i've been seeing a guy for 7 months, he says he doesn't want a relationship?

Question

but everytime he says he doesn't want to see me anymore, he always comes back. he texts me when he leaves work at midnight, calls me when he gets home and stays on the phone with me for hours, stops over after work all the time and brings his two girls to see me all the time. he says we're " just friends " and that it's all we'll ever be. i'm a little confused by all this. it seems to me that we do have a relationship, but he says no it's not. when i go see him at work on his breaks, he always kisses me bye but not until everyone else has already gone inside. i asked him why he waits and he said cause he's tired of all the questions from people about us. he's been divorced for about a year but says that he still loves his ex wife...says that's why he doesn't want a relationship with anyone else. he told me once that he loved me, but then later on said that he didn't. i really love him a lot, but it's getting a little tireing...don't know if i should give it more time or call it quits

Answer 1

A relationship is defined as a connection or association, a kinship by blood or marriage, or a romantic or sexual involvement. So the fact of the matter is that you do have a relationship with this man. It is just not a kinship or a romantic one. But it is an association with the possibility of becoming a romantic. He said that you guys are friends and that is all you will ever be. Then so be it. Be just his friend. No more late night phone calls and staying on for hours. Those are for lovers and lovers only. He can still stop by with his girls but not as often. You can still stop by his place of work, but not as often. You can love him, but only as a friend. There is nothing confusing about it. It is just a matter of knowing what kind of relationship it is. Now that you know, you can act on it. If you are looking for a romantic relationship, then look else where. He has already said things to indicate that will never be between the two of you and there is no need for you to be all worried and tired out about it. You can still be his friend, but find another friend who wants to be more.

Answer 2

reminds me of a thing I experienced a couple of months ago: there was this women I quite liked. We met regularly and I thought something developed... like you said: we talked for hours, spend good times. Went sexual. However, she was quite cold (not to say: deep-frozen) about the relationsship thing.

Somewhen I discovered she had that same type of relationsship with two other men at the same time. From what she told me when confronted with this issue I figured out she has a kind of deeply anchored relationship-fear: she wouldn't commit to a relationship because she would have to give up other liberties, while suffering from not having a relationship at the same time.

What I learned out of this: a leopard can't change his spots. You cannot make a person rethink their views if they don't see the necessity.
Since she refused to take responsibility for her life, I quit. As you put it, it has been too tireing...

Answer 3

it sounds to me that either (a) he likes you but isnt over his divorse yet (which will prolly take some time) or (b) hes not over his ex and in the mean time he's just lookin for some booty and everytime he thinks it might workout with his ex again he dumps you until he realizes he was wrong then comes crawling back.....i had a guy do something similar to this with me once....i knew the whole time but i was in denial so if you have a feeling of what might be going on...chances are it prolly is...just do what you think is right...you should talk to the guy first....tell him if he dont want a relationship then you cant see him anymore bc thats what you need now not a "friend"

Answer 4

whether he it or not, the two of you are in a relationship. every time he says he doesnt want to see you, he admits that you two are in a relationship.he might be afraid of getting hurt. which is a valid point, but thats the gamble you take. he might still love his ex-wife because she might be the mother of his children. and those are all good reasons to stay singel, how intimate are you guys. have you had sex, cpl times or all the time. how long are you willing to continue with him saying he doesnt wanna see you anymore then turn back around and ask you to come back.he likes the conveniance of the relationship.tell him to be the man you both know he can be or quit wasting your time so you can find the man you deserve

Answer 5

It sounds like he wants his cake and be able to eat it to. Fair enough if he still loves his ex but he should definately not be toying with your feelings and wasting your time if he knows that he doesn't want a relationship with you. It appears that he likes having all the perks of a relationship just not having it labelled as one which suggests he is looking for other women also or perhaps he is seeing other women. I'd end it and tell him to stop calling, texting, visiting etc and find yourself a real man that can devote himself to you only...you deserve better. Goodluck.

Answer 6

Time is not the issue for a relation but the true feeling for love and care what matter in life. here in your life he is not even thinking of you, he is just making a time pass that's what it seems from your words. I think he is doing time pass, see on one point you say he kisses you but in alone now there it is he is not interested to show people that you exist, in that way when he gets a better option that you in his eyes he will leave you. see their is one more thing to understand if you love and want to care for him and live with him you have to got alone and win his heart and love and care its will need lot of time and heart if you can do so than go forward and do that or just get out of it he is just one guy, you will get what ever you want just search.

Answer 7

Call it quits... he's confused right now. He says he never wants to be in a serious relationship again but seems like he has one with you. It's like he has a duck... but instead of CALLING it a duck.... he puts a hat with a feather in it on the duck's head and calls it macaroni.

If he still loves his ex he should not be kissing on you. If you are looking for a HEALTHY relationship, at least wait til he gets himself sorted out.

Answer 8

sometimes great things can come out of friendships. but if you are not getting what you need from this.. then i would move on. maybe take a break from him.. dont answer his calls or text him back. give him some down time from you always being there for him and maybe he will see how much you mean to him. good luck.

Answer 9

he doesnt want to be lonely. but at the same time he doesnt want to be in complicated relationship. its like he's tricking you and saying that you two have nothing WHEN IN FACT YOU DO. so basically cut him loose because what hes doing is emotionally detaching himself from you but at the same time getting all the goodies. and when he says he doesnt was a relationship with anyone else, he REALLY means he doesnt want that kind of relationship with you. like someone else said, he's not that into you. please move on, you're wasting your time on some "friend" that DOES NOT deserve you.

Answer 10

Gee, give this guy some time to readjust to being single! It takes more than 18 or 19 months to adjust to being single. Heck woman, we have to be happy with ourselves before we can take on a relationship! Stop giving him sex! Damn!

Let this guy move on!