Chronically late friend?

Question

Friday my friend was over an hour late to her own son's birthday party. Saturday she was an hour late meeting me and my daughter for a playdate. She apolgizes each time (it's happened a few times before) and her excuse is "people with kids can't be on time." I have a toddler and I'm generally on time.

How can I deal with her? I can't force her to get her act together.

Answer 1

Being the mother of two young toddlers, I can certainly understand why some of us are late, but over an hour? What could she have POSSIBLY been doing for an hour? I'm normally on time when I go somewhere with my kids. I generally start getting ready a few minutes earlier than I normally would if I were going out without the kids. (Diapers have to be changed, clean outfits put on, snacks packaged up, etc.) People who use their children as an excuse for the habitual tardiness are horrible. I'm still sitting here wondering what could have possibly made her an hour late.

There have been times when people wanted to do something, and I've either rescheduled it for later (or earlier) because I knew it would be during my kids' naptime. Maybe he was napping and she didn't want to wake him? If that's the case, she shouldn't have scheduled the b'day party for the time she did...she should have known he would be napping then. That's ridiculous.

I'd just stop inviting her out. I know that sounds harsh, but to keep a friend (or family member, for that matter) waiting for over an hour is unacceptable. Eventually she'll wonder why you're not going out with her anymore, so you should be blunt and just tell her it's because of her constant tardiness. Don't be mean about it, but don't sugar coat it either.

Answer 2

You are right...you can't force her to get her act together.

You've got some choices...
- Accept her the way she is and move forward.
- Tell her the actual meeting time is an hour earlier.
- Tell her the real time and you show an hour or so late (I know this may seem childish...but it will get your point across if she must wait for you).

When people are chronically late and delay others, it is rude, disrespectful and unacceptable behavior (different situation when it only happens occasionally).

I really hope she calls you to let you know she's going to be late. It would be the polite thing to do.

However, I would begin to schedule less and less with this chronically late friend. Frustration has set in...

I wish you the best!

((One of my sisters does this a lot and I just started telling her that the meet time is 1/2 an hour or hour earlier than everyone else.))

Answer 3

Try to tell her politely that it's really inconvenient for her to arrive late whenever u and her meet. Tell her that ur aware that she's busy as a mother, but that u have a toddler too and that it's not that difficult to be punctual. Maybe she could take a few extra minutes beforehand to handle her business/run errands, etc., and that if she is running late the next time, to kindly inform u so that u won't have 2 b waiting for her, or maybe ask her when's she's free so she can be on time. If she still doesn't respect ur time then maybe u shouldn't make anymore meetings w/ her. Schedule some time w/ ur other friends who are on time. Good blessings!

Answer 4

People with kids can always be on time if they plan properly. She really has no excuse. Punctuality is respect for the time of others. She is apparently so self-absorbed she is unreliable and isn't really much of a friend.

Don't wait for her anymore and maybe she'll get the hint. Have a little back-up plan for yourself and after 15 minutes, get on your day. If your friend complains, tell her that if you had waited any longer it would have disrupted the rest of your days' plans. After a few rounds of this she'll either shape up or ship out.

Answer 5

If she's usually an hour late everywhere, try telling her something starts an hour earlier. So if you plan to meet her at 3 pm, tell her you want to meet her at 2 pm. That way she'll probably show up around 3 pm and you won't have to wait for her. And if she shows up earlier than that and has to wait for you, that will hardly bother her since she insists it's impossible to be on time with kids. :)

Answer 6

Next time she is late go about doing whatever she was suppose to be on time for. When she shows up and you are gone she will be upset and probably call you. When she does just say, "I am not going to put my plans on hold for your children." It is blunt and to the point, a little rude, but if she is a true friend she will see what she has done, is doing to negatively affect your relationship with her.And maybe in the future she will correct her behavior.

Answer 7

Heh...trust me I know how you feel. I know someone like that. Basically what I do now (because I've given up on him being on time) is that whatever time I want to be somewhere...I tell him to be there like an hour earlier and then I just show up on time. Usually it works. Basically tell her the wrong time and show up later than the time you tell her. Or you know what? Stand her up a few times...give her a taste of her own medicine.

Answer 8

I have a friend just like that. I usually tell him to be where we are meeting an hour or two earlier than we really are. I also have been late to meet with him just so he knows how annoying it is.

Answer 9

Do like we do my sister, if the time to there is say 5:00, tell her it is at 4:00. It works till they catch on.

Answer 10

you can drop her this is really rude it says to the waiting person Im important and you are not important. You can just wait. I hate when people do that to me.