would you help your mother out?

Question

with her house if it meant using all the money you have in the world and there be no guarntee that you will have a place to stay the next month or she might put you out and your drug addict brother might be stealing everything of yours including food and the mother our mother never says anything to him. so would you give her every dime you had not know if she will not f*uck her money the next month and have her house in forclosure again, then you still will not have a place to stay? or should i keep it and try to pay for my own cheap apartment?

my mother is around 73 and my brother is around 43 and has been on drugs for a long time and this is not her first time f*ucking up money for the house. my other brother who was paying the bills quit his job and now she is left with no one to help pay the other 400 needed. but like i said there is no gauranntee that me and my 2 kids will have a place to stay or be safe with the brother a drug addict and all

Answer 1

If YOU are the one putting up this money then you should DEFINITELY (BEFORE GIVING HER A DIME) lay down some VERY SERIOUS GROUND RULES...#1:...the drug addict brother...GETS SOME INPATIENT TREATMENT STARTING NOW (he would be enrolled and moved in BEFORE I gave her a dime) #2:...She would give YOU access to her money for a minimum of the next six months so that YOU can make sure that her mortgage was paid BEFORE she f'd away her money as you so elloquently put it...and #3:....there would be a WRITTEN AGREEMENT (WITNESSED AND NOTARIZED) in place that says during this time you WOULD BE ALLOWED to live at that address no matter what so long as you were respectful to her and the property. and then of course you would need to add any other rules you felt necessary to secure the your 'investment' in this situation....because honestly it sounds to me as though you are never going to get your money back....sorry i hate to say that about mom but from what you've given me that sounds like the story to me...and you KNOW your 'drug addict brother' isn't going to come up with ANYTHING to HELP the situation.....so my first thing is that he needs to be OUT of the house and getting some help or he's going to drag EVERYONE around him down with him....that's 99.9% of the time...the way this all happens.....I've seen it too many times...

If you don't feel like a written agreement will such as the one i mentioned above will work then your best bet is to take your money and run...Find you a place of your own and TAKE CARE OF YOU....because if you can't take care of YOURSELF....HOW can you take care of SOMEONE ELSE?? Sometimes the only way you can help someone to learn from their mistakes is by letting them hit rock bottom. I know...I just had to go through this with my baby sister...and it hurts....it hurts like hell to see someone that you love going through problems like this but most of the time they have created the situation themselves and as long as you keep stepping up and picking them up...you're just ENABLING THEM TO CONTINUE on their destructive path. Mom SHOULD know by now ...how to manage her money well enough to pay her monthly mortgage....that SHOULD NOT be on you....in all honesty...i think your best bet is to GO YOUR OWN WAY.....YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST. There's no two ways about that....because if you don't you can't take care of anyone else. Best of luck to you....You're in my prayers.

After reading a couple other answers to this question i agree with them as you can tell by my answer...but one particularly said that if your mom will throw HER money away you know for sure and certain she'll throw YOURS away. It's ALOT EASIER TO BLOW SOMEONE ELSE'S MONEY THAN IT IS TO BLOW YOUR OWN. GET YOUR OWN PLACE AND LET THEM FEND FOR THEMSELVES. YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!

Answer 2

Keep your money. If your mother was making wise decisions and needed help I'd say help her if you can, but she's making bad decisions and throwing her money away. If you give her yours she'll throw it away too. I'm sort of in the same situation now. Not quite as bad, but we (my husband and I) cautiously help my mother. She tends to give into my drug addicted sister. My sister needs help and my mother is only helping her stay the way she is, not get better. My sister will never get help until my mother learns to say no. We don't mind helping my mom (we're at least a little bit financially able to) when she needs it, but not at the expense of my sister. If giving money to mom means more money will be given to my sister for drugs then we feel like we might as well be out there on the street buying the drugs for her. We just aren't going to do that. It doesn't win us any popularity, but that's okay with us.

Answer 3

I'm a mom and if I behaved in the way that you have described your mother I would not want my daughter to bail me out (heck, I'd be ashamed to take money from her!). So, no. Do not bail your mother out! You do not owe your mother that kind of love and loyalty. Take what you have and find yourself your own apartment. Start living your own life today. Concentrate on a career path and get the education you need to do something you enjoy doing. This is YOUR life. Go and live it and do not feel guilty about doing what is right for you. I know this is all easier said than done; but if you take care of you first then maybe someday down the line you can afford to help out your mother and get your brother some help.

Answer 4

You and your children come first. Your mom and brother are old enough to take care of themselves and should know that paying their bills is first priority. Since there are drugs and stealing involved - I would say to leave it be and let whatever happens happen. You need to worry about you and your kids and make sure that you all have money and a place to live. Don't let your brother/mom drag you into the same situation they are in.

Answer 5

Can you save her house from being foreclosed? Can you and your children live at her place without your drug addict brother? If you can answer yes to both questions, then by all means help your mom financially. But if your mom is not willing and/or able to get rid of your brother you will just be throwing out your money.

Answer 6

Keep your money! Been there done that. People like that dont change over night. In the end you will need to take care of yourself. It might sound selfish now, but you dont want to end up on the street with nothing. Theres no reason that you should and your mother and brother shouldnt make that happen.

Answer 7

you do need more help than you are going to get online.....find an Al-Anon support group to learn why your mom got as sick as your brother by living with the illness so long. You will grow by leaps and bounds in understanding everyone's role in this dreadful illness that does exist. AA and Al-Anon present an awesome way to live, regardless of whether you are a church goer, etc. "Let go and let God"......wishing you a healthy life.

Answer 8

I would look at helping her out, BUT I would also do so through a lawyer to see if I could cover my backside so to speak. Like I be allowed to live there, My name goes on the deed, this way you would legally have a say in things. BUT keep in mind if the house did get forclosed on your name is on the deed so your credit goes down the drain. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 9

I hate to say it but .......keep it and get your own place. It sounds like your mother has some issues to work through and, until she does, you'd just be throwing your money away. Suze Orman, the financial expert (see her website or tv show) always says "Never loan money to a relative."

Answer 10

Sometimes we need to become more selfish in order to protect our selves from relatives who are unable to take care of themselves. You are under no obligation to bail out family members who are drug addicts and thieves and who just throw their money away for no good reason. You have to be responsible for you first. Stop being a doormat!! It is difficult to let people fall on their faces, especially if they are relatives; but they are not your children so you are not responsible. Let them find someone else to play rescue rangers. Please do not do this to yourself, obviously they are not going to appreciate it. Hang tough and take care of yourself!!! Good luck.