I caught my ten yr. old poken around down in her private area, what do I do about it?

Question

She got all embarassed about it and got mad at me for talking to her about it. So I had to agree that she didn't do anything.

Answer 1

First you need to let her know that you are not mad at her cause of that, of course she was embarrased and probably feels guilty about it.
The worst thing is to pretend that nothing happened. It is natural for kids to explore their bodies, but if you already caught her - talk to her!! Before she will start "experimenting" and "exploring" her body with boys! It's never too early to talk - but it can be too early to get pregnant... so talk talk talk anytime you will have a chance. And (i know its difficult) try to gain her trust, So when she will get her period or will be considering having sex with guy she will feel comfortable talking to you about it.

Answer 2

Of course, she's embarrassed. You should have pretended not to see if at all possible. If you walked in and it was clear you saw something, you should have just said, "Excuse me" and left.

Some time later just make some comment like, "Sometimes people think they're different for doing one thing or another, but usually most people all do the same kinds of stuff." In other words, find some way - outside of the context of what occurred - to let her know stuff isn't a big deal.

Of course she was angry because you talked about it. Everybody in this world wants their privacy and dignity. There is a point where it just isn't a mother's business what someone does with there own intimate stuff. Everybody in this world has a body that is only theirs and that they have a right to touch if they want to. Some people are comfortable making a big public deal out of their private stuff. Some are more comfortable keeping "body talk" out of the conversation. Maybe you wouldn't mind if someone walked in on you and wanted to discuss it (!), but she does. If you would mind and wouldn't want someone trying to talk about it, then realize she deserves the same treatment as you would want.

Now that you've agreed she didn't do anything, just let it go and forget about it. It isn't a big deal. She'll probably find some way to block out what happened and hope you think you saw nothing.

The fact that you're now asking "the world" what to do about is makes me think you're still no comfortable just letting it go.....
(I haven't meant to seem critical of, or rude to you, just thought you'd want candor.)

Answer 3

OMG... Why is everybody so friggin' uptight.
could it be that she was innocently exploring her body.
I suppose as a youngster you never explored your body with nothing but innocent curiosity.
You say you caught her...does that mean you walked in on her,,invaded her privacy without a knock on the door?
Hell yeah she got embarassed,, what with all the paranoid talk I am sure she has overheard( the kind that only peaks ones curiosity as a child), I am sure she knew right away that you felt she had done something "wrong" and Then you had to "talk" to her about it right then , oh i'm sure you were real calm and understanding in your approach( yeah right).

Leave the innocent little girl alone, i'm sure she has gotten the message.---You act as if you "caught" her going to town with a D!ldo or something.

Its called discovering your body and every human does it. Chill out.

And go apologize again for breakin in like you did.

Answer 4

Curiosity is normal, I don’t’ think she is going to get into trouble early. But, I think that she needs to be informed about her body. If she won’t listen to you then ask her if she would like to talk with a doctor about it. Your family doctor should be good enough, but she may have a problem with a male doctor, so ask for her input. A lecture to not touch herself down there won’t work. In fact it will probably only make her more curious.

Do you know anyone who is pregnant? Maybe she can talk with her. Someone who is pregnant can describe what is happening to her body, and what her anatomy had to do with it. She doesn’t have to go into the actual act of sex, but at some stage your daughter is going to get curious about that to. I think it would be better for her to get a one-on-one discussion with someone who knows rather, then learn it on the street. That’s why some kids still think that babies come from storks or are found in cabbage leaves, or some other stupid myth. There are also some girls that seriously think they can get pregnant with kissing.

If your daughter knows what is going on then it will probably make her less likely to want to experiment and find out what is going on. Once her curiosity is satisfied then she can concentrate on whether she wants to have sex for the right reasons. My mother went to Catholic School for 8 years so she was very Puritan. My “sex talk” happened when I found a copy of the book “Everything you wanted to Know About Sex” hidden in a book cabinet. I read the book and never asked the awkward question, although I did hint at it once.

I don’t know, but my parents may have left that book were I could find it just so they wouldn’t have to give the talk. I think that you are approaching it with a better attitude. Your daughter needs to know, (Don’t you wish the human body came with an owner’s manual?) she is too young to read the book where I learned about sex. The book is written at a high school or beyond level, she just couldn’t understand what the text is trying to say, until she is reading at that level. She needs someone that she can ask questions to, without feeling too embarrassed about it.

Answer 5

One - it is normal to explore your own body. Mom, you didn't check yourself out a little around that age?

Two - Great book - "The Care and Keeping of Me" It is by American Girl, and was recommended by my daughter's pediatrician. It has a lot of age appropriate info for her about development and the changes she is going through.

I let my daughter read it when she gets to a certain point in development, and then we talk about it. Seems to help the embarrassment ease a little because she comes into the conversation slightly informed.

Is masturbation covered, no...but it does explain about development and how her body will change.

Answer 6

I hope you didn't freak her out and make her think that what she was doing was wrong. As you know, girls that never get into sex, even as adults and wives, usually had an experience as a child where someone told them it was "dirty" or naughty to touch themselves. Don't ruin her sex life for her. You have to sit her down again and be upbeat and cheerful and explain to her that it's OK for her to explore her body. Tell her that you did it as a child. She has to know that it's OK, but must be done in private. Let her know that sex is wonderful, feels good, and by her experimenting now it will help her enjoy it even more after she gets married. Good Luck

Answer 7

Well a ten year old girl would get very embarassed about being caught doing something like that. That may be enough to make her stop. But if she doesn't, i wouldn't be too worried about it unless she is doing it in public.

Answer 8

We had a concern with my Step-Daughter (she was 7)...when we...well I walked into her room one day.
We didnt make a big deal about it and called and talked to her Doctor and her therapist, because we didn't know if it was a sign of abuse or not (she had been living with her bio-mom and we didn't know what had gone on). We were really freaked out!!!
But...we were told by both her therapist and doctor that it is perfectly normal for her to be exploring her body...its not wrong, evil, nasty, or anything...as long as it is restricted to her alone time in her room. And that it will become a problem when she wants to do it all the time and in public...or around us.

If you have concerns please talk to your daughters' doctor!! We were told it was normal!

Answer 9

Masturbation is a common behavior, our animal instinct. As long as she doesn't spend all her time masturbating is ok, you might want to contact her doctor to get some piece of mind, but what ever you do DO NOT take her in and talk about her privacy in front of her doctor, her trust in you (if any is left after you walking in on her privacy without knocking on her door) will banish.

Answer 10

Why would you say she didn't do anything? She was MASTURBATING for heaven's sake, and this is a completely normal, harmless activity. I think the conversation you need to have with her is about privacy. She's old enough to expect some degree of privacy (including your knocking on the bedroom or bathroom door instead of just walking in.) She's also old enough to only engage in masturbation when she can be confident about her privacy.