Am i wrong for wanting a baby?

Question

heres the thing im adopted, i was adopted into an older family, so my siblings , cousins are 15+. Ive never been close to anyone because the ages are so far apart. I always wished i have someone in my family close to my age that i can bond with.
Im 19 yrs old my boyfriend is 24 , we both want children, we both bring in together $900 a week. We're not married but do plan on it, then again im not the religious type that thinks you need to be marry to have a baby.
Anyways , my sister has 3 kids , 2 girls that are 9 and 5, and she just had a baby 1 month ago. I want to have a baby sometime in the next 5 yrs so its close to age , and so my baby can have the family i never got. Is this wrong?

i know i should get married, which i would if i got preg. before mariage

I didnt say i want a baby for someone to love me. My life is great, but i also get sad when i see that my family is 15 yrs apart from me, me aunts are in there 70, and im only 19. I want my baby to have a family that his/her aunts are not the age of a grandma, or cousins that are in there 20s. How is that me being selfish? Know one knows how this feels unless there in my position

Answer 1

If you have children because you want somebody to love and somebody to love you, it's the wrong reason. If you have a child because you are ready to stop putting yourself first....then go for it and good luck.

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong with desiring children, however this should be balanced with the spirit of a giving heart. You want children to fill something in your life that is not there. Children are often about sacrifice as much as they are about the joy they bring. If you feel you are spiritually ready to give your life for your child then I say go for it. If this decision is more about you than your perspective child then I'd wait and mature a bit first. In any case I wish you well on making this decision.

Edit: If you get pregnant before marriage either commit yourself to raise the child no matter what or give that child up for adoption. There are many loving couples that will even pay dearly for such an opportunity.

Answer 3

No, you are not wrong to want a baby. You reasons for wanting a baby, however, are wrong. You want someone to love and love you back, someone to be close to. You want to 'use' a baby to try and make yourself happy. The bad news is that it doesn't work that way. Trust me, I tried it when I was 19. Babies are great, but they're little sucking machines. They don't give back the way you're thinking. They take, take, take. And there's nothing wrong with that, but in order to be a good mother, you need to be secure enough to give, give, give without resentment. At 19, most women have A LOT of living to do. Just because you're not going out every weekend is not a good reason to have a baby. Your life will be entirely different in two years, if you give yourself the chance. There are exciting things in the world waiting for you. If you tie yourself down with a baby, you won't ever see those things and you're unlikely to ever be really financially set. You won't be able to work with a baby, remember, so your income just went to $450 a week. Unless you're going to stick your kid in daycare and then what's the point of having one if someone else is going to raise it?! Even then, you'll need to fork out about $700 a month in daycare fees. Do you really want to struggle forever? I didn't think so :) Do yourself a favor and your future children one too. Wait.

It appears as though most reasonable people here are telling you the same thing: Wait. You asked a question and people were nice enough to answer it honestly for you. Why are you questioning the answers here? You asked for them, afterall.

You've already made up your mind. You're going to get yourself pregnant and then say "Oh crap! What have I done?!" You'll be back on here asking people how to get yourself out of one mess after another. If you don't care what peoples' answers are, why do you ask?

You think your so different than me?! You're NOT. You're just like the rest of us, you're no different. Quit fooling yourself into thinking that you're 'different' and different rules apply to you ...because you're so special and unique. Honey, wake up and understand that you are not a suitable parent ...yet.

Let me ask you this. If you were a little kid in heaven, looking down and choosing your parents, would you choose you and your 'boyfriend' or would you choose a married couple who are financially secure who would also love you just as much? Let's kick in the part about college. Would you choose the parents who can afford private school, sports and college or the parents who are making just enough to get by (which is what you are)?

If you've already finished college and have a lot of money in the bank, a great husband who can support you without your income, go for it, but that's not what you said.

On a final note: Babies are only babies for a year. After that, they're a KID ...a little person, not a babbling, drooling baby. You're thinking about a baby, you're not considering a person.

Answer 4

Of course, wanting a baby is natural as your body produces hormones that encourage you to do so. Procreation is one of the basic drives of life and capable of overriding other considerations such as logic, etc.

Is it the right time for you to have a baby? Certainly no one can answer this question for you (especially not strangers in a forum like this, but probably not even intimate friends could give you a final, categorical answer).

The questions you need to ask yourself include the following:

Are you ready to make the sacrifices you need to make to properly care for a baby who will be your responsibility for the next 20 years or so? (Give up your childless lifestyle, do without things you want, put your entire focus on this child.)

Is your relationship, whether legally married or not, strong enough to expect the lifelong commitment children need, so that they have a good chance of growing up with two loving parents?

Are your finances secure enough to provide adequate food, clothing and shelter for your child? (Luxuries and ownership of property are not essential to the process. They can make it easier and better in ways, but many poor people have successfully raised wonderful children. Just being certain of being able to provide the necessities is what matters here.)

Though the extended family connections and age compatabilities are not meaningless, they should not be the final determining point. If you and your partner are ready, willing and able to care for, love, provide for and be there for a child over the long haul, then do what you want to do. Anything else is just gravy.

Answer 5

no you are not wrong...its natural. i have a 2yr old niece and she is the only baby in the family. most of my family grew up close so me and my cousin grew up together. so i understand where you are coming from.
so with my niece being 2 and the only child i felt she'd grow up alone with only school friends. i'm 22 and didn't want kids until i was older..i figured i'd be finacially stable later on...but things never happen the way we plan and now i'm 4month preg...so it may be a whil until my niece can actually play with her cousin...but i think it will worth it
make sure thing b/w you and you bf work out b/c havin a child to keep the relationship together is not a great idea

Answer 6

if you and your boyfriend think you are ready to have kids and think youll be able to take care of them. but dont make the kids illigitimate children get married first make sure you guys can have a life outside of kids first. and its not a bad thing that you want to have a kid in the next five months to make your sisters kids have something you didnt get when you were younger. but have to make sure you are emotionally and physically ready for a child. 19 isnt as young as it used to be in the past more teens younger then 18 are having kids then older couples. so you make the choice but it isnt a bad thing its just a feeling that teen gets but some are young and act on there emotions and dont think about it. not putting down any teens who had kids at young ages and kept their kids theyre lucky to have made a life for a child at such a young age being it is hard

Answer 7

No ones knows but you. I was 21 and my husband , then boyfriend was, 20. Man we were morons, from crappy families, and broke to boot. It was hard, it still is and we are going on 10 years. I have two kids and let me tell you, they are magnificent. But it was a real rocky road to get where we are. We almost divorced a couple of times...man I wanted to strangle him for like 3 years running. Your guys will grow and change. We were not ready, but we had one thing going for us...We both wanted a family, because neither of us had a remotely decent one. And that want, to create the family we always wanted as children, is what pulled us through the times when we both wanted to walk. Once that child comes, it is no longer what is best for you..it is what is best for them.

Answer 8

$900 can be alot or can be a little depending on where you live, a baby can be very expensive, I suggest you get married wait a yr, make sure you have insurance and money put back for any emergency, and have your baby. You may not think its imporatnat to be married but dont you want your children to know there parnets loved each other enough to have a commitment to each other. If you are not ready for a commitment to each other are you sure you are ready for children?

Answer 9

Just make sure when you do have kids you are financially able to be a stay at home mom to take care of them yourself. My daughter had a baby 4 months ago and finds it devastating to go to work everyday and leave her. Even though I take watch the baby and I'm the baby's grandmother and take excellent care of her, my daughter cries every day over the fact that she wants to be there for her. I had my 1st baby at 17 then another one at 19. Luckily I had a husband who had a well paying job so we could afford for me to stay at home.

Answer 10

Very simply, no (as in no, it's not wrong). But I don't really believe in "right" and "wrong", so much as practical and impractical. I would say having a child so young is impractical, but then again, lots of people do impractical stuff, which is fine, as long as they are willing to ACCEPT the consequences, TAKE responsibility, and most importantly (in my opinion) if it makes them happy.