Is it possible to be in love with someone without being sexually attracted to them?

Question

I had already asked this question but I had to add more detail. Ok, so I have this bf (sort of, I don't know what we are anymore). I met him online a little over 4 yrs. ago. We chatted, talked on the phone and met in person after 3 weeks. He was attracted to me, I wasn't to him. But we talked and talked. It was so much fun being with him. I had never felt that with any guy.So I decided to "try him on for size", we dated for 2 weeks, but I just wasn't feeling the sexual chemistry. So I told him that we should just be friends, he got mad and we stopped seeing eachother. 3 wks later he called me and said we could be friends. So we became best friends. Later that year, he met this girl, an acquaintance of mine, he liked her a lot, the feeling wasn't mutual, she made him think that there was something then dumped him, he was really hurt and I was so mad at her, I called her up and said some nasty things to her, she told him that I was in love with him. I denied it.

But it got me thinking, why did I react like that, I barely knew the girl. But then later on he started seeing more girls, and I would get a bit jealous. So anyway, he was the first guy I had sex with, he said if I wanted to be with him, lets have sex, so I said ok. I know, I was sort of bullied into it. And I liked the sex at first but wanted to break it off 3 monts later, but we stayed together. I would do anything for this man and vice versa, he wants to marry me, be the father of my kids, I get sentimental and imagine us as an old couple when I see his first grey hairs. When I see him again after a few days of not seeing him, I get so happy, I just want to crush him in my arms. I get jealous when I imagine him with someone else. I love the way he is, his intelligence, everything. He's my best friend and vice versa. I like it when he touches me. But I just don't want to have sex, I'm just not turned on. Maybe it's just a deep friendship on my part? I'm just starved for attention?

If it wasn't for the sex issue, I would've already married him.

There's just so many possibilities. I've considered the fact that I'm insecure about myself and that maybe this doesn't permit me to feel that sexual attraction. I think maybe I have to get rid of this insecurity in order to accept him as he is. I feel guilty when he wants sex and I don't. And I tell him, find someone else, lets stop seeing eachother for awhile, but he doesn't want to. He says he loves me. Sometimes I feel that I'll be making a big mistake by letting him go, also by not letting him go. I'm so confused. Maybe if we break up, it'll be good and it will give me the time I need to grow up or we'll end up married anyway a few years from now. Or maybe I just fee this way because he was the first man I had sex with. SIGH I don't know!

Answer 1

I will keep this simple....
YES! You can be in love with someone without being sexually attracted to them.

Answer 2

That all depends on what you are calling love. Some forms of love have nothing to do with sex. On the other hand, as a Man, if I see an attractive female and we hit it off I know on some level I will want to have sex with her. I also know from intimate talks with women the feeling is mutual. Is it possible? Yes. Is it traditional? No. I have had some relationships that lasted only minutes longer than the sex, and; I don't think I am the exeption. And if you try and be discreet about this fact and slow things down, you are likely to insult the person you are with making them think you believe they are a whore. There is no way to say, been there done that, and have them hear anything other than you think I am a whore. They yell at you and bam the attraction is gone, social, sexual, all of it. Game over. So, Yes and No.

Answer 3

I think this can very well happen. When I first met my boyfriend I was not sexually attracted to him. I also met him online, but the relationship did not start online. We met for some random reason and when I first met him, I thought he was gay. He initially had a moustache and beard and I wasn't really physically attracted to him. the first thing I liked about him was his personality and the way he smiled. I couldn't get it out of my head. Now after time, I've fallen completely in love with him and now I think he is the cutest guy I've ever met in my entire life. Seriously once he shaved he looked like Johnny Depp when he was young. Now girls are always drooling at him and I seriously can't go anywhere with him without people gawking at him. He's now my fiance and we are expecting a baby in February.

Even if you aren't initially sexually attracted to him, doesn't mean you won't be 5 maybe 10 years from now. Looks aren't everything and usually relationships grow from friendships. I'd recommend stay being best friends for now, but who knows maybe in several year you will realize he's been the one you've been wanting all along. Just give it time, you might come around.

Answer 4

There is a big difference between being IN LOVE with someone and LOVING someone. It sounds to me like you "love" this guy but are not "in love" with this guy. That is entirely plausible. I believe that being sexually attracted to a person is what brings loving someone to the next level, the "in love" level or being "in love" is what brings the sexual attraction. That being said, your feelings can change over time and what might start out as love could easily move to being in love but you'll know that because suddenly you will start looking at him in a sexual kind of way. That is what happened to me and thankfully to him as well but it happened after just 6 months of friendship, not 4 years. I think its safe to say that you love this guy but as a very dear friend. And of course if someone treated your friend like dirt then any true friend would call and give the person quite a piece of their mind, if that was all the other girl based her assumtion on then....well, we arent really talking about a smart person anyway because a smart person would have been honest with the guy like you were. Getting mad at her and calling and telling her what a ***** she was just means that you are a true friend to this guy. Now all that being said, dont pull a "My Best Friends Wedding" moment and start freaking out and thinking you are in love with him the minute he does get a real girlfriend. It will pretty much be the same situation as in the movie. Just remember you love this man enough that you want someone to love him like he deserves and you already know that isnt you.

Answer 5

Wow your scenario seems to be a real complicated one. I feel as if things were great between the two of you but only online. As you mentioned, the phyically attraction was not there. You are not to blame for that nor is he. But as the two of you spent time together i'm assuming his looks became less important to you. Deep inside i feel you had feelings for him that maybe you didn't want to admit to him. If you didn't then you wouldn't have gotten upset with your friend. Remember he was the one who first approached your friend. Personally you just need to get over him and look for another love interest. Hopefully you still communicate with your other female friend.

Answer 6

There is a difference between loving somebody and being in love.
You love your friend. You were defending your FRIEND. There is nothing wrong with that. You are not IN LOVE. Your friend is lucky to have you. And who cares what the chick thinks about the two of you, as long as your friend knows how you stand.
Do not lead him on or let him think that there is anything more than friendship between you. Anything like that would be cruel.

Answer 7

yes you can love some one and not be attracted to them sexually. to many equate sex and love which not the real case. you can sex with out love. But the best sex is a by-product of love . You can love him and not want him. that may be for now but over time those feelings may change!! you only dated 2 weeks good relationships take alot longer..

When you denied it were you honest with YOURSELF not her. she doesn't matter. Do you have feelings for him and you don't want to persue it because you think sex won't be what you expect. don't expect sex let it happen with the relationship you will be amazed the difference

Answer 8

no.. it is not possible for a person to be in love without being sexually attracted.sexually attracted means that you are attracted to the physical or the charm of a person. In many cases, sexual attraction must come first..BUT as time goes by, you maybe accidently in love with the person without you realized it.. thats why you didnt feel the love/sexual chemistry at the first place. but, as your friend dumped him, you do feel bad didnt you? it shows that you got feelings for him but not much..

Answer 9

It is possible. It depends on how you perceive love as what it is.
You don't fall in love on seeing the person as sexually attractive, perhaps part of it is attraction, but only a part of the whole. What's more important in love is full acceptance of the person, including his weaknesses. If you are doubtful of it because you find him less attractive, then probably you aren't in love because you can't accept him as what he is. Just keep in mind that sexual attraction fades in time, what stays is the good foundation you've nurtured within the relationship -- your friendship.

Answer 10

Love can take many forms. It is in essence a feeling of need, hope, a desire to nurture. It doesn't have to be physical and it is possible to love someone for their sense of humor, their wisdom, etc. This can produce protective feelings and a need for attention from that other person, even jealousy. There is no certain way for love to exist or for how to feel in love with someone.

Answer 11

True love concurs all!
what do you mean not sexually attracted to him? is it his looks? body type? what?
I'm going to tell you something about love nothing else matters when you love someone really love someone!
People get it confused is it love or infatuation? because infatuation could make you hold back because of something a simple as the way a person looks!or whatever it is?