My husband just can't seem to be able to bond with our 3 year old son.?

Question

My son who is now 3 years old was born with imperforate anus (no rectal opening) he has had 5 surgeries to correct this problem but he still has some issues. Before he was born my husband was very excited when we found out we were having a boy and he had dreams about taking him fishing and playing ball with him but so far three years later he has yet to do anything with him and he is a typical little boy that runs around and plays just fine like any other 3 year old. It just kills me inside that my husband can't take the time and bond with him and throw him a ball or take him to a park and push him on a swing. You should see the way he clings on to other men, like my friends husbands or my brother, that pay attention to him. I don't know what to do. Please help

Answer 1

I watched a friend go through something similar, his son was born without his left ear, there have been surgeries etc etc.
One of the challenges he faced is that every time he picked up his son his wife would tell him (more like yell at him the times I was present) to be careful. It became easier to not interact with the boy.
Like your boy, he clings to other men, it hurt my friend (he told me) but mentally he was having problems moving beyond the past, the many be careful's he has been through. One time he let it slip that he felt that maybe there is something wrong with him that created the birth defect.
We (friends & family) sort of made a plan...plotted if you will.
One day I took him and his boy out back and the three of us played catch, tag, pushed him in the swing etc. The next weekend his brother did the same, the next weekend my brother-in-law did the same. It took about 3 months but the last several times I've stopped in for a visit, his wife has answered the door and we have had to interupt (or join in with) their play (father/son).
Maybe that is what your husband needs to help put a crack in the wall he has built around himself and his son. It's also possible he didn't have a good relationship with his dad and thinks everything is "normal" - that - will require some work with a professional.
Good luck and best wishes

Answer 2

I have a baby boy and it's difficult to conceive of not bonding with him. I feel sad that your husband is not experiencing the joys of fatherhood. I'm not sure what approach you should take since you probably have already tried my suggestions. First, remind your husband that your son is part of him in a very direct way (that y chromosome). He might already understand this and the problem is a complicated psychological issue that mixes with his own relationship with his father. Do your best to convince him that counseling would benefit him, you, and your child. Perhaps he could work out his issues best with an experienced counselor to help guide him. If you are churchgoers, spiritual counseling may be in order. I hope that your husband is willing to try this out so that he can remove any barriers to being a good daddy.

Answer 3

ask you husband about it or start going out to some place and leaving you son with his dad so they have to spend time with him
tell you hubby the thing about the other dads
there could be somthing wrounge with you huby
he might be afaid to bond in case you little boy gets sick again and is natched away

get you son to ask his dad if he will do things with him


im glad you sons recovering
also why dont you try bonding more as a family
going to the zoo will be nice because who could risit the smile of you little boy when his face lights up at seeingthe tigars

good luck and i send you boy my best wishes

Answer 4

I suggest therapy of both kind...couples & personal. The hospital where the surgery was preformed should be able to recommend. Try this after you have gentle brought up the issue 1 on 1 with him. Good luck.

Answer 5

My dad ignored me because I have slight learning disabilities which are cognitive. I'm not retarded or mentally challenged. When I was in the 8th grade I found out he didn't want anything to do with me . . . . well, here's his own words. "I wish I had a normal son". He was and is ashamed of me. This probably doesn't apply to your husband though.

Answer 6

Maybe your husband needs counseling/therapy. Not sure if your son is still sick,but subconsciously your husband may be afraid to bond with him because he may die. Good luck and hope your son will be fine.

Answer 7

my husband and his father never bonded, my husband was born and needed a tube inserted threw his leg supposedly it was life or death situation, but nonethe less they never bonded because years later my husband found out his dad was afraid to get clost to him with fears of him dying. Your hubby needs to talk to a therapist to get over what it is holding him back from bonding with his child so he can move on and have a great relationship with his child.

Answer 8

I feel sorry for ur son I have a handicapped child but it sounds like to me the poor feller really didnt need the a#*hole his dad already is a big enough one for two

Answer 9

I think you need family counseling (not just your husband). Whether his issues are around mortality or something else, they're effecting you as well.

Answer 10

if possible...try for counselling-all 3 of u....u,ur hubby and ur kid....
i hope ur kid's fine...and that everything works out.......
good luck...bless u..