Anyone got any little johnny jokes for me???

Question

I love little johnny jokes.or any similar.cheers people

Answer 1

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages. I hope, it helps u.

Answer 2

This is a little raw, but funny.

Two brothers are peering through their fence and notice that their neighbor, Mrs. Jones is sunbathing and they cannot decide if they see black panties or hair. The argument continues, panties, hair, panties hair and on and on.
Then Little Johnny shows up. They agree that they will have Little Johnny sneak over and get an up close look to resolve their dispute.
Little Johnny comes back. The brothers ask Little Johnny, is it hair or is it panties? Little Johnny says, you're both wrong. The brothers say, both wrong, then what is it? Little Johnny says, its flies!!!

Answer 3

Little johnny was on his way to c his nxt door neighbour because they just had a new born baby and little johnny wanted to go and visit it! His mum knows what Johnny is like so she tells him to be on his best behaviour! Unfortunately the baby was born without any ears so the mum told Johnny not to make fun or make any stupid remarks otherwise he will be in deep trouble! Once they got round to their neighbours house, there lay the baby fast asleep in its mums arms. "ahh wot a lovely baby! Is everything ok with him?" said Johnny "o yes he is perfect! Sence of smell is spot on,Breathing is perfect and he has 20/20 vision!" replied the mum. "o good!" said Johnny, "because if he didnt then he wouldnt b able 2 wear glasses!"

Answer 4

Little Johnny came home from school one day slightly confused. His mother was Jewish and his father was black. So Johnny asks, "Mommy, am I more Jewish or more black?"

"What does it really matter? If you want to know for sure you'll just have to ask your father," his mother tells him.

So, when his father arrived home from work, Little Johnny asks the same question, "Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?"

"What kind of a question is that? Why do you want to know if you're more Jewish of black?" asks his dad.

"Well, it's like this dad... Tommy down the street wants to sell his bicycle for $50, and I don't know whether to talk him down to $25, or wait until its dark and steal the f ucking thing."



It was the second grade teacher's birthday. So every child in the class was giving her a special gift.

Anna's mother owned a flower shop, so Anna gave the teacher some beautiful flowers.

Robert's parents owned a candy shop. Robert gave the teacher a wonderful box of assorted candies.

Then it was little Johnny's turn. Johnny's dad owned a liquor store! So Johnny brought a big box for his teacher. When little Johnny handed the box to his teacher, she noticed that the bottom of the box was wet. So she put her finger on it and tasted.

"Is it wine?" the teacher asked.

"No, it's not wine!" Johnny replied.

She tasted it again. "Hmmmmmm. Is it some sort of liquor?"

"Nope, it's not liquor!" said Johnny.

She tasted it again and was puzzled. "Well, Johnny, I give up. What is it?"

Johnny was excited. "It's a puppy!" he said.

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.
"Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300," he asked.
"Easy, Dad," little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on Johnny," the father said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth!" Johnny replied.
"Every night you were gone, Mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied,

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "Beautiful" in the same sentences twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought My mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.

Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just freakin beautiful!'

♥

Answer 5

One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him,
"Well what should we do about this?"
Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own business!"

Little Mary was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Mary?"
"My goldfish died," replied Mary tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Mary patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

~~~~~
Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly not!" answered his mother.
"If you do," Little Johnny went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? what did he say?"
"He said, 'Hey, Juanita, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch. The neighbors' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "F--K OFF!", the dog ate him!"

A grade school teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to Graceland and I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinated."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.
Little Johnny said, "My Aunt Gina has a shirt with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."
The teacher cried.

Answer 6

Little Johnny walks in on his mother while she is taking a shower...He looks for a while and then ask, "Mom, what's that between your legs?" Mom answers, "That's where I got hit with an ax." Little Johnny says..."Owe!" "Right in the c**t !!!!"

Answer 7

Johnny found some dynamite;
Didn't understand it, quite.
Curiosity never pays:
It rained Johnny seven days!

Answer 8

Little Johnny comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, then said "I'll show you the dfrnc.
Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars.Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
Johnny puzzled a bit however raised the qstn 2 mother.His mother looks around slyly & said "Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would."
Then he goes to his sister's room and asks her as well di qstn.
His sister looks up and says, "Definitely!"
Then he went back to father and said, "Dad, I think I've figured it
out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with a couple of whor*s."

(2 months ago - 12 answers )

Answer 9

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.