why would this father do such a thing?

Question

My granddaughter(7) and grandson(4) were caught playing boyfriend and girlfriend twice now my son feels that this is a molesting problem, and when he called police the police told him that they were kids and there was nothing that they could do. My son thinks now that his sons head is all messed up because my granddaughter was playing this boyfriend girlfriend game, which she was laying on top of him and he said they were making a baby, they were both clothed. He says that his son is only 4 and does not know anything about this and that my granddaughter is messing him up. But here is the klincher when my grandson saw his hamsters humping in the cage his father told him that it was okay they were making babies and that max put his penis in ruby's vulva and that was how they made babies. What kind of answer was that to a 4 yr old? So who is messing with the boys head? Now my son does not want anything to do with me because I did not call to see how his son was.

Answer 1

Your son needs to go to family therapy or at least speak to someone regarding these sexual matters. He is very worried but not acting appropriately....this is common with men who may have sexual abuse issues in their past. Some become very uncomfortable about sexual matters, discussing them ore explaining them. Then when a child comes along it is difficult knowing what is appropropriate discussion, comprehension levels....and mistakes are made. He is confused and acting out...your son, I mean. The kids are being kids.

Answer 2

I think the father did the right thing with the hamsters, telling the kid in plain language, using the proper terminology, what they were doing.

Kids are kids, and the 7 year old needs to learn that it's not okay to play like that. That's all she was doing was playing. It sounds like she has been exposed to knowledge about human sexuality that adults know and she shouldn't, which is different than asking what the hamsters are doing. I don't feel it's a molesting problem, it was play that got too our of hand.

No one is messing with the boy's head. He's just been exposed to some information about sex.

Answer 3

I don't know. Too much information to a child can be harmful. Each of you should have a talk with your child and explain why this is not acceptable behaviour. Or there may be more problems down the road from now.

Answer 4

Sounds like your son needs some help, he is being to serious about the situation. He is acting like a lunatic...I would not worry yourself over it he is the one who is messing up his kids not you....it is sad but this is the problem in today's parenting....the parents end up messing up their kids and blaming someone else. God forbid they made a mistake.

Answer 5

I think everyone needs to lighten up... maybe you should stop letting the 4yr old watch MTV.
They are kids for crypes sake... kids have played Doctor for years, and it's only in this ultrasensetive era that people automatically think molestation.

Explain why it's inappropriate, and get over it.

Answer 6

the answer was perfectly reasonable, children should be told the truth about life not lied to. BUT it should also be explained that their game is not acceptable for various reasons, one their related, two its not ok for children to make babies and explain why

Answer 7

Okay....Let me introduce myself. I am the son in this entire situation. I am the father of the 4 year old boy and the Uncle of the 7 year old girl.

My mother claims to show no favortism, however, her post is completely wrong and impartial to the actual facts that have occurred over the past few months.

Yes, I did tell my son that the hamsters were having sex. I am not going to lie to my children nor am I going to sugarcoat things for them in life. Life is hard, it is complicated, and it isn't always fair but with good morals, hard work, and a common sense of right and wrong they will make out just fine.

This is the stance I will take when raising my children.

Let me also clear the air by stating that I was not sexually abused when I was young, nor do I believe that I need help because of the way I reacted to this situation.

Here is what has happened:

Two months ago I reluctantly let my son sleep over my mother's house with my niece because she, my niece, is completely uncontrollable and never is disciplined.

But I let him sleep there anyway, trying to give it a chance. The next day when I asked him if he had fun, he said he couldn't tell me because he wasn't supposed to.

Naturally as a parent, my stomach sank. I thought of the worst situation possible. After asking alot of questions my son finally told me that my niece pulled down his pants and then took off her pants in her bed and she "rubbed her pee-pee" on his.

I completely lost my mind. Why were they sleeping in the same bed together? Why did my mother allow this knowing that my niece has had some sexual behavior issues in the past?

My niece was pulled out of school for publicly masturbating after being told over and over again that it was unacceptable. My neice made a statement claiming that my niece's mother grabbed my niece's hand while she was sleeping and began rubbing her hand on the mother's breast because she was having a dream about sex. Now let's talk about a little too much information!

So this is why I was reluctant to let my child sleep over her house with my niece.

The hamster talk with my child took place after the first incident. I only had this discussion with my son because the school system told us to approach this type of situation honestly and openly. They know what they are talking about, they are professionals and parents. I trusted their advice.

After the first incident with my niece, I did speak with my mother and my brother concerning the situation and my mother scared the living daylights out of her by telling her that I was calling the Police Department and that my niece was going to jail. I NEVER SAID THAT.

I tried to reach out to them in hopes that they would get my niece some help. It is obvious to me that she is being molested or being exposed to some type sexual activity that no seven year old should be exposed to.

My mother blamed the NJ Division of Family Youth and Services for her problem. She then said that perhaps it was the school system for not following through with their case. Not once did she say, " We should get her some help." Wouldn't you want to know if your daughter were being molested?

By the way...my brother has joint custody with his ex. My niece shares two homes.

Anyway...I had a conversation with my son. Explained to him that what my niece did was wrong and that if that ever happened to him again by ANYONE, he should not be afraid to tell mommy and daddy immediately.

A month or two later. My wife was asked to watch my niece. She accepted.

I was upstairs sleeping because I was not feeling well after work and I heard my wife scream. I ran downstairs to find my wife in tears and she began to explain to me the situation.

My wife had to go to the bathroom. When she came downstairs it was silent. She walked silently figuring they were getting into something they shouldn't have been and when she came around the corner she witnessed my niece on top of my son. She was kissing his belly with her hands on his shorts as if she were going to pull them down to perform oral sex.

I exploded. This was the second time it affected my family, and as any parent, I will protect my children at any cost. I really feel that this all could have been avoided if they would have gotten her the help she needed in the first place.

I asked my son what they were doing and he stated that my niece told him that they were going to make a baby. My son did not initiate that conversation. He is four years old. He saw hamsters have sex. He did not see people have sex, nor did I ever have that type of conversation with him. Right now he is too busy learning T-Ball and watching cartoons than worrying about sex!

Yes. I did call the Police and I personally feel that this will be the only way that my niece gets the help she needs. And the Police did not say that it was just kids being kids. What they said was that my niece was probably being molested too and that is where she learned this type of behavior.

My son was exposed to this type of behavior twice now and if I let him continue to think that it was acceptable than that would leave open the possibility for him to perform the same actions on my two year old daughter. That is one chance I do not want to take.

I am a parent. I intervened. I did not ignore this situation. I will not feel bad about it either. I did go see a therapist after the first time and he told me that if the behavior continued that I should report it. I did.

I spoke with my son once about it after the second time it happened and I am not going to bring it back up. Chances are he has forgotten it by now. I hope.

I am angry with my mother and my father and I probably will never speak to them again after the way they have reacted to this and then to go as far as posting my business on the internet in haphazard fashion without telling the complete story completely crossed the line.

I do feel that I need to shelter my children from their grandparents. If they couldn't see that one grandchild was in danger, then how can they actually be there for three?

I used to work with Juvenile Offenders who sexually molested family members. I have seen both sides and I am aware that the molester is a victim also, but as a parent...how am I supposed to protect my kids if I keep exposing them to this type of behavior?

All I want is for my niece to recieve help. I don't know if she is being molested and that would crush me if this were the case. It would also eat me up inside if that is, in fact, the case and my parents or my brother ignored this for so long.

I am just suprised that I am being made out to be the bad guy for trying to protect my niece and my son.

Answer 8

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