Can you make me laugh so hard...?

Question

that the people next door can hear me lets make this a contest...

Answer 1

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages. I hope, it helps u.

Answer 2

Two men went to party out in the woods with their brand new jeep and a case of beer. They finally got done partying and decided to leave. They took off on the trail and about 5 minutes later, an old man appeared in the passenger window. The driver noticed the old man and told the passenger to ask the old man what he wanted, disreguarding the fact that the old man could keep up with the jeep, going 25 miles an hour. So the passenger rolled down his window and asked the old man what he wanted. The old man replied "Got any tobbaco?" So the passenger gave him a cigarette.

The driver, now feeling spooked by the appearance of the old man, went even faster, now doing 50. 5 minutes later, the old man was back. The passenger rolled down his window and asked him what he wanted this time. The old man said "Got a light?" So the passenger threw a lighter at the old man. Then the driver floored it.

Now pushing the jeep to the max, the old man, sure enough, was back in another 5 minutes. The passenger, really scared now, rolled down his window and screamed, "WHAT THE HECK DO YOU WANT NOW?!" The old man, slightly chuckling replied, "Want some help gettin' outta the mud?"

Answer 3

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to use this logic.......

A husband & wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost 24 hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.

When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them," the man complains.

"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous." The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.

No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $50."

"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

Answer 4

This guy, Mike, is a Good Catholic, and goes to confession one Saturday afternoon. As always, Father Flaherty is in the confessional booth, performing the Rites of Absolution.

"Forgive me, for I have sinned, father" says Mike.

"Oh, hello, Mike," says Father Flaherty, recognizing his voice, "what did you do? It couldn't be that bad, my son!"

"Well, father, I used foul, disgusting language! And I used the Lord's name in vain! I am so ashamed."

"There, there, Mike" says Father Flaherty, "tell me what happened."

"Well, father," Mike says, "I was on the golf course. I teed off at the twelfth hole. I had a really nice swing, and my follow-through was just perfect. But the ball hooked very badly to the left, and I knew it wasn't going to land anywhere near the pin."

Father Flaherty says, "oh, I see. And is that when you swore?"

"No, father," Mike says. "What happened next was, as the ball was flying through the air, a duck happened to fly past. The ball collided with the duck!"

"Wow" says father Flaherty, "and THAT'S when you swore?"

"No, father." Mike goes on to say "then the ball, which had been deflected by the duck, started falling toward the pond."

"I see" says Father Flaherty, "so, that's when you swore?"

"Nope, father, not yet. I thought the ball would be lost in the water, but at the very last moment, a frog came to the surface of the pond. The ball bounced off the frog's back, and rolled onto the green!"

"That's amazing!" says Father Flaherty "so, THEN you swore?"

Mike says, "no, father, not yet. The ball was on the green, and it rolled almost to a stop...but then the wind picked up, and it moved the ball. The ball came to a halt about ten inches from the hole!"

"Oh, f**k! Don't tell me you missed the goddam putt!!"

Answer 5

So this mom is at home with her baby, and the baby needs a diaper change she tries to find a diaper but she cannot find one, so she goes to the attic and opens up an old dresser drawer, suddenly, a ghost comes out of it and says "Hi, I'm the ghost with the one black eye! The mother starts screaming and runs away while she ran, her magical wig fell off and a trapdoor opened up and she fell into it. Meanwhile, the baby was getting sick of waiting and crawled up to the attic and opened up the drawer. The ghost came out and said "Hi! I'm the ghost with the one black eye!" the baby made a fist and punched it in his hand and said "If you dont gimme my diaper, You'll be the ghost with the two black eyes!"



its not the best joke, sorry

Answer 6

dirty gross joke here we go(dont read if u are going to be offended)

This mom is taking her kid to the park and they see two kids having sex. The kid ask the mom"mommy what are they doing?" The mom replies they are making cakes.
So the mom takes the kid to the zoo the next day and sees two monkeys having sex and says "mommy what are they doing?" the mom replies they are baking cakes.
So the next day the kid tells her mom "Mommy u and daddy were baking cakes lastnight haw?" The mom says why do u say that?
The kid says cause I licked the frosting off the couch....... I told u it was gross. It might not have made u laugh but it made u make a face. lol

Answer 7

You will laugh so hard, you wish you never asked for it: Here it is:

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home.
She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already.The little boy says: "Dark in here."
The man says: "Yes, it is."Boy: "I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!" Man: "OK, how much?"Boy: "$250-00."
A few weeks later it happened again and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have soccer boots."The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?" The boy says:"$750-00."
The secret lover says: "Fine, I will buy them." A few days later, the father says to the boy: "Grab your ball and boots, let's go outside and have a game." The boy says: "I can't, I sold them for $1000." The father says: "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that..... $1000 is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your sins." They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says: "Dark in here."
The priest says: "Don't start that **** again!"

Answer 8

jim walks into the restroom at the local wal-mart,just as he walks in theres a man standing infront of the urinal just staring at it. so jim walks next to him,pees, washes his hands and goes to leave. just as he gets to the door the man asks "hey bud can you help me a sec dude". so bein the nice guy jim is he goes to the man and says "well, uh, whataya need?" the man says "well i dont have any arms and uh i really gotta piss, can you uh, pull me out so i can go?" well jims a nice guy so unzips the man and pulls him out and the man finishes and asks jim to zip him up, so he does, thinkin god i gotta be outta my mind doin this and he asks the man "so can i ask you what all this green scaly crap on your penis?" the man shoots his arms out of his shirt and say "i aint got no clue but ill be goddamed if i touch the damn thing!"

Answer 9

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 10

I don't even need to try. Just look at my avatar. If you want to wake up the whole world with laughter, check out my real face.

If you don't laugh at this, the world will be filled with your screams!

Hey, what am I anyway? You're personal entertainment monkey? Do I entertain you? Is that it? Do you...do you think you can just order me to make you laugh and badabing badaboom, I do it? Well...I...guess that is what I am. Your personal entertainment monkey.

(\_/)
(^.^)
(v v)o

Answer 11

A little boy walks by his parents bedroom and he looks in the keyhole and he says 2 himself, "And this b**** get mad at me 4 sucking my thumb. LOL
Teacher asks "John why is your cat at school today? John says (crying) I heard the milkman tell my mom when ur kids go 2 school i'm going 2 eat that cat. LOL.
that's enough. I think they are cute and funny hopefully you do to.