I need a good laugh but no racist humor please.?

Answer 1

A chinese father summoned his four sons and asked," who put shame on family name by pushing outhouse in creek!" No.2
son answered," I can not tell a lie honorable father, it was I"
The father then beats the son. After the beating the son asks,
"Most honorable father why did you beat me after I told you truth?
President George Washington did not beat his son for chopping down cherry tree. Is it not so?" " It is so." replied the father.
" But honorable President George Washington was not sitting in
tree!"

Answer 2

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there and you say in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it's embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this elderly gentleman handled it.

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's waiting room. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my d!ck," he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded doctor's waiting room and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people personal questions in a room full of others, if the answer could embarrass anyone." The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Answer 3

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

Answer 4

A man walked into a ub and ordered a drink.The bartender said "this place needs a new name, got any ideas?" the man thought for a minute,and then said "The Queens head?" he said,finally."No" the bartender shook his head."The Queens arms?" the man offered again."No" the bartender shook his head again."The Queens legs?" the man said again,"Perfect,thanks old chap." the bartender said and slapped the man on the shoulder.The man finished his drink and went home.The next day the man drove himself there.His wife saw him standing there and asked,"Hon,what you standin out here for? its freezin'!" the man said "I'm waiting for the queens legs to open!" the man said.The wife slapped him and walked off.

Answer 5

Actual headline from the Weekly World News:

GIRL GIVES BIRTH TO CHIMP IN TRAGIC SPERMBANK MIXUP!

Answer 6

Iran:
Still trying to process uranium::
President Bush:
Still trying to process yesterday's 'SpongeBob'

Answer 7

albinoblacksheep.com

You must watch the Sitcom Series.

Laugh, mortal.

Answer 8

What She Said.

Answer 9

Look in the mirror.

Answer 10

Whats the difference between pussy and parsley? (answer)........Nobody eats parsley!