I love my mum very much but she can be bossy, controlling, condisending and nasty. My daughter is just 16 and just lately I cannot do anything right the more I try the more I feel I sound like my mother, though I really dont want to. How can you love your kids too much? and how can you watch and let them make mistakes just because they have told you its none of your buisness? How can I let go so it wont hurt, wont cause conflict and wont keep me up till past midnight with worry. I have the feeling I know what the answer is going to be, but I will give anything a try.
2006-08-13 10:17:08 · 14 answers · asked by Linda R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i read your passage and thought.. 'is that what my mum thinks?' i'm 17 similar age to your daughter and my mum feels like you. i just thought maybe i could help you understand your daughters point of view - and you could help me understand my mums? my mum finds it really hard letting go and lettingme grow up. she constantly worries about me, whether its with my studies, my friends, or my money! i'm a good daughter, and have a great relationship with my mum, but since i hit 16, she became paranoid, and thought i was going to change, in time we began to have little fall outs, and i got told 'you've changed, i cant talk to you anymore, you think you know it all, i worry about you' etc etc. i didnt think i had changed, and now i realisei havent, as i would never cause an arguement, i respect my mum too much to do that. i understand its hard for her, and she cant help but worry, as shes been through everything i have - and knows what its like being young! sometimes i feel i cant do anything right and it gets me really down. its hard for us, we just want to live our life, and we do understand that we will make mistakes, whats important to us is that we know your always going to be there when it does go wrong. i'm sorry i've waffled on a bit here, but something just made me write. tried to contact you, but wouldnt let it go through. just keep calm with your daughter, shes only learning about life, the more she feels your on her back, the more shes going to want to do herown thing, and less respectfor you shell have. good luck
2006-08-13 11:28:32 · answer #1 · answered by roundtree 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's very hard. You cannot be your Daughters Mum and her best friend. You must trust in the job you ave done as a mother whilst continuing to stand for stability, love and boundaries. Parents will always worry about their kids whether those kids are one or sixty one. Just remember that you are her Mum and that is more important than being her friend. We learn how to raise our kids from our own parents but we all put a slant of our own in as well, you will apply the best parts of how your mum was with you whilst editing out the bad. Have more faith, you are a great Mum and have a great Daughter, be proud.
2006-08-13 10:35:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was pretty tough to raise at 16 so maybe from your daughter's perspective, looking back I can say that for the most part I wanted to be left alone to do my own thing and make my own decisions (I wasn't doing anything entirely reckless)! But my parent's handled it wrong & backed off so far I thought they didn't care. Did a bit of damage I think.
I would say take a step back, give your daughter her space but let her know no matter what you are there for her when she needs you.
I imagine it is a phase that she will be out of by the time she is 18.
2006-08-13 10:24:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing to realise is that your daughter is not making you turn into your mother.
Its just that's how you learned that mothers should behave when their daughter is that age. You can learn to do it differently. But kids grow up fast and theres not enough time to do counselling or something like that!
You can try cognitive behaviour therapy and assertiveness training, they both focus on the here and now and work fast.
You can also sit your daughter down and tell her what you told us. Ask her how she wants you to react and deal with stuff. But she has to give you a real and realistic answer.
She's getting older and learning how to be an adult, but still lives at home and is legally your responsibility for at least another 2 years. She also has to be prepared to give and take, not just you. Thats not unreasonable.
Good luck!
2006-08-13 10:32:05 · answer #4 · answered by sarah c 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatly its enevitable i think.I love my mum but she has always driven me mad with her ways and yet with my kids,especially when i disaplin them i say things and then think "oh my god" i sound like my mum! My mum nagged and moaned about most of what i did as a child and all the sodding advice she gave when i was a teenager but.... after getting married at 19 then divorced, having two children and another broken relationship i got to about 25 and it suddenly hits home MUM WAS RIGHT,SHE ACTUALLY KNEW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT. I dont think you can love your children too much and you must do what you think best even if you have to admit you are getting like your mum. The kids will all work it out for them selves later on in life.And any mistakes.. we hope not..but we just have to be there to pick up the peices. I love my mum so much and she has seen me through some terrible and upsetting times but she did a fab job as a mum.
2006-08-13 23:16:58 · answer #5 · answered by hotlegs31 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its all part of being a teenager your daughter will be doing the same to her children i n years to come as you are doing now!!! its a fact of life that at some stage we go through various stages in our life and sadly no parent can change that if your daughter makes a mistake let her do it off her own back the more you say no the more she is going to do it remember back to when you were 16 you prob did it all too and knew better than your mother we all do!!!
2006-08-13 10:26:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just keep talking to your daughter. Explain to her your concerns and how they make you feel.
Your daughter is getting to the age where some of the things she gets up to are private and you have to allow her that.
A parent can only stand back in trepidation as their kids grow up, hope that the antics they get up to are not fatal and provide a safety net for the times they need it.
There are no easy answers and all solutions have to be agreed by the both of you.
Good luck
2006-08-13 13:38:46 · answer #7 · answered by CeeVee 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well now that you know what it feels like to be your mother.. you can choose a different way to deal with your daughter.
Sometimes you just gotta be firm acting like your mom or not. Sometimes I am sure that her way was best for the situation.
Alex
2006-08-13 10:24:46 · answer #8 · answered by Osiris2067 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
appears like your mom beloved it extra while it became a mom-little lady dating. She realizes which you will quickly be shifting on and it hurts her. You did no longer say in case you have been an purely newborn or purely daughter yet i might wager you're. proper concern to do is be advantageous to your mom and attempt to maintain each little thing so as. end senior year with stable grades and attempt to devise your destiny. i'm beneficial which will advise plenty to your mom while she realizes you're doing the proper you are able to. playstation : in line with risk you and your mom ought to do something as quickly as in awhile jointly purely you 2. in line with risk a procuring holiday or something comparable.
2016-12-14 05:18:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mom was bossy and controlling, but see how well a human being you turned out to be, now would you blame your mom for that? i believe kids should hate parents at younger age, but as they grow older, they'll understand parents' reasons for doing so
all i can say is, if you thought you turned out to be a decent human being, then maybe your mom's pareting method was correct after all
and i'd suggest copy her and control your daughter
2006-08-13 10:24:56 · answer #10 · answered by Rock 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋