Does anyone have any riddles or jokes? Who ever has the best gets ten points! I play a game with my family but now I'm all out of riddles and jokes! Riddle answers have to be short. Also, Joke Q&A Must be relatively short, here's several examples:
Why does Dracula have a pen? To draw blood.
Why do golfers have two pairs of pants? In case they make a hole-in-one.
Ten points to the best ones!
2006-08-13 13:44:50 · 8 answers · asked by SithGirl8 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.
He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.
When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
2006-08-13 20:29:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud
What do you call a camal with 3 humps?
Humphreys
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies !
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
DAMN!
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
How do you stop a fish from smelling?
Cut its nose off
What do you call a fish with no eye ?
FSH !
What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
I have no I-Deer
What is invisable and smells like carrots?
Rabbit farts.
What is a dogs favourite school subject?
"Dog-Ruff-E "
Why are there no asprins in the jungle?
Because the Parots-ate-em-all
Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Why do gerillas have big nostralls?
Coz they got big fingers!!!!!!!!!
What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
Lipstick
2006-08-13 13:48:25 · answer #2 · answered by LiTlE mIsSy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bubba didn't know what the sign in the store window meant when he concocted an idea.
The sign said "Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair".
Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Ray, Look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back to Arkansas, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best Texas drawl."
They go in and Bubba says, "I'll take 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and ......"
The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Arkansas, aren't you?"
"Well...yes," says a surprised Bubba. "How come you know that?"
The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners."
2006-08-13 13:58:25 · answer #3 · answered by Marissa A 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A rooster was strutting around the henhouse one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow. The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock
2006-08-13 13:54:36 · answer #4 · answered by cowboys4lee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q: what's the diference between medium and rare?
A: Meium is 6inchs and rare is 12inchs.
Q How to make a blonde busy for 24hr.
A: send her in a round and tell her sit in the corner
2006-08-13 14:48:03 · answer #5 · answered by coolthug_gt 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NOT SHORT BUT ITS A GOOD ONE!!! ;)
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his redheaded wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his redhead with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the poolman, and your brother."
2006-08-13 13:59:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What does a s l u t eat for breakfast?
Pornflakes
2006-08-13 13:49:25 · answer #7 · answered by puggtiracer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you had a feather in one hand and a zippo in the other.
which is the lighter.
2006-08-13 14:01:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋