My mother helps me to take care of my baby son when I am at work. She has become very attached to him. However, as a working mom, time with my baby is precious. Recently, I was on leave and wanted to spend bonding time with my baby. However, my mom keeps coming over and when she comes over, she will want to bathe him, feed him etc, leaving me the bystander. How do I let her know nicely that when I am on leave from work, I want to bond with my baby alone?
2006-08-13 04:03:02 · 14 answers · asked by Lido 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I don't know if you are close with you're mom but it sounds like she is a really great lady and you get along with her great.. Sometime when she comes over.. Sit her down tell her you just want to talk and have a real heart to heart talk with her.. let her know how much you really appreciate all her help and everything she does for you and you're son.. let her know that you know how much she loves you're son but he's only going to be you're little boy for so long.. you really need that time to share with you're son but now and then you will make time for all 3 of you to share time together and slowly start cutting her time back.. my mother was that way with me and my daughter.. she was the first grandchild in the family and I would get so mad that I wasn't there for some of the first in her life.. Like her first movie out.. I would have like to be the first person to take her but my mom came and got her and when she got back from what I thought was a shopping trip.. she had taken her and thought I wouldn't mind.. I know it sounds silly but it only happens once and she will understand..
2006-08-13 04:20:10 · answer #1 · answered by ambereyes13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your mother thinks she is being helpful. Just explain to her how you are feeling. She will appreciate your honesty. Plus, if this is the first grandbaby, this is a special time for her too. I know you are grateful that your mother is able to tend to your baby and you don't have to leave him to a stranger to care for. You just can't trust anyone these days. You could also try bathing him at night, or a time of the day that she isn't there. Then when she comes over just tell her that he has had his bath. It wouldn't hurt for him to have another if she insist. Then you both get that special time with him. Congrats on the new baby!!! God bless you. Enjoy this special time with your mom as well. Remember that she will not always be on this Earth.
2006-08-13 12:01:03 · answer #2 · answered by jennifer c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Plan some outings for you and baby, you can find lots of free things to do. Go to the park and point things out (trees, birds, ducks), go to the museum, or go for a walk. He will love spending the quality time with you plus be stimulated by the new exciting things. If you can't leave the house let your mom know in advance very politely that you and baby will be spending quality time together today and that she's welcome to come over tomm. or Wed or whenever. But you will call if you need anything.
2006-08-13 11:33:15 · answer #3 · answered by loudmouth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're ungrateful; I think your mom has "over-bonded" with your son. She's become TOO attached to him. You need to be firm, but try to be nice about it; after all, she is helping you out. Remind her that you appreciate all she does for you when you're at work, but when you're home you'd like to be the best mother you can be to your son. Don't let her run over you. He is YOUR son. If you don't take care of this now it will get worse.
2006-08-13 11:10:38 · answer #4 · answered by telaine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just need to tell her . . . tell her that you really appreciate what great care she takes of the baby when you cant be there. Then tell her that you feel like you are missing out on the one-on-one time that stay-at-home moms get with their babies, and that you want to spend more time alone with the baby when you can. I'm sure she'll understand, she's probably just trying to help, or helping out of habit. She sounds like a great mom, I'm sure you will be able to work it out with her
2006-08-13 11:11:31 · answer #5 · answered by dbmamaz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Exactly the way you wrote it. You are not ungrateful. Make sure you tell your mother how much you appreciate what she does for you and your son but not having much time with him because you work, you'd like to bond with him. She's a mom, she'll understand.
2006-08-13 12:43:59 · answer #6 · answered by Shaana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let her know that you appreciate everything she does for you, but that you feel it is important for you to have some quality time with just you and your son, and that because you work, time with him is even more precious.
if that doesn't work, call her in the morning and tell her she can get on with whatever she needs to that day, because you'll be in all day and you'll be ok with the baby, or that you're going out, so theres no point coming round (even if you're not). that way, it looks like you're just concerned about taking up her time rather than offending her.
2006-08-13 11:14:19 · answer #7 · answered by stephizzal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she sees her self as the primary care giver of the child.. you set this pattern up by returning to work rather than staying home to be the parent yourself.... she has bonded and will have a hard time taking the back seat now...
where is the father?? why cant you work out a better arrangement so you only work partime ideally in contrast to his hours so one parent is always home with the kid??
kids need stabiltiy they need parents who are going to be home for them at least for the first 5 years, which are the most formative years....
tell your mom you are quitting your job and your kid is coming first - or that you are only going to work 3 days a week so will only need her on those 3 days or whatever...
2006-08-13 11:10:35 · answer #8 · answered by CF_ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one... I'd be as diplomatic as possible. It is wonderful that you have your mom's help and that your son has this time with his grandmother, which many children do not have, but of course you don't want to feel like outsider with your son. Do what you can to "share" the gifts you have. Be happy your mom is there for your support, maybe offer her some "time off" or time shared just the 3 of you, so that she won't feel like an outsider....
2006-08-13 11:09:01 · answer #9 · answered by valisme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her mom look i love you but i need some bonding time with my baby. just tell her she needs to know i hate it when my husbands mother and granmother come over and do that to me too. like say they will come over really early in the morning and give her a bath. she isnt dirty i give her baths at night. And they always ask her if she is hungray even though i feed her like 20 minutes before they come over. but any ways good luck and congrats.
2006-08-13 11:24:16 · answer #10 · answered by Crimson_Skies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋