my daughters biological father tries to be in her life on and off again what do i do???

Question

i dont want to hurt my 3 year old daughter with a guy that cant commit to her. my fiance has been in her life for 2 years and loves her everyday. but every other month i get a call from her biological father and his family saying they want to see her. i dont want to confuse my daughter. but i cant stop feeling guilty about saying no.

Answer 1

Keep him out of your life and hers, I mean her real dad. I went through the same with with my ex husband as I did not want to confuse my daughters because he was in and out all the time too.
Now when I look back, they are not confused at all, because they only had me to answer to. They are beautiful girls with level and educated heads.

Answer 2

You must let her go to see her other side of the family. As much as it sucks its the side effect of having a child with a man (and i use that word loosely) that you proablaly knew wouldnt make the best father. Im only saying this because i've been there. Make sure you get your child support whatever you do, dont let this scum bag off easy. As long as the other side of the family is responsible and will take care of your daughter allow her to see them in due time trust me she will see that her biological dad is not what he should be. I know you want to protect her, but hes her dad and you really should have thought about what type of father he was going to be before you all had unprotected sex, but you live and you learn

Answer 3

ANSWER:

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Here's a simple solution.

Plan a "get to gether" ..for your immediate family and with your daughter and your fiance. Arrange this at a state park --there's NO charge as long as there are less than fifty people attending.

Bring a simple meal , bbq and treats. Tell your "biological dad" person that the date of the get together to see his daughter is the same date as your party.

YOU do not have to tell your daughter that he will be there. THIS way if he disappoints ..and doesn't show up , you guys will still have a small party and your daughter won't be disappointed because she didn't know her dad was supposed to be there.

Save all the invites (including the one to her dad) for the future when she is older.

If he DOES show up --then let them have some time together..perhaps on the swings, in the park etc. and he can still meet the rest of the family and your daughter.

This way ..this saves your daughter -the baby - the hurt ..and it still gives the daughter and father a chance to see each other.

Try this four times and if he don't show up four times, then it's your turn to just give up and let his requests just go to the answering machine.

You have tried your best, that's all you need to do.

If the person the dad is totally actively alcholic or drug addict, don't make any arrangements at all and just ignor him .

Your daughter will have plenty of time to get acquanted with him when she is of legal age.

Answer 4

Since your daughter has a loving environment with you and your new fiance,their is no harm in letting her get to know her real roots,do not put that much thought in what is going to happen down the line just live one day at a time and be glad that her father still wants to be a small part of her life

Answer 5

You should definitely not prevent your daughter from having a relationship with her father, whatever relationship he can offer is better than nothing, as long as she is not being abused. Just because things didn't work out between the two of you doesn't mean that she shouldn't know her father or his family. They are her family too.

Concentrate on providing her a stable home life with you and your fiance, but you will be doing her more harm than good if you try to separate her from her father. It will be more stress on you too if you attempt to keep her from him and vice versa.

Answer 6

You are being incredibly selfish not allowing your daughter to see her biological father. YOU made the bad mistake with him, don't allow your daughter to suffer for it.

Just because you have a new man doesn't make him her father. Get over yourself, and be an adult. Let your child see her father. He has as many rights as you do.

Tip: Don't mention her real-father until 5 minutes before he picks her up. That way it is like a huge treat, and she isn't disappointed if he doesn't come.

Answer 7

I say it will not hurt her, by having a good mother and father there with her most of the time and raising her in a good way, the other dad will have some effect but I think the morals she gets will come from you and how you live your life with your husband now. Good luck.

Answer 8

make a schedule and stick to it, if he or his family doesn't see her then, don't be there when they call out of the blue to see her. Your daughter's life is no game and the biological father should grow up and understand that. Don't feel bad, he doesn't feel bad.

Answer 9

You can't keep her from her father, she'll end up blaming you later. You need to let her see him, but don't tell her until you know he's going to be there. It's hard being a mom, you don't get a choice, your a mom everyday whether it's convenient or not. My dad was the same way and it hurt me a lot, but by the time I was 13 I made my own choice and told him to hit it and of course who was there to pick up the pieces....Mom!

Answer 10

You are not just confusing her, you are showing her an incredibly dysfunctional family. A three year old is too young to understand what is going on all they can really understand are extreme emotions they are feeling. She might feel something worse than confusion, she might feel sad or angry. You need to set up regular visitation or none at all. Because this could seriously hurt her emotionally when she is older and ready to start a family. She needs support from her immediate family, not lazy fathers who don't really care.