he's in the army, and He just renlisted for 6 more years. We been together for 7 months. I know its gonna be tough, and i know that when he leaves on deployment its gonna be tough. He just got back for iraq, and got orders to go bac next year. As soon as he got the orders he left me. i love him to death, and i dont want to let him go. Im willing to wait 6 years for him. But he see's it as stringing me along. We were planning on getting married and having kids. and this break up came out the blue, i never saw it coming. Also i think his friends influenced his decision. Most of his friends are divorce or going through bad break ups. They are telling him things that happen in their relationship and he's basing it on ours. He's also been drinking more since the break up. and im worry about him. He's been avoiding me and his family, he hasnt even come home for the past 2 weekends. He's avoiding the situation n trying to convince himself he's making the right decision by letting me go.
2006-08-13 03:46:07 · 12 answers · asked by Maris 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
There are a number of factors involved here. I speak from personal experience here, as I have been deployed twice.
1) Could very well be the paycheck. I made about 10K in less than 5 months on my last one...Hostile fire pay, regular pay, tax free and many other compensatory payments that go along with deployments.
2) OR maybe he really likes what he does and wants to make a difference in the world...
3) It is very possible if not probable that he does not want you feel the angst of having to be in a long-distance relationship...NOBODY wants to be hurt (if this is the case, the LEAST he could do is explain it as gently as possible)
4) As far as Drinking is concerned, Commanders and Policy prohibit alcohol in many Deployed locations.....booze and loaded weapons are NOT a good mix. When one returns from a lengthy absence sans booze, one WILL compensate for time lost. Fact of life.
5) Do not take his avoiding you and his family personal. A lot of people who return from deployments need 'Me Time' and take longer to re-introduce themselves to society and re-adjust slowly.
I do understand your feelings. I witnessed 2 divorces in my unit alone during one deployment, and another guy who fell in love with a gal (same deployment, same unit) who failed to tell his girl he was already MARRIED. Deployments are NO fun for anyone involved in a non-marital relationship. Less fun if you happen to be on the receiving end of a break-up.
Please try to understand where he has been and what he does for a living, and although he may have re-enlisted by choice, it might not have been his choice to get more orders. Hence, he most likely feels like he hasn't much left to offer you other than long distance correspondence, and therefore he'd certainly see himself as 'stringing you along', and doesn't want to do that to you.
Very painful dilemma, I know. All we can do in situations like this is hope for the best.
Probably not much help, but again, I speak from experience and believe it or not, things really DO have a way of working themselves out; sometimes for the better. Give it time
good luck
2006-08-13 04:33:41 · answer #1 · answered by girl next door 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as you make several valid points as a stay at home mama I will say we are losing our rights, I am treated as a lesser person for not bringing in money. when my hubby was home sick for a month we applied for short term aid. I as a stay at home mama do not qualify for aid I would have to get a part time job of 20 hours a week they would pay for day care for my babies and for our rent and food only if I worked, costing the government much much more. So while you may think that we can choose between both worlds you are WRONG society is now demanding the woman in the work place to qualify for loans, to make enough money for a home in most states both husband and wife have to work. The baby boomers were able to have it all because they lived in a society where homes were for single income rates living with double incomes they could have the campers, long vacations better homes ect. Now trying to be a single income home in a double income society is not easy add being treated like a lessor person and you will see that society has truly changed a ton and in my opinion not for the better, women no matter what you want to think are not being treated better at home or at the office. There are more domestic abuses reported today and a ton more domestic abuse related deaths today then 50 years ago.
2016-03-16 21:53:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for what happened to you, but your going to have to let him realize it on his own. If he's already made the decision, then there is most likely nothing you can do to change it. Talk to him, tell him how you feel, but don't push. If its meant to be, it will be.
Good luck.
2006-08-13 03:51:40 · answer #3 · answered by carisathedreamer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make sure why he's breaking up with you. if it is something you guys can work out then, try to show him that you love him and that there is a future. however, be careful. you may be just getting hurt. if a man isn't ready to committ after 7 months, he may not be ready ever. maybe he is giving you a clue as to what his real feelings are.
2006-08-13 03:49:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of things seem to be going on with him right now. War is a scary thing and it makes you think of your death and all of your loved ones. Know that he is scared right now. Right now the best thing for you to do is be a great friend to this guy. First let him know your intentions (wanting to be his girl and being willing to wait) and then do everything you can to show him your intentions. Best wishes and I hope he comes back to you safe.
2006-08-13 03:55:57 · answer #5 · answered by firecracker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once they're been in the army a little while, army becomes life to them and they never want to come back. After he serves 6 years he'll want to re-enlist for more
2006-08-13 03:49:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sweet heat seems like you already got the message LOUD AND CLEAR. you said hes avoiding you and this is what he wants you can chase him and make him listen and torment him with all your crys and whims but sounds like hes done so get a a hold of it . let him go .its like the bird if he comes back to you then it was meant to be.
2006-08-13 03:52:57 · answer #7 · answered by wewamom2503 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait six years, keep writing letters. If he's the kind of guy you say he is, he'll come back.
2006-08-13 03:50:01 · answer #8 · answered by Answers1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to let him go at least you spent 7 mths and not 7 yrs with him
2006-08-13 03:51:33 · answer #9 · answered by gabby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why do you want to cling to some one who evidently does not love you any more move on iam sure there is some one special for you ,
2006-08-13 03:55:44 · answer #10 · answered by cluelesskat maria 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋