I am in need of help?

Question

I need help i think i am loosing my boyfriend. I am so jeolus over everything. I dont want to be, but he is everything I ever imagined and I dont want to lose him. But I get mad at him over anything that has to do with girls. How can I trust him and no he isnt gonna cheat on me?

Answer 1

First off, what makes you think that he is going to cheat on you? Has he ever done anything to make you think that?
Second, what makes you think that you are going to loose him? Have you had past expereinces that went wrong with other boyfriends?
I have had really bad past realtionships. I have been with the same man now for 8 years. My husband Case is wonderful. If trust is an issue with you, you have to remember that your current boyfriend is not your past boyfriends.
\I hope that this helped a little bit

Answer 2

You never KNOW that about anyone. If you think he's a bad person and would do that why are you with him anyway? Its just a decision you make, it really is that simple. You do need to realize that you are making your biggest fear come true by behaving the way you do, get control of yourself. You also need to realize that even if that does happen you'll live, you'll get over it and you'll move on. It is NOT the end of the world. You need to do more things with your own life so that if you and he do break up you aren't lost without him. There is more to life than a boyfriend and if there isn't more to yours then you are making a huge mistake.

Besides you worrying about it isn't going to change it. You can spend every waking moment worrying the possibility to death and that will have nothing to do with whether he cheats or not (unless you drive him so nuts he leaves). You deal with it when and if it happens. People don't come with pink slips, you don't own them and can not control them. They will be with you as long as being with you is a good place to be and some will blow it anyway, no amount of worrying will change that.

It sounds like you are misunderstanding what trust is all about, as so many people do. Trust is NOT about someone else, trust is about you and trusting yourself to be able to handle whatever comes up. You can't ever control anyone elses actions, not for a minute and certainly not for a lifetime, the only control you have is over you and what you do about it.

So what you really need to do is make sure you are investing yourself in the right people. The best way to do that is to take it slow and be observant. Anyone can talk a good game but as they say talk is cheap. Actions are everything, when you see someone that says one thing but does another you know something isn't right. Also remember that everybody defines 'love' differently, when you say you love someone their expectations are based on their idea of what that means, which may or may not match yours and vice versa. Make sure you are clear about what your definition is and the FIRST time you experience something with someone that doesn't match that consider whether to continue right then and there.

Answer 3

I can say that I have totally been in the same situation, and I let it get to the relationship. It was part of the end of my long term relationship. You've got to understand that he loves you, and if he didn't want to be with you, well, frankly, he wouln't be with you! Its natural to feel jealous, so dont feel like your being annoying or different. He probably feels the same way with you around guys. As long as hes not flirting with the girls or showing any innapropriate feelings with them, you should trust him. Just watch out for him if things get suspicious. If he starts hanging out with other girls than he is with you [unless one of them is his really good friend], you should question the relationship. Unless there is something to be suspisious about, dont worry about it!

Answer 4

Its probably from a past relationship that you feel this way. Or he's good looking and you expect other women to want him...but that doesn't mean he'll want them, if you love him and know he loves you there shouldn't be a problem. I think you should get some prof. help. Like someone you can talk to a normal shrink, just to let your emotionals out to someone can help a great deal. Or write diary entries first...that might ease it then you can show the person you're getting the help from your emotions.

These things can also be effected by like when I was young my parents split up so for years I grew up thinking most relationships wouldn't work out (mostly I was right but I had no faith and that spoils life). Imagine knowing what's round the corner...there's no fun in that, you have to invest alot of trust in him, if he hurts you then so be it, you need to change as a person...use him as your inspiration for seeking help...and if he's not there tomorrow you've done something for you still. I always thought seeking help was a sign of weekness but as my emotional states continue I realise for you to be a human you need guidance when in need and there is nothing wrong with asking! If you love him enough you'll seek it...and by you posting this I guess it's you first step! Because you realise you love him, you don't want to lose him and you need help.

Some guys like to make their woman jealous, they find it sexy and a sign their girl still loves and is attracted to them. Its an insecurity within yourself, I used to feel everyone I cared about would leave me or I cared alot and people wouldnt realise that i cared and I'd feel jealous at every little thing. I'd somtimes resent family because they've known each other all their lives but I've only got to know them recently because its not my mothers side of the family. I've now learnt self control. I think if you know you might lose someone it shocks you into getting help. I know jealousy is something you can't control, if you could you wouldn't do it to someone you love or care about deeply.

Talk to your boyfriend about this because involving him will make him aware and I'm sure he wont leave you if he knows you're not doing it on purpose.

Reading other people's problems can probably also help you, so you can identify and see it from another view:

http://experts.about.com/q/Deal-Jealousy-Jealous-2249/

http://forums.nasioc.com/forums/showthread.php?t=447548

http://experts.about.com/q/Deal-Jealousy-Jealous-2249/Jealously.htm


http://www.mind.org.uk/nr/rdonlyres/63d23c65-c85b-44f8-8df4-36fbda639957/0/howtorelationshipprobs.pdf#search='how%20to%20deal%20with%20problems%20with%20jealousy'


http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/downloads/hypnotherapy/jealousy.html?358 <<< this seems really helpful to help you understand.

http://www.doctorndtv.com/faq/detailfaq.asp?id=2684 / http://www.getlippy.com/lifeandlove/lovelife/jealousy/ <<< prof. views on situations just like yours!

http://www.handbag.com/relationships/couples/jealousy/

http://www.newharbinger.com/client/client_images/NHpdfs/Jealousy.pdf#search='how%20to%20cure%20jealousy' <<< you bf can read this one!

I hope you get the help you need because I've had insecurities from childhood and I've over come them just by growth,understanding the root of the problem & time. You can never trust anyone but yourself not to hurt you, but if you love him you'll take that risk...the real problem that makes you think that way is the jealousy. I think you can keep your relationship alive though. You followed your heart untill now, go with it, forget your head and if you get hurt, use both...your initial instincts are usually right however innocent until proven guilty. You either trust someone or you don't their image or personality can sway that but its YOUR judgement on it that decides whether to trust him...and im sure its fine...unless there are signs like numbers in his pocket...people calling then hanging up, lipstick marks or he smells of perfume its fine. If you're in a lovin relationship...at a stage further on in the relationship, I'd say best to trust them untill they give you a reason not to! Jealousy can only drive him away further if he is cheating, don't give him the excuse! I highly doubt it though...hes a good un if hes still around! Hurt is something that helps us grow...see it as a good thing...if you dont get hurt...its meant to be, but if you do, its something you need to go through as a person, working with your problems and a reason to sort it out. God bless.

Answer 5

just trust him or you are gonna looze him! if you dont trust him hes gonna leave you for sumone who does trust him

Answer 6

go to counseling toghether and sort through these problems

Answer 7

you are loosing him because you are too much jealous.