Before I knew him, when he was 27, he got so drunk one night he passed out. He woke up with a girl he knew, on top of him, having sex with him. She was only 16. I feel that technically HE was raped. However, he has never told me what happened after he realized what was going on (i.e., did he make her stop?). He gets upset anytime I bring it up, so I haven't been able to ask him. I don't really think he lied about how it happened. He didn't even have to tell me. Am I being blind or should I be worried he has some kind of problem?
2006-08-13 04:59:53 · 17 answers · asked by secondopinion 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
P.S. I'm not angry with him about this, but I'm definitely concerned. I have a young daughter.
2006-08-13 05:23:21 · update #1
If it were me, I would say, "You brought this to me and you can't tell me half of the story. You need to share it all with me so we can both get past this. For me, now, it's hanging in the air and seriously affecting our relationship." However, you should be prepared for whatever he says. Keep in mind that men are physical and visual beings whereas women are emotional. In other words, mid-coitus a guy can say something asinine and we're done for the evening; however, a woman can say something stupid, aside from another man's name, and he's most likely going to finish the job and then discuss it - if at all. That's just the way we're built. So, be reasonable. But...27 and 16? Ew.
2006-08-13 05:04:20 · answer #1 · answered by Scadle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all if he was that drunk and passed out he could not get an erection. He is lying to you. There is no way he was raped. He did not care in that moment and went for it. I know exactly what I do when I have drank to much. He also had sex with a minor and that is a big deal if you ask me. He is a grown man and he should know better. I hope the law finds out about this and he gets what he deserves. Find someone that is not going to lie to you and will respect the relationship you both are in.
2006-08-13 05:04:53 · answer #2 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course he set up the situation. What were a 27 and 16 year old doing together?
You need to decide if you can forgive him for something that occurred long before you met him. Also, the idea of a soulmate is rather childish. People are not perfect so a relationship between two people will be even more flawed. Don't set unrealistic expectations on your relationship. It will always have problems which you will need to work through.
2006-08-13 05:02:41 · answer #3 · answered by Plasmapuppy 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In this day and age there is no telling who was two blame in your bf's situation. You shouldn't break up with him over this, this should make your relationship stronger. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that you usually make fairly good decisions when it comes to men and that this situation is pretty much the only bad thing in your relationship. Stop worrying about this, and stop thinking that something is wrong with him. If you want him to talk to you about it, make sure you make it easy for him to talk to you about little things in life (those small things add up). And no matter how tempting don't go behind his back and research whatever may have happened to him. Trust this guy, especially if you believe he's your soulmate. I hope that helped.
2006-08-13 05:08:17 · answer #4 · answered by MakeBelieve. All you want. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi babe, u said the incident happened before u know him rite? Well, who has no past? U can't expect someone at the of 27 to be as white as a piece of paper..everyone sure has his or her own history..and not telling u what happened in my opinion, is he probably has feelings for u and definitely would not want u to know of some things & see him in bad shape. This at least is done with good intentions..if it's me(which in fact i have done something worst than ur bf), i would also not tell my current dear for fear of hurting him.. hope this would cheer u up =)
2006-08-13 05:12:20 · answer #5 · answered by azhen_msia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like his main problem is his drinking. It would be very difficult for a guy to be raped...seduced, yes. If he was in the middle of the sex act, there is no way he would stop...guys aren't made that way. Females feel very violated by rape...guys are almost impossible to violate (unless she was very ugly or had a horrible figure). Work on the drinking thing, forget the girl (unless it happens again).
2006-08-13 05:07:06 · answer #6 · answered by Dino4747 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wonder why he would have told you something like that?
Never and I mean never tell your BF / GF anything about your past unless there is a REAL need to know. Like they are hunting you down to kill you or something. Then only tell what is required and nothing more. Required info would only be a picture so they know who to watch for. Maybe their car color and what have you. But no details are required. If they ask for more break up with them because they are digging in to something that is none oftheir business and will only build distrust.
He planed to have sex with the child and If he did not plan it by the way he acts he let it finish and did not stop it.
Don't sound like a good person to have around young girls to me.
2006-08-13 05:10:13 · answer #7 · answered by Don K 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you considered the fact he may be so upset about what happened to him that he doesn't want to talk about it? That is entirely possible. When a woman is raped, she doesn't necessarily want to talk about specifics to other people. It could be what is happening in your case.
2006-08-13 05:02:54 · answer #8 · answered by sahm2boys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might feel bad that something could had happened to him like that. I wouild not bring it up, it could had happed to you. He will tell you in time if he wants, But I would drop the subject. You should not bring up his memories just like he should not question yours, I just be your self and that is what he wants, or you will lose him. Pem
2006-08-13 05:07:28 · answer #9 · answered by Patricia M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forget about it . it happened before you met him let it go and move on with your life with him .
dont let something this trivial spoll what might be the love of your life . we all make mistakes especially when we are drinking
2006-08-13 05:08:46 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋