Why do stay at home parents think they are better than working parents???

Question

I am a mother of a soon to be 3 yr old. I have had stay at home moms say they would never work and leave someone else to raise their kids. And they say that they work harder. And they say 'I'm a full time mom!' What's a part-time mom?!? I don't think it's harder to stay at home (and no I never wanted to). I have 2 jobs. I work during the day, then I come home and take care of my family. I am not a single parent. My husband is a PHENOMENAL dad! He is 50/50 with raising our daughter. I think we appreciate our daughter more than SAH parents, who seem irritated by their kids since they are with them 24/7. We also have more money and can offer our child more because we both have good paying jobs, over 60k/yr each. And for the record, we paid a family member, who moved in with us, to watch our daughter in our home until she was 2yrs old. SAH seem like they think they are better than parents who work. My house is always spotless too... So why the comments like they are superior??

Also, these people are not friends. They are people I may meet at the playground or while I am at work and children come up in the conversation. SAH make these comments without me saying anything to them about how I feel on the subject. I also don't agree that SAH parents create better children. A child can be maladjusted with a SAH abusive parent. My child is happy. She is learning to be social in school, and outside of school she is only with us. My point in mentioning income is to say that I can afford to do more for my child, not that money is better than my child...of course not. I don't think I'd be a good SAH parent when I think of all the things I could not give her in order to stay home. We are not absent parents; her values come from us. We both work to secure a financial future for her.

Answer 1

I know SAH moms work hard, but I've always thought I have to do everything they do, AND I work another 8 hours a day. I've been able to do things with my son, and he's been able to do things, that we never would have if I hadn't worked, plus I've put back money for college so he will have more freedom of choice about where he wants to go. I think sometimes some stay-at-home moms confuse quantity time with quality time. As long as you're giving your daughter plenty of quality time and she knows she's loved and feels secure, you are doing great. Ignore the insults. Sounds like they're insecure about their own choices and feel better by criticizing you.

Answer 2

Try not to take offense. I've been both, and they're both hard. It's just a different lifestyle.

I DID feel better about being a SAH, just because I didn't feel guilty for leaving my daughter in someone else's care. When I was working outside the home, I was always missing special events that I felt were important and that I should have been there for, like first word spoken, first steps, etc. I also had child caregivers that weren't doing things the way I would have. One time I had to pull my daughter away from a babysitter who had spanked her on her bare bottom for wetting her pants, at the age of 2. Later, another babysitter was having financial difficulties I was unaware of, and she was feeding the children pancakes and/or wonder bread, with nothing on them. My daughter lost weight as was starving (literally) when I picked her up from the sitter. And those are pretty mild horror stories re child care, compared to what some parents have experienced.

When I was a SAH, I felt like I had given up my life (separate from my family, someplace where I was appreciated for my expertise) to be at home. This was a HUGE sacrifice, as there were financial considerations that went with that decision.

The down-side was, I never felt REALLY good about either. Guilt on one hand, major sacrifice on the other. When somebody makes a major sacrifice or commitment that creates a hardship in order to do what they feel is the best and most right thing to do, they tend to let people know about their situation. Call it bragging or call it being judgemental of others who haven't made that same decision, it can come across as being snooty. So sorry for that, but just be aware that it can be tough either way. That doesn't make you a bad parent, it just gives you more financial resources than the SAH, and maybe that makes them a little jealous of your situation.

PS
My relatives were the WORST caregivers ever. They treated my daughter like a Cinderella. Their kids could do no wrong, and my daughter got picked on and left out. Relatives aren't always the answer.

Answer 3

It all depends on how you look at it. I think it's great to work or to stay home if you have that advantage or privilege. For the parents that feel like they are more superior or better than you. I would asked them to define a full time mom & part time mom position?Then ask them to define quality time. If there response is positive or negative it doesn't matter because you are doing a great job. You just get to hear where there at.
. It's awesome to have a babysitter or enroll your young one in a daycare. (If finances is not an option). I personally think when someone is going to be a new parent, bonding is important. Just because you don't stay home doesn't mean you can't have a beautiful relationship with your child because you can. It's all a matter of how much quality time you can attend to your child. For the SAH parents that like to be at home 24/7 that is the choice they made. So, don't feel like you are failing because your not. You seem like you enjoy working & your able to spend time with your little one that is what is important.

Answer 4

I have three daughters, and I have been on both sides of this issue. I worked for several years and we had a nanny and then after my third daughter was born we decided it made more sense for me to stay home. This was the right decision for our family, and one that after 2 1/2 years I still think was the right decision. But, girl let me tell you - neither way is easy. Whether you work or stay home, there are sacrifices that you make. One way is not superior to the other, and anyone who tries to turn a very personal and difficult decision that each family has to make into a competition is not someone that you need to spend any time worrying about.

Moms who work outside the home will always feel some guilt - and this is probably why this is a sensitive issue for you. I never wanted to stay home either - I loved working, I loved my job, I loved the challenge and I am in no way domestic. Now, it is a constant struggle for me to feel "utilized" when at the end of the day I feel like I didn't accomplish anything that stayed accomplished for more than five minutes:) But, I also know that with three children, I would constantly be pulled in too many directions to be really good at anything, so I make the sacrifice to stay home. But, that doesn't make me better or worse than anyone else, I am too busy trying to figure out how to be "me" to worry about anyone else's decisions.

Here's something that may help you accept the comments with a little grain of salt - those Moms that are trying to convince you that you are making the wrong decision by working are insecure about their own decision - sacrificing a career for family - and are trying to bolster their confidence in their own decision by deriding yours. Also, take a look at yourself and make sure that your own comments or tone aren't putting these women on the defensive. While you don't like anyone implying that you have made the wrong decision in working, stay at home Moms don't like anyone implying that they have the easier road for the decision that they have made. Having done both, I can tell you that staying home is not as easy as it looked to me from the other side!

This is a very tough time to be a woman - we are expected to be successful in our careers but still run PTA fundraisers and keep perfect houses. No one can do it all, and we each need to support each other in whatever decision we have made and understand that both sides have their pros and cons. We are all trying to do the best for our families.

Answer 5

Stay at home parents give up a lot in order to be a "full time parent" as you put it... Not only the added income, but the career advancement and prestige that comes with it. If, in their mind, staying at home with their child isn't at least worth all of that, then they wouldn't be doing it. Like you said, many say they would _never_ hire someone else to watch their kid. This tells me that they consider staying at home to be worth considerably More than what they're giving up.

That's why they feel superior. Just like you'll meet people who think they are better because they make a 40% larger paycheck than you do, these SAH parents you've run into feel they're doing something worth more than the income of a full time job plus career advancement. That's the only way you'd convince yourself to give those things up, after all.

Answer 6

I think you are worrying, or sensitive to the topic of stay at home parents, vs working,
if your life, and career is working as well as you say, then be greatful, keep up whatever you are doing,
i think maybe you are a little insecure about your role as a mothr working, otherwise you would not have taken time to post this question,
well, relax and pat yourselves on the back, and remember that what works for lyou, will not necessarily work for another family, As long as you give qualitly time to your family, and their needs, that is what is important.

I am not goinig to be living in your house.
you are not going to be living in my house,
i believe that their is not a "better way" TO REAISE YOUR CHILDREM
IT IS THE BEST WAY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
just think of lthis.....some of the mothers that stay at home, probably need reassurance also, and praise, Especially if they hear lyou are sucessful, and have a comfortable income, then the lifesyle you live is something they don't have at this time, and they could wonder if they are doing the right thing or lnot, so they may just want to reaffirm, that they are good parents. so go ahead and tell them that they are great, after all, we all can luse a litttle extra praise, and you might just lift someones spirits, in just a few kind words,

Answer 7

If your friends or aquitances talk to you like they are bettter than you for the choices they make, then you need to drop them and make better, more sensitive, more intelligent friends or at least friends with better manners. I have been both a stay at home mom and a working mom ( running my own small company). And I tell you that BOTH situations are very demanding. Quality time with your child matters more but if you find yourself in a situation like mine with a child that is very sick for some months, trust me you will now then that a better mom is the one that gives up everything, even her career or business if necessary to be next to his sick child. And a courageous woman will go back to work, if that is what she wants to do after her child doesn';t need her 24/7 anymore.

Answer 8

I my self do not agree or disagree with if a mom should work or stay home. It is not my place. I know I stayed home with mine, but it is what i wanted to do.When they went to school, I then took a job. We did not have as much, but we were happy. it should really be up to the couple to decide. but I would not feel bad, it is what you decided to do. However, you are lucky to have a family member there to take care of your daughter. Some children are not that lucky, and does not get that one on one attention.

Answer 9

Happy people as well as insecure people want to believe their life is good, enough to brag about. They are simply bragging. If you feel they are criticizing rather than just bragging, tell them what you just told us. You are doing a great job. However, maybe it is the other way around? Have you been bragging and making them feel defensive. There are pros and cons of each lifestyle. Just take the bad with the good in your friends and subtly encourage them to do the same.

Answer 10

Sometimes out of spite.You get to have a family and follw your career,some SAH don't get that option,so they take it out on you,when really they should look at themselves. Don't feel bad,your child still gets plenty of love and you get plenty of mental happiness.