Dad's girlfriend - half-mother??

Question

I need your advice:

My 2 sons spent 7 days at their father. All went well. Dad's girlfriend took good care of them.

Today, my oldest told me that the girlfriend of their father said she is their half-mother.
My son was quite upset about this. I was even more upset.
Before this happened, I explained to him that he only has one father and one mother and that nobody will replace either one of them.

Would you calmly talk to their father if you were in my situation?
If yes, what would you say to him?

May be I am worrying for nothing but I feel this is not something to say to a child.

He's been with this girl for the past couple of years. I still don't see why she would deserve the title of 'half-mother' though..

Answer 1

Speak to both of them . do not be angry just explain that your child was upset by this and maybe should could be called aunt instead

Answer 2

Half-mother?? hmmmm did she give birth to half the children? Is she blood related to them? Otherwise I believe the correct term would be Step-mother, only then if your ex-husband marries her, than she would be the boys step mom.

I would preferably have my children call their dad's girlfriend by their first name, at least until after they become married. I just feel it would be proper that way. Girlfriends come and go, and it would probably make it easier for the children ,in case, if their dad and his girlfriend ever do split up, otherwise by the time their dad ever does remarry, they could have at least 2 dozen other step-mom's out there, if you know what i mean.

Just psychologically it makes more easier on the children. I'm glad that the children, and her, and yourself gets along quite well, it's a rarity this day and age, with so much anger and apathy in the world. I would simply just talk with "both" your ex and his girlfriend, the children should "not" be apart of it after all it's an adult conversation. And simply just state your concerns if you have any, and what you feel most comfortable with, also to state that your son was upset with that fact. I'm sure if your ex is reasonable and his gf is as well than there should be no problems.

Good luck

Answer 3

My daughters father's wife told my daughter she could call her mom. This bothered me because he doesn't even act like a father, how can she say mother??? But she only sees them like once a year, so, I didn't bother saying anything about that... Now, when his mother tried telling her that her last name was different, I did go off!
I guess how you would handle this would depend on what kind of attitude your ex has. If he is truely a loving father, this may upset him as much as it does you and your son. You might also suggest he find someone with a higher IQ. Half-mother????

Answer 4

Definately talk to him. He may have plenty of gf's after her. The kids don't need to be confused thinking all of them are their 1/2 mothers. What happens if they split up. Do the kids think a mother abandoned them. He probley doesn't even know she said this to the kids.If they were married it would be ok to explain the step mother thing but she is just a gf. Who does she think she is?
I would just let him know that it upset the kids and it is not her place.I'm sure he knows that having the two of you split is hard enough on the kids so think of the kids future and what it would do to them if/when him and the gf split.
if he cares about the kids at all he will understand.

Answer 5

Thank the Lord, your ex's girlfriend is good to the boys. You did right to tell the boys, they only have one Mother/Father. But it sounds like this woman would like the boys to think of her as a Mother figure, while they spend time with their Dad. I think she is trying to make the boys understand that she cares about their Father and them too. Divorce is so hard on the kids. You are lucky to have someone who will be good to the boys. Many times these kids go to visit a parent and they have to endure many un-happy problems. Thank the Lord that she is good to them. It is important that the boys feel they can come and confide in you. Keep the communication open and don't fuss too much, because you don't want them to clam up. I wouldn't say too much to anyone, except your boys. Just reassure them that you are the Mom and she is just trying to make them feel good.

Answer 6

She wouldn't even be considered that. She may be considered a step-mother but never a half-mother. I would defininately have a sit down talk w the father. He should have said something to her when all this took place. I am dating someone that I am considering spending the rest of my life with. Both of my kids adore him to death and their father doesn't want much to do with either one of them. He only comes around when it suits him. Not when we ask him to come see the girls.

Answer 7

I understand your getting upset. Your explanation to your child is true, they just have 1 mom and 1 dad. Your ex's gf shouldn't have said that so soon. they just got to meet her.

yes, i would say talk to the father about it. tell him that it confused his son and made him upset, and could his gf just let them call her by name? it was nice of her to take good care of your kids, but your children are still young and they don't really understand, and this is confusing and upsetting one of your sons. your divorce/separation had a big impact on them, and they don't need another confusion right now.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Well I'm probably not the one to give you advice on this subject but here goes. When my ex and his new girl told my children that they could call her Mom I went off on them both (not the kids). I told them both that I am the one who supports them and takes care of them and I am there only mom.

I have never regretted that outburst (I cant call it a decision, because it happened so fast) and it has never happened again.

Answer 10

I would definatly talk to his father about this my daughter's dad when we broke up wanted me to drop my daughter off with his girlfriend I wouldn't do it just because for 1 we had just broken up and for me to drop her off with his new rebound gf just wasn't right for my daughter's sake and this girl was living with him. I didn't think it was a good example for her because one day she is going to be a grown woman and I don't want her to think that it is ok to break it off with someone and jump to someone else and I explained this to him and I also explained to him that when this woman was around for the next year then I will think about dropping my daughter off to her. I don't think this is right she is screwing with your kids head she would be his stepmom if they were to get married but if they aren't married she has no right to step in and say anything like that at all! I would actually talk to both of them about this.