees you out with another male friend, right? And not with him? How would you feel if the role was reversed and he was with a female friend? Maybe that will help you understand maybe how he is feeling. And by you not giving him the number reaffirms that you were doing something you weren't supposed to.....in his eyes at least. I would say, if you don't have anything to hide, then go ahead and give him your friend's number anyway, just to patronize him, but discuss this later that he must trust you to make the right decision and if not then this relationship will not go very far.

As far as being with this guy. This is up to you. How much do you love this person? If you think he is worth it, then stay with him. If you, as a person don't think you can handle his insecurities, then please get rid of him before things get even more complicated. But, just as any relationship its going to take a lot of love and patience and time. So good luck!

Answer 3

A lot of couples break up over the issue of mistrust. The problem does not belong to just the person that does not trust!! Most people think this is the case. It is not. Security in a relationship should be a commitment by both of the parties.

Saying that, there are people that are less secure than others. It requires understanding of the issues involved in creating an atmosphere that breeds mistrust.

You have an attitude that breeds mistrust. You refuse to believe that part of the problem is your attitude. You will never have a trusting relationship with an attitude that breeds mistrust. Your partner (no matter who he is) will never trust you, unless he is just plane blind and deaf. You proved this by not allowing your boyfriend to reassure himself and restore his confidence in you.

An attitude that is consistent with one in a trusting relationship will be one that gives reassurance of love to the person in the relationship that needs it, instead of anger. It would also refrain from doing things that would have the effect of causing insecurity in the other person.

Both parties should have an attitude that promotes a secure feeling in the other party. That is what is usually needed to prevent insecurity. You are supposed to reassure the person you love of the love you have for them or they will eventually not be secure in the love. That is just being human.

There are individuals that find it impossible to feel secure, but they are usually few and far between.

Most insecure people have been watching someone they love give them many reasons to feel insecure without explaining what they are doing or how they really feel and have good reason to feel insecure regardless of how faithful their partner has been.

How faithful you have been is not the important issue here.
How faithful you are perceived to have been is the issue.
You are not doing anything to change the perception that I can see.

Answer 4

Girl you are better off with out him I just dumped my bf for the same reason and I have never done anything to make him not trust me. We had been together for 2 years and before that we were together for 1 1/2 years and he didn't trust me at all through any of this and I never did anything to make him not trust me some people just have trust issues and i can't be with someone like that.

Answer 5

just talk to him about it, I mean he might have had alot of bad experiences with girls and cheating. I mean maybe his last girlfriend cheated on him with her best guy friend. So well he could still be insecure and unsure about things, if you feel he is worth it, then just talk it out with him, find out why he feels that he can't trust you. And well include how you would never cheat on him ever in there somewhere, when the right moment comes of course. Don't give up so easily, give it some time, and find out what's bothering him. If he has stupid reasons, then you can consider finding somebody alot better than him.

Answer 6

Trust lost can never be recovered. Best to move on with your life. Only bad things can happen from the distrust in a realtionship/ Before you know it abuse may start and that is no life to live. Take the pain now instead of later and find someone new.

Answer 7

honey, ur boyfriend not trusting u and being sesnsitive abt the issue, means that he himself has something 2hide. it's obvious u trust him and he never gave u anything 2make u not trust him, unlike him, so i have an idea, why don't u make him feel that u don't trust him abt a certain issue, and when he tells u that there's no reason 4u 2not trust me, tell him, see how it hurts when some1 doesn't trust u 4no reason, this is how i feel, and it hurts, if u love me then u should trust me and believe everyword i say and not even think abt checking up on it. i think he'll understand how u feel, and will start 2trust u more everyday. good luck :)

Answer 8

Sometimes when a guy doesn't trust you its because he has his own issues on the subject. Maybe he wants to cheat on you, probably not, but just be careful. Tell him insecurity doesn't "seem like his style", you know....trying to lighten the subject. All else fails, tell him to shape up or you will find someone who won't bother you with such problems. There are PLENTY of good guys out there without insecurity issues. Maybe you need to find one of those. Good luck!!!!

Answer 9

u have to talk to him.. tell him what u usually do when u not with him.. if he insist on asking ur fren.. checking or looking for evidence..u say this is rude and insulting..what will ur frens think if ur bf keep calling them to ask what u did with them? ur frens will leave u! tell him that u dunt like him calling ur frens up.. and if he cant trust u now.. leave him..dunt waste ur precious youth..u deserve someone who can trust u.. actually i understand that it's hard to trust one when u two are newly together.. but still invading other;s privacy is bad..u have to trust no matter wat if u decide to be with someone.. then slowly know him/her better..which eventually mean trust more.. good luck and hope u can make good decision

Answer 10

Your boyfriend is with courtesy telling you that he needs some area. maximum adult men do not desire to be sure an identical guy or woman established for a million.5 years. he won't cheat on you there, by using fact he ought to easily as hardship-free cheat on you in his residing house city. he's having adult men week out. you do not desire to pass to Vegas by using fact you're too youthful, and there is not something relaxing for you there. have confidence him, and take a examine out to regulate with the aid of your self for a week. i think of you have the flexibility to deal with it.