can some one give me a good joke?

Question

if it make me laugh i'll vote u as the best answer so u could
have 10 more points

Answer 1

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant

for some rectum deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that, they don't

sell rectum deodorant and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she

has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular

basis and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "We don't have any."

"But, I always buy it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.

"Yes," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks

at it and says to her,

"This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container

back and reads out loud from the container .......

"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.

Answer 2

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo
toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her
first day promptly at 8:00am.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is
backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the
2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up, that there are Tickle Me
Elmos
all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me
Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric,
wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little
package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and
approaches Lena.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,
"but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...
Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

Answer 3

This bored king had a castle of gold with a large pool in the back full of gators . He annonced to his people that if anyone swan across the pool he would give them one of three things.The first was a castle like his and or billons of dollars in gold or his beautiful daughters hand in marrage .well the first man to jump in got 10 feet and was eaten by the gators .The second ma to jump in got 50 ft and was eaten buy the gators .Finally the third man got in and swan accross and got out the other side the king was pleased . Well the king said what do you want a castle like mine the man answered no ,billions in gold the man still said no,or my daughters hand the man still wasnt interested. well the king puzzeled asks well then what do you want . the man answers the mother fu--er that pushed me in the pool

Answer 4

A husband and wife go to the county fair, they decide to go and check out the bulls. They walk up to the first bull and there is a sign on the gate that says this bull mated 50 times this year. The wife turns to her husband and says "you could learn from this" . They go to the second bull and the sign hanging says this bull mated 65 times this year. The wife turns again and says "you could learn from this, that's more than 5 times a month" they walk over to the third bull and the sign says this bull mated 365 times this year she says "you could learn from this" so the husband finally turns to the wife and says "do you think it was 365 time with the same cow"

Enjoy
Moskie257

Answer 5

A rich guy was looking for excitement so he decided to put an ad in the newspaper. The ad said, "I will give $10,000 to any person that can make my elephant jump."

So the next day, people came from all over the world to try to get this elephant to jump. There were even hypnotists who tried, but no one could get that elephant to jump.

Then a guy drives up in a blue Corvette and said, "Are you the guy with the ad?" The rich guy replied yes. Then the guy asked, "Is that your elephant?" "Yes." The rich man replies. Then the guy went back to his car.

He returned with a 2 by 4. He walked behind the elephant and hit the elephant right in his balls! That elephant jumped a good 8 feet in the air. The rich guy, amazed, handed him the $10,000. The guy then got in his Corvett and drove off.

The next week the rich guy decides to put another ad in the paper. The ad said, "I will give anyone $20,000 to make my elephant turn his head from side to side." The man had seen his elephant's head move up and down but never from side to side.

People come from all over the world to try to get this elephant to make his head turn from side to side. No one could do it. When everyone left, the same guy in the same Corvett drives up.

He walked up to the elephant and said, "Do you remember me?" The elephant nodded his head up and down. Then the man asked, "Do you want me to do it again?" The elephant then shook his head from side to side frantically.

Answer 6

The Vacation Blonde and the Alligator Boots! Turn your speakers up before you click on this!

http://home.att.net/~soloshideaway/658/vacation.htm

Answer 7

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 8

Two guys walk into a bar, you think the second one would notice.

Answer 9

what hapened to the blind doctor performing circumcision on a patient?
he got the SACK



a guy and a girl were sitting on a park bench, the guy goes "put your hands in my pants and feel my doodle"

so the girl does and she goes- "ooo my, it's so long and wet!"

the guy goes- "yeah it's the biggest sh*t i ever done."

Answer 10

Did you hear about the guy who was so dumb, he went to Sears looking for wheels to a miscarriage.