Single mom needs help with embaressing situation?

Question

I am a single mom of a boy aged 12 and a girl aged 10, and as is normal for kids of that age I have to tidy up after them., and sometimes my daughter will help me in her own little way. My problem is that the other day when i went into my sons bedroom, daughter following me, to tidy up I found a couple of mens magazines on his bed,how women can pose like that I dont know, I quickly shooed my daughter out of the room, although from the questios she asked later I realise ahe saw some of the pictures.From the state some of the pages were in I can imagine what he was doing, which I suppose is normal for a boy of his age. My problem is how do I tell him to make sure he doesnt leave these magazines out again without embarressing him or myself, and how do I explain to my daughter about what was going on in the pictures.
Any serious and useful advice would be appreciated.

Answer 1

It is a normal and embarrashing situation.

To be truthful, there is no way to have this conversation WITHOUT being embarrassed. But it is still an important conversation.

You best bet is to be open, honest and up-front. Anything else and you are going to cause more problems.

Good luck, honey. It will all be okay.

Answer 2

My male friend left his porn magazines on his bed and went out with his friends when he was 11/12. When he came back, they were all neatly put away and the bedroom was very very tidy.

The thought that his mother had been in and violated his privacy was enough to remind him to keep his magazines in a more private place.

I suggest you dont confront your son about masturbation this time round, let him investigate things down there for himself but if it does become a problem put them on the dining room table when he comes home and say 'This, is for adults! When you become an adult, perhaps you will have the responsibility to put them in an appropriate place rather than where little eyes can see them. Catch my drift?!'

When children are 9 or 10 parents always talk to their children about growing up, changes that will happen to their body, feelings they will have and how religion/opinions affect their particular child. IE, sex before marriage is wrong in most religions, does this have an affect on your family's beliefs?

If you havent already done this with your son or daughter, now is the time. Otherwise they will confide in other people who may not see things your way including the violation of woman in magazines.

Giving them this pep talk when they might be getting involved in the naughtys will make the situation more embaressing for them and you. When they are 9/10 they dont really understand completely and therefore, more willing to ask questions.

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

I would tell your daughter that those were very bad magazines and that you were going to talk to your son about them. Leave that at that. When she's older you will want to tell her about the magazines and why some women degrade themselves like that. It will end up being a good lesson.

As for your son, find out where he is getting those magazines. My goodness 12 is so young. Explain to him the feelings he is going through. Let him know that it is normal, then explain your daughters innocense and let him know that you would like him to be more careful. At 12 years of age, he should be cleaning his own room, Mom. I would throw those magazines away and explain that when you find them, they will be discarded. I promise he will find a suitable hiding place! Good luck. Do you have a brother or any male figure that could talk to him. I know you are trying to do it all, but, this would be like your children's father trying to explain your daughters period to her. God bless you.

Answer 4

Making a big deal about this, won't help. Your son my become embarrassed and so will you. Tell your son that these mags are really appropriate for a child of his age. But masturbation is normal and healthy thing. It shows he is turning into a young man with wants and desires. It may also be worth mentioning that these magazines aren't really a true representation of what women do, these girls are sometimes forced to do those photoshoots and have no choice.
If all else fails, get an uncle or someone from your local Connexions service to have a word with him.
Good luck!

Answer 5

The best advice I can give comes from my personal experience, or how my mom (also a single mom) dealt with a very similar situation when I was more or less that age (I'm 31 now). What my mother told me, and I really think now it was the best approach, is that there is nothing wrong with what I was doing, that it was perfectly normal, but that I also had to understand a couple of things: that these magazines were intended for adults and why they could be embarrasing for other people.
It is indeed difficult, but I think the key is to make him see that, although what is he doing is perfectly normal and healthy, he also has to understand the concept of "privacy". He doesn't have to hide because it's wrong, he has to keep it private because there are certain things that belong to the private space of a person and forcing other people to go into that space can be violent for them.

On summary, because I'm starting to digress: On words he can understand try to make him see that what he was doing is natural, but also that privacy is important, for him and for the poeple around him.

Answer 6

Just tell your son to make sure to put his things away. You shouldn't be embarrassed about talking with your children about anything. Tell your daughter that the stuff she saw is supposed to be for adults only. If your son is 12, he's old enough to "tidy" his own room. Dusting, making the bed, vacuuming, picking up after himself, taking his dirty clothes to the hamper, everything! So is your daughter. You should have your children helping you with all the chores around the house and in the yard.

Answer 7

Hi, just explain that what happend, Just say you were tiding up and went into his room to put some of his things away and sister followed and found his magazines and asked questions about them, so would not leave them around in furture as it was embarrasing for you and embarrasing for you telling him. He should understand and then it will be all over and done with. As for your daugthter, just tell her sort of the truth, just say you dont know, because they are for boys and men only to look at, so you havent a clue. This save the embarassment, then when she gets older she will find out in her own way.

Answer 8

I think both of your children are old enough for a frank and open (though age appropriate) chat about stuff like this. They are certainly old enough to go asking their friends about it, and I prefer my (8year odld) daughter to have the truth as I see it than some confusion from the playground. Tell your daughter that when it comes to the way men feel about women, that it is very visual for the, and they get pleasure looking at women's bodies and that they look at models, some are clothed, some are not (she has probably seen page 3 of certain papers) but that women are more likely to think of these things emotionally and like to be told nice things. Talk to each of them separately.

Tell your son that unless he is going to keep his room absolutely spotless, hoovering, tidying, dusting and polishing, that you still need to have access to it in order to clean it. Tell him that while you respect his privacy, as long as you need access to his room, and because he has a younger sister, certain items he keeps are inapropriate to be left lying around. Maybe you could buy him a lockable file of some sort, put it in his room and ask him to leave stuff that he would rather other people didn't see in this file. Good luck.

Answer 9

your probly be suprised how much a 10 year old probly knows!maybe you shouldnt worry about what to tell your daughter unless she asks questions again,and if she does maybe just explain that its for the older comunity and she will understand why girls do that when she gets a bit older.as for your son,maybe just a casuall talk will do the trick,just drop into the conversation"oh by the way do you mind shifting your mags under your pillow in future please"and leave it as that.any more talk will prob really embarase him and im sure if he hears in your voice a little un easy it may make him embarased aswell.try and do it when there is no one else around,and even better with out making eye contact (maybe just say it as you load the machine or summit!)after that, change the conversation and carry on! im sure he will get the message!all the best

Answer 10

It's so normal!!! Just tell him to keep the magazines in a place where they are out of view. My son started that at 13. As for your daughter just tell her he must have needed the magazines for a school project on articles or something like that. Good luck.

Answer 11

There is no way to get around embarrasment.
You have two choices
1- remove the magazines and say nothing. Your sone will know they were discovered

2- Be open and honest and explain that what he is now feeling is normal but he will have to be discreet (it you dont mind what he's doing) If you do mind, then take a stand in a nice way and avoid being agressive and try not to look him dead in the eyes (it will be uncomfortable enough without the eye contact