When you have been seeing someone somewhat casually for a few months and know little about them, how do you get them to open up and talk about themselves and get closer? I know this person truly likes me.
2006-08-13 04:24:15 · 15 answers · asked by angel? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
... You may have already done this,.. but it may shift things if you were to open up and share about yourself with them. If you are more vulnerable with them,... they may feel safer being more vulnerable with you.
........ I would also reccommend that you let go of wanting this person to be any other way than the way they are right now. The more you "want" someone else to change,.. the more that person is likely to dig their heels in and hold fast to where they are. ............ Accepting someone the way they are, in each moment that they are,.. is the most powerful way to allow them to change or unfold. .... If you keep wanting this person to be other than the way they are,.. you are more likely to drive them away from you. ... If you truly accept them as they are, each moment that they are,.. they will very naturally love you and be drawn to you more and more. ..... Because this is the very nature of what it means to love. ... Real Love,.. is that which truly accepts and allows what is,.. to be as it is,... until it is ready to change. .... and in that space of true acceptance,.. change is born,... because it is allowed to come forth very naturally, and in it's own time.
2006-08-13 04:38:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the best way of finding out about a person is to pepper them with questions. Throw out your own answers so it won't look like you are grilling them. I have met few people that just open up and spill their entire life story in a couple of months. First off? In a new relationship I would wonder why they can't hold something back a little bit? Starting a relationship with another person takes time. And in a good relationship as you both grow and get older things change, you will always be getting to know the person you are with. Take baby steps and ease into it. You only get one life...but that doesn't mean it has to be a race.
Good Luck!
2006-08-13 04:31:10 · answer #2 · answered by *Monica* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This person is probably not opening up because he thinks you might not like him as much as he likes you. If you want him to open up to you, spend some time with. Soon he will realize that he can trust you. This is when he will truly open up to you. If this doesn't work then you try and open up to him. In a short period of time he will know that he can say anything around you, then you guys will be a perfect couple.
2006-08-14 13:50:32 · answer #3 · answered by Black Man 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's the practice of reaching and withdrawing.
Ask something (reach) and just shut up (withdraw). Don't ask more, and dig more and more and prod and probe.
Ask something, and give him a chance to answer, no matter how long it takes. It might take a DAY or even a WEEK for him to answer. Don't always expect an immediate answer, sometimes people don't REALLY know the answer right now. Be patient.
When he does answer, don't start commenting on his answer, instead thank him for answering you. (That would be the polite thing to do, wouldn't it?)
Example: "Joe, what's your favorite color?"
Two days later: "Mary, I've been thinking, and I think my favorite color is red."
You say, "Hey, thanks!"
Now, you can ask another question.
Good luck.
2006-08-13 04:34:57 · answer #4 · answered by John C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, does the other person know you really like him too? He might still be worried you're just being friendly and have not caught onto what he is trying to get across. Dont worry about it much, guys can be pretty shy when it comes to such things, and being insecure is better then going overboard.
Try initiating conversation, I know it sounds like a no-brainer but if you dont try... who knows?
2006-08-13 04:28:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are, as a rule, just not as open as women are. Not necessarily hiding anything, just internalizes the important things. Women are so the opposite. Just learn to get by with it...only drag it out if it is seriously important. Most guys don't like nags.
2006-08-13 04:27:50 · answer #6 · answered by rrrevils 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something may have happen in the past that cause him to be this way. He may have been hUrt and he may be afraid that if he opens up or show u too much of himself he may get hurt again.
What u could do this next time yoUr with him is to show him a lot of attention let him know that u really like him that way he can see and feel that ur about him. U can tell him how much u the kind of person u when ur involved with someone ur all about him and making sure u treat him special.
Or U can do this, ask him if he's been hurt kinda try to get him to tell u a little about his past, if he says he's been hurt or don't really trust then u can say u were once that way( even it;s a little white lie) u can say this so he can know that he can trust again.
Sometimes u have to try to get to the root of things by making up something.
I once had that happen to me with a guy I was hurt many times and a really wonderful & sweet guy I met notice I was a a bit stand offish I would tell him my birthday( because for three b-days in my past I was hurt and disappointed) he tried everything he could to get me to tell him my b-day, he even asked friends and family when they wouldn't tell him( because I had already told them if ever he ask not to say)
So he ( I have to admit) was clever he figured out that my b/day was in the near fall or winter because when I told him that whenever I wanted to celerbrate my b/day the plans would fall through because of either someone couldn't make it because they had either a cold or because of bad weather.( mistake on my part to say that without thinking)
So all of November he would either take me out or buy me something nice( It didn't really dawn on me what he was doing because I thought he was just being romanic, that when we'd go out he would have a card, a single rose, breakfast, lunch or dinner at a nice resturant) and at the end of the date he would slow dance me to my front door or my car.
Then one night he really SURPRISED me when he got down on his knees and told me he loves me he truely cares about me and he would never make me cry( from hurting) he then gave me a 3 dozen roses, a REALLY BIG CARD with tickets for two( for me& my mom) to Las Vages and said that it was his gift to me because it was my b/day and for my mom for having a wonderful person on this day.
I was stunned, because I reall thought I was being careful on not revealing my b/day.
We've been married 11yrs =-) and he has very made me cry in a hurtful way.
Too make a long story short( and I m soorry for gettin off the subject of u) just make ur friend know that ur not gonna hurt him and him know that ur about him and getting to know him
2006-08-13 05:04:04 · answer #7 · answered by itspink22@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust comes hard for those possibly hurt by others. In order to encourage them to open up, relate to them the times you've been hurt or betrayed by others. They'll feel free-er to tell you their own stories.
2006-08-13 04:45:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he has good boundaries and doesn't believe in trotting out his personal drek to the women he dates. Back off.
2006-08-13 04:29:36 · answer #9 · answered by HomeSweetSiliconValley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what qualitied he would want to see in his partner. Second question - Ask him does he find those in you? If the answer is yes, you got the answer. If the answer is no, he doesnt deserve you.
2006-08-13 04:27:29 · answer #10 · answered by Rahul S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋