My son is 13 years old. He has always been a very modest child. During potty training, he didn't want to stand to potty, he wanted to sit. It worked, I was happy, end of story or so I thought. I had a chat with him about his personal hygene... smelling in particular. As all men do, he leaves "skid marks" in his underware. When I mentioned the word bathroom, he started freaking out. He, to this day, still sits to go to the bathroom. I don't care, but his dad does. We have been divorced for 12 years. He visitation has been few and far between, not because of me. He started yelling that the last time he was at his dad's, he walked in on him going to the bathroom and forced him to try and "go" standing up. He tells me there are no locks on the bathroom door. He won't tell me if this was the first time, the last time he visited, several months ago, but since he no longer wants to go to his dads, I can guess its been ongoing and he just now told me. How do I handle this?
2006-08-13 12:30:21 · 16 answers · asked by princesspms 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Most of the people above are not moms...you can tell by the ridiculous reply. Many men sit while they urinate. Its not a big deal. There are women who stand while they do (not me, but it can be done) Whatever he is comfortable with. Its not child abuse for the Dad to walk in but if the door is closed he should respect his son's privacy. Just like his son should respect his, whether it is the bathroom, bedroom or wherever.
Oh, and he doesn't need therapy... He is normal!!
2006-08-13 12:39:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Is this your son's problem? Or yours? Or his dad's? If you son has no personal issue with how he is going to the bathroom..then don't ask him to change it. If his dad has an issue with it..then his dad needs therapy! Some boys are taught to go to the bathroom sitting down. Every culture is different. I would not call this child abuse, but I would call it too much control on your ex's part. Our society is entirely too caught up in 'male' 'female' roles. IF..your son wants to change..then get him some information and give him emotional support to change..otherwise..tell his dad to back off if he wants to see his son for visitation then he will have to let him be who he is..whether dad likes it or not!
2006-08-13 12:47:20 · answer #2 · answered by woman_w_brains 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all if he is having trouble with standing up to go to the bathroom then you may need to take him to a dr. just to see if he hasn't been abused before.
Then again he may just be shy and doesn't want anyone to see him period. That could be the reason why he sits down. But if your son says that he doesn't want to go back to his dads then there must be something behind it all.
You may need to take him to a counselor to find out what he won't tell you. That would probably be the best thing any way. That way you have an outside party who knows what you know just in case it turns out to be abuse after all.
Good luck.
2006-08-13 12:39:42 · answer #3 · answered by katie b 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Encouraging a 13 year old to stand while peeing is not child abuse. Your son needs to work this out with his dad. As for the skid marks, he is just being lazy when he wipes. Buy him some moist toilet wipes. You can't fight battles for your son with his father. He dad is just probably a homo-phobe who thinks his som will be gay if he pees sitting down.
2006-08-13 12:38:31 · answer #4 · answered by therego2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your ex's reasoning: Your son might get made fun of if he persists in sitting down, better to deal with it now at home. But the issue still remains that it isn't right to demand that someone go to the toliet differently, at 13 your son is at the age where he needs autonomy within a supportive home environment to decide for himself. So I would leave the issue alone for the time being, he has been exposed to the idea of trying a different way, it is his choice now.
2006-08-13 12:45:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
he should b able to go to the toilet anyway he likes when his dad came in and told him to stand id say he really embarrassed him and because theres no locks on the bathroom door i think he may feel very insecure when his dad is around in fear of him embarrassing him again i would seriously have a long chat to his dad and tell him to back off how dare he embarrass his son like that
2006-08-13 12:40:51 · answer #6 · answered by juicylucy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get help from a trained therapist. There are also many group therapy programs too. The main important thing is how hard this is for your son. He's feeling ashamed and needs help to understand it's not his fault and therapy so he will not repeat this pattern of abuse later in his own life.
2006-08-13 12:37:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was married to a European man for 10 years and he always sat down. Dad has issues??? Too bad for dad. Much easier for you, and your son later in life, to clean the bathroom if he continues to sit
2006-08-13 12:39:00 · answer #8 · answered by lorelei b 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well don't freak out you have to take this one step at a time. Maybe the visit to his dads was awkward but you have to move on. Keep trying with him but also find him some friends that sure potty trained and let him watch so he knows that he shouldn't sit down he should stand up.
Good Luck!
2006-08-13 12:49:47 · answer #9 · answered by sascheer1 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
How he goes to the bathroom is his business. It is private. His father should get a lock for the bathroom door. Your son should be able to go to the bathroom secure in the knowledge that no one is going to burst in on him or grill him about it afterwords. His father's attitude is prehistoric.
2006-08-13 12:42:23 · answer #10 · answered by Bethany 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋