For those of you who missed this joke earlier, do you want a good laugh??

Question

Tequila Christmas Cake

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the tequila again.
To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar.
Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup ... just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit up off floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt or something.
Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.

CHERRY MISTMAS!

Answer 1

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 2

A instructor asks her type if everyone can use the interest fascinate in a sentence. Brian will develop his hand and says, "The sky is appealing." the instructor says, "No that's appealing." Jennifer will develop her hand and says, "when I observed the tigers on the zoo i replaced into involved." the instructor says, "No that's involved." So finally Little Johnny will develop his hand and says, "My mom offered a clean shirt with 12 pearl buttons, yet her chest's so enormous she ought to in hassle-free terms fasten 8!" Q:On which side does a fowl have the main feathers? A: the outdoors. Q: How do you be conscious of whilst there is an elephant under your mattress? A: Your nostril touches the ceiling. Q: What do you get in case you circulate an elephant and a kangaroo? A: enormous holes throughout Australia! Q: What lies on the floor, a hundred ft contained in the air? A: A lifeless centipede. Q: Why did the snowman call his dogs Frost? A: because of the fact Frost bites.

Answer 3

Funny Mika,
It gave me a good laugh tonight, which is what I needed after today. I had to go buy sheets etc. & some clothes for my hubby for work.{HA,HA.}
Why is it when they need work shirts etc. they depend on us to buy them 4 them, while they sit in a bar(NOT DRINKING-ONLY COKE) & play video games? An age old ? 4 women right?
Anyway I came out of the store & called him on cell just to get him to come open the trunk of the car 4 me, as I don't drive, so I figured he could walk accross the parking lot & put the bags in the trunk instead of me lugging them to Jack Astors at the far end of the outdoor mall we were at.
Thanks 4 the laugh, but don't wipe the counter with the cat eh?{Just a quip 4 U.}****REBELCAT:>>>>
P.S. My hubby wants me to print this, as he just loved it too & wants to show it to some of his co-workers. Hope U don't mind....

Answer 4

I saw that joke a few years back & I've been dying to find it every since! Thank you SO much! Awe, Christmas in August, how nice!
HO * HO * HO! :o)

Answer 5

I did'nt LOL but I laughed in my mind bcuz my heart was laughing with me :D

Answer 6

haha I havent heard that one before. That was cute

Answer 7

lol this sounds like my family at christmas!cherry mistmas to you too.

Answer 8

I cried tears of laughter.
Thank you very much for this one.

Answer 9

You joke was written for me! lol...

Answer 10

nice