last time i asked a question liked this everyone said that i nedd to just tell them how i'm feeling and handling with there divorce not just say in fine. but its harder then that because im afraid if i say anything there just gonna use it in cout against each other. Not that eighther if them did anything bad its just now there there going to court they are reall angy at each other.
they already have been using my brother's and mine words against each other.
what should i do now?
2006-08-13 03:57:28 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Divorce is tough for everyone. From a parent's perspective, you have spent a number of years loving someone and having children with them and then things change and it ends. And no matter how good the ending is parents always have a lot of guilt about whether or not they may be potentially hurting their kids in the long run.
A period leading up to or after divorce is a time of great insecurity for people. It is a huge decision to end a relationship, especially when kids are involved. It's bad enough to wonder if you've screwed up your own life by choosing divorce, it's even worse to think you may have screwed up your kids life too.
Because divorce is so emotional and stressful, people often look for ways to alleviate their sense of guilt by proving to themselves and everyone around them that they are not a bad person. The reality is that there is still a lot negative perception around divorce and no one wants to be the bad guy. So they try to prove that the other person is the bad guy because they believe divorce is bad so someone needs to be the bad guy.
Probably the best thing you can do, is be yourself, focus on doing well in school and living your life like the normal kid you are and give your parents some space to work out their emotions.
You also need to realize that as your parents divorce, they are both likely afraid that they will lose you or that you will hate them or not love them anymore. When they ask you if you are ok, they likely are really asking if you are ok with them.
If you really are ok then when they ask you, just tell them that yes you are ok and that you love them, that may help. During a time when they are feeling unloved and like a screw up, they just need love from those people still in their life.
2006-08-13 04:21:37 · answer #1 · answered by Kaoss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question you asked yesterday lead me to believe you were okay with the divorce. It is okay to feel hurt and sad about a divorce. When your parents ask you how you feel, try to keep it generalized. Just tell them the worse part of the divorce is this fight they are putting you and your brother through. Tell them you feel that they are only asking to get fuel from court.
Sometimes grown-ups even forget who the kids are. They have a lot of emotions going on and I am so sorry that you are stuck in the middle. Divorce can be good though. The fighting will stop. You will have two homes. Plus, a lot of parents will try to out-do the other and you will probably get a lot more stuff. I know this doesn't substitute for having a family, but it sounds like there is no chance for that to happen again anyway. Remember that God doesn't put more on us than we can handle. You can learn from their mistakes and keep this in mind just in case you ever are put in the same situtation. Take this opportunity to get closer to your brother. If the two of you are anything like my kids, chances are you could use a common ground. God bless and everything will work out. Don't concentrate on things you have no control over, if you do, you will make yourself sick. Study and do what you know you are suppose to do.
2006-08-13 04:08:18 · answer #2 · answered by jennifer c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
could go either way, depends on the reason for the divorce and how badly the child was affected: 1 - a divorce will be more likely because the child has not witnessed fully the sanctity of marriage and therefore could decide to give up when things get tough 2 - a divorce will be less likely as the child knows first-hand the rough time his parents (and he) had as a direct result of the divorce, and would not like to experience that (or for his children to experience that) therefore he would be more inclined to do whatever it took to make the marriage work. Have I actually answered your question here or just stated the plain obvious? Apologies if you feel I have!
2016-03-27 00:09:45 · answer #3 · answered by Teresa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah, it has gotten to that nasty phase eh? Not much you can do except pop some popcorn and munch it while watching the train wreck. You might want a large soda too.
I am not being flip, it is no longer logical. When it gets to this point, there is nothing you can say or do that will alter the outcome of it. It is not rational.
So shrug and get on with your life, because they will certainly get on with theirs when it is over.
It is just past the point where you can do anything about it.
-Dio
2006-08-13 04:07:12 · answer #4 · answered by diogenese19348 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that it's hard to talk to people about personal family matters but if possible you need to talk to your minister or maybe a teacher that you trust. Divorce is hard on everyone, especially the kids. If you can get your parents to listen to you, tell them they are forcing you to be in the middle and that you don't want them using you and your brother to hurt each other.
2006-08-13 04:11:32 · answer #5 · answered by mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YEAH, i get it, people are going to say, "talk to your parents" but its not as easy as it sounds, but if you dont want to talk to them, then you just have to understand that this happens, and no matter what gets said or no matter what you feel, its not your fault, this would have probley happened no matter what, and its gonna be hard, but you just have to stay strong, your parents are going to argue for a while but after that they'll probley get civil again, they might not like each other but sooner or later they'll become civil, but the only thing you can do is stay strong, you cant stop them from getting divorced!!!!!!
2006-08-13 04:26:02 · answer #6 · answered by Leesh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It must be a very stressful time for you. Have you thought about writing separate letters to your parents telling them how you feel and what effect their actions are having on you and your brother. It might give them something else to think about and stop them from arguing. Also you could speak to your doctor if it is affecting your health he could refer you to a counsellor. This is a professional person who would listen and advise you on any problems you may have in dealing with your parents divorce.
Good luck.
2006-08-13 04:11:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Realize it is their relationship that is causing this, not you and your brother. I'm certain individually they both love you very much, but together they are just poison. That part will pass but the process is nasty.
Do not hold what they are doing to the family right now against them forever. They will eventually find their ways again and do what is right.
2006-08-13 04:07:24 · answer #8 · answered by szydkids 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to some one outside of the family.
Tell your parents that you want to see a counsler.
2006-08-13 04:03:44 · answer #9 · answered by wildbill05733 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my parents are divorced,too. first,talk yo your brother. my brother and i always talk. next talk your friends. if they are true friends they will listen. most importantly TALK TO YOUR PARENTS!!! they will listen. i was afraid to talk to my dad and step-mom because i was afraid that they wouldn't let me see them, but i choose the schedule and it is great.
i wish you the best of luck!!;)
PS don't be afraid to yell and cry a little. that will show them that what they are doing really is hurting you and your brother
2006-08-13 04:07:46 · answer #10 · answered by jenette 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋