First off, there are a few things that I would like to assist him with that will help him reach a higher potential. He is only 26 so he is very impressionable at this age and he sort of looks up to me. I give him advice on his career, and advice on how to buy a home because he lives with his parents right now. I would like to help him get a better job, help him dress better and help him work out to improve his body shape. He has a great personality and we get along very well but I'm at the point in my life where I make decent money, I own my own home and my own cars and he is basically just getting started with life. He wants to have kids and get married very soon but I told him he needs to get his life together before he does any of that. I think he is a good catch other than the things he needs improving on. I'm worried that if I tried to help, he would get defensive. How can I help him improve his flaws by not offending him?
2006-08-13 10:56:45 · 20 answers · asked by chocolatebabycakes 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
WOW...you guys have taken this all out of context. It's not like I wanted to meet someone 26, it just happend. I'm not trying to be his mother and I'm not trying to change him. I want to help him IMPROVE his life. There is a big difference between changing someone and helping them get on the right road and improve their life. Everyone could use improvement and if someone is nice enough to show you how, why is this a problem? Some people go through a lot in life and end up going the wrong way and they need a push in the right direction and that is what I am trying to help him do. If you care about someone, helping them improve themselves goes along with being in relationships. Everyone including me has flaws, I'm not saying I'm perfect. We all were young at one time and life experiences have taught us things, but if you could have had someone who cared enough to show you another way, you may not have had to go through as much. That's all I'm saying that I'm trying to do with him..
2006-08-13 14:45:48 · update #1
well it sounds like this.....
He is still living at his parents house? WHY?
If he is a good catch, why does he nee dinprovemnt?
If he moves on from his parents to you...That would make you his new parent...would it not?
Thisngs you need to consider...a real catch is not going to need imporvment...he will be a match in that you two will mesh..that thing about opposites attract is B.S. You have to have a lot in common to be compatible....
He is not going to improve unless he wants to..not because there are things you think he should improve on.
If he is truely a catch, lay the things you want him to improve on on the table and tell him he needs to get these "DUCKS" in a row by a ceertain time or you can't have a relationship with him.
My Girlfriend and I are opposite...she is 25 and I am 31...She is getting started in her career and I have been thru a divorce. She and I want to be together but I told her that if we are be together, that she needs to live on her own from her parents for a year. learn how to pay bills, take care of responsibilities...live as a self-sustaining adult no becoming a co-dependant. and you do not want to become an enabler.
2006-08-13 11:15:08 · answer #1 · answered by Skipper1974 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. It's not your place to try and change him. How would you feel if you pointed out your flaws? And don't say you have non, because everyone does. The biggest pet peave most men have with women is the attitude that you can change us. If you don't like him the way he is, then you never will.
That being said, there are things you can do to make his life better without making him feel like you're trying to change him. Want him to dress better? Buy him a new outfit as a gift. want him to exercise more? Take him out cycling. Want him to get a better job? Get him referrals. It's great to want to help someone you care about, but if you do it in an accusatory or pushy way you'll just alienate him.
2006-08-13 11:03:50 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lady, are you his mother or his girlfriend? Because it sounds to me like you want to be his mother.
He's 26, and living at home, that's actually not uncommon anymore. 30 seems to be the new 18 for a lot of people nowadays if you understand my meaning.
By improvement though it sounds like you want to totally change him, which, as a 32 year old woman, you should be smart enough to realize that's NOT going to happen.
Move on, and find someone else. And stop being so controlling, and stop looking for younger men that you CAN control, because honey, you really can't control them like you think you can.
Find out why you are afraid of dealing with someone who is your emotional and financial equal.
2006-08-13 11:03:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I completely could date you!! That finished record you in basic terms made is like my record of issues i want in a guy! ;) i think of all of those features you have are suitable! you look like an extremely candy guy! i don't in comparison to something approximately you!! (haha if that's clever) good like finding a gal! Whoever you eventually finally end up with would be super fortunate to have you ever!!:)
2016-10-02 01:04:23 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him that u have already did all the stuff he is about 2 do and that u want 2 help him and u only do it because u care about him and want the best 4 him but your a great roll model
if he doesn't want 2 listen then let him but if he looks up 2 u than he will
2006-08-13 11:07:12 · answer #5 · answered by nina buena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to accept his flaws. You don't need to be with him if you can't do that. He obviously isn't what you're looking for. Are you listening to yourself? He is nice but he needs a better job, a better house, better clothes, a better body. He is not a life-size Ken doll. I think you need to let him go so he can find someone that appreciates him flaws and all.
2006-08-13 11:01:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't. Any type of pushing is going to naturaly cause him to, to pull back on the reins. Really give him a year or two to finish living as a guy who is 26 and then 27. He will come to his own on his own.
2006-08-13 11:03:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know u mean well, but u are not his mother. i once went out with someone like that and he totally got dependant on me...it was aweful...u like him for who he is, and he should grow his own sense of style, his own sense of responsibility...and more importantly, he needs to make his own mistakes to learn. let him live thru 26....yes u can give him suggestions but when it comes down to it, he should do it on his own. he needs to mold his own flaws...dont try changing him into what u want him to be and let him mature in his own time.
2006-08-13 11:03:21 · answer #8 · answered by mtlfearie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why dont u love him for who he is rather than try to mould him int ur perfect man just love him and the rest can come down the track dont worry ,i bet ur not the perfect woman and it doesnt sound like ur the best role model either if he learns to change people from u ...............think about it
2006-08-13 11:02:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him to grow up for himself and look for an a man older than you, then you will see than you will feel like a child, in the same way he feels about you. Be his girl, not his mom.
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2006-08-13 11:02:25 · answer #10 · answered by Padrino chicarcón 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋