oi vey!
2006-08-13 03:00:22 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A Jew is the sole survivor of a shipwreck and manages to swim to a deserted island. After 3 long, lonely years, he is rescued. Before he leaves, he wants to give his rescuers a tour of "his" island, to show them what he's accomplished.
"Over here is my cabin," he says, "that I built out of palm fronds and driftwood. It helps keep out the elements. And up in that tree is the elevator platform where I keep my extra food, so the insects and wild pigs can't get it. And way over there are the two synagogues I built."
"Two synagogues?" asks one of the rescuers, "Why on earth would you build TWO synagogues?"
"Well, that one there (points) is where I go to pray to God, celebrate the sabbath, reaffirm my faith, and thank Him for keeping me alive. And (points at the other one) I wouldn't be caught dead in THAT one."
2006-08-13 03:02:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marilyn Manson
2006-08-13 10:03:01 · answer #2 · answered by Suspended 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Difference between A Jewish Woman and Poverty?
Poverty sucks.
2006-08-17 06:31:42 · answer #3 · answered by Bond 000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A Jewish guy from New York wanted to send his elderly mother in Florida a wonderful birthday present because she was feeling lonely. He got the idea of buying her a pet but a dog was out and she was allergic to cats.
He called a pet shop in his mother's city and explained the situation.
"I've got just the thing. I have a parrot who was trained to sing beautiful yiddish songs."
"That is a great idea. Please deliver the bird tomorrow for her birthday," the guy said.
The next evening, the guy calls his mother to wish her a happy birthday and he asks her, "How did you like the parrot?"
"He was delicious," replied the mother.
"YOU ATE THE PARROT?" the guy yelled. That parrot was very expensive and was able to sing many beautiful Yiddish songs!"
And mom said, "So why didn't he speak up?."
I
2006-08-13 12:14:50 · answer #4 · answered by scourgeoftheleft 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sadie, an elderly lady, goes up to a man at a bus stop in Golders Green.
She tugs on the sleeve of his coat and asks, "Farshtayn Yiddish?"
The man answers, "Yes, Ich Farshtay."
Sadie then says, "Vot Time is It?"
2006-08-13 10:03:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do Jews get circumcised?
Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's 25% off!
2006-08-13 10:16:56 · answer #6 · answered by Helga J 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
whats the diffrence between jews and bread. bread doesnt scream when u put it in the oven! im jewish but think this is funny!
2006-08-13 10:03:22 · answer #7 · answered by omri s 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.
He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.
When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
2006-08-14 04:01:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
LoL !!! don't know any jokes about jews, but the one with the difference between a bread and a jew is killing me :)))))))
2006-08-13 10:12:45 · answer #9 · answered by n_u_s_i_k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont get the syangue joke
2006-08-13 10:29:40 · answer #10 · answered by buyaksha 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋