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2006-08-13 03:37:37 · 30 answers · asked by danika1066 4 in Society & Culture Etiquette

My friend "Lucy" is sleeping with a mutual friend's husband. I know this for a fact. It disgusts me, but I don't know what to do. Some people say "don't get involved" ... but it really bothers me. If it were me, I feel I would want to know. Help?

2006-08-13 03:40:09 · update #1

I'm revising the details on this Q b/c some people weren't sure whether or not I am friends with BOTH of the parties involved in this ordeal. Well, I am very good friends with everyone involved, including the cheating husband. I discovered that my friend was cheating with our mutual friend's husband because he came over unexpectedly when I was at her house! The sitation was extremely uncomfortable and tense, so I knew something was going on. After he left, she told me. She showed me a necklace he had given to her that was inscribed and everything ... I am so pissed about this because I really enjoy being friends with these people. Who in the hell would ever sleep with your good friend's husband???? WTF? So, do you think I should take any action here? I know my friend would want to know that her hubby is a cheater ... but perhaps she should just find out for herself?

2006-08-13 05:46:25 · update #2

30 answers

You never tell. Stay out of it, if you want to you may talk to the cheaters, but not to the wife.

Why? because once it is public, she will have to "see" it, and take action. Most likely, she knows and suspects, but she is chosing to stay put. Telling her would just humiliate her.

Just stay on the side, and be ready to offer help and support when it will be needed.

2006-08-13 03:41:14 · answer #1 · answered by OneLilithHidesAnother 4 · 2 0

Well is the other woman your friend as well?? Because do to the fact that you happen to know what is goin on, then if and when the truth comes out, you are gonna be a guilty part in this affair. Just for the knowledge of it and keeping it a secret. So if asked anything involving the situation, whatever you do , DO NOT lie or cover up for someone who obviously isn't a real man to have a Bride anyways!!!! Tammy

2006-08-13 11:54:02 · answer #2 · answered by Tammy G 1 · 0 0

I am with the crowd that says to mind your own business and here's why -

The person you want to tell may already know about it. Sometimes spouses ignore errant behavior because holding onto the marriage is more important to them. By your mentioning it, in the least you are embarrassing them and at the most you are forcing them to do something about it which they may not have wanted to do or may not even be in their best interest. You will also risk alienation by at least one if not all parties concerned. Even if you feel you are doing the right thing, you will forever be a reminder to each one of those people of the situation and your relationship with them will probably end on that basis.

In the old days messengers bringing bad news were killed. You might want to bear that in mind.

2006-08-13 10:48:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

Man alive that is such a hard position.
Been there...kinda, been in that situation but not your position if you know what i mean.
Instead of coming outright and saying hey Lucy your husbands cheating on you with carol! or whatever the girls names are... You could try dropping a few hints to lisa...Lucy isnt it weird how close carol and tom are? Lucy where was tom last night? i thought i saw him out but it must have been someone else.
Make Lucy (the wife) suspicious enough to come to you and ask, that way carol (the friend whose doing the seducing) cant be too pissed at you for telling...
If you come right out and just say it you could loose both friends.

2006-08-13 10:43:33 · answer #4 · answered by Carthlete 2 · 1 0

Well if you do tell she will hate you and your friendship will be over. If you are willing to do that, for the sake of saving that guy from being made a total fool of do so.

No one feels more stupid than when they are the last to know that they have been duped by someone they loved or trusted.

At the same time, the guy might hate you too for having destroyed his life...he may already suspect it, but to hear it confirmed could be too much for him to handle.

If you can't live with it, tell your friend you can no longer be her friend or theirs...or if you really have to tell the guy, slip him a note (typed preferrably) short and simple saying your wife is cheating on you, mention no names...then maybe the guy will start asking questions and his wife will tell him....or maybe he will question other friends and then you can come clean. You never have to claim ownership of that letter if you don't want and frankly you shouldn't...they could both still hate you for being the one to destroy thier lives...as I said they might already know and interfering could send someone over the edge.

I tend to agree too that no matter how good a friend you are for telling, if it was me and you were the bearer of that news, I don't know that I could ever forget that you were the one to give it to me and as such I just may not be able to ever look at you again, despite the fact you cared enough to tell me. You would just be a very stark reminder...perhaps with time...really hard to say there.

2006-08-13 11:06:17 · answer #5 · answered by EVE 3 · 0 1

It is hard to say. Either way you are going to lose a friend possibly if you don't say anything or if you do. I guess you have to way the friendship between the two. I think I would let the one know that your not fond of her actions but getting involved might get you in the middle of things. But then if your friend finds out you knew and didn't say anything then she might be mad. I guess if you are a drama seeker then tell her but be willing to face what might happen.

2006-08-13 11:25:58 · answer #6 · answered by dmxdragon2 6 · 0 0

I would say something. Sit her down and tell her what you found out. Explain that you didn't want to get involved but that you feel it's only fair that she knows. If you are a true friend to her you HAVE to let her know. Now your other friend, if she is doing it to her - how can you be sure she won't do it to you? There are so many guys out there - why go after someone that is already taken?

2006-08-13 10:46:47 · answer #7 · answered by Chela 3 · 0 0

Its your own conscience that will tell you what to do. Just keep one thing in mind, you must be prepared to either or all of your friends whether you tell or not. The friend who's husband is cheating will feel you've been disloyal if you don't tell her and she finds out you knew. The other friends will feel the same if you tell.
Personally having been in your position and the friend who's husband is cheating. I would talk to the husband first and let him know how you feel, tell him unless he tells his wife himself or is prepared to stop the affair then you will tell his wife. If he wants to keep his marriage then he will stop. If he doesnt then you can be a friend to his wife, she will need a friend.

2006-08-13 10:48:46 · answer #8 · answered by sarkyastic31 4 · 1 0

I would confront the friend who is sleeping with the husband. Tell her that you know what is going on and if she doesn't tell the wife, you will. Give her a few days and then talk to the wife.

2006-08-13 10:42:35 · answer #9 · answered by candace 4 · 0 0

be prepared to get caught in the crossfire for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. your friend (the unsuspecting wife) may end up resenting the fact that you knew and said nothing. it's a no win situation. put it on the cheaters' plate to come clean.

2006-08-13 13:16:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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