he is on paxil.( depression pills) and he doesnt take them like he should which causes so much problems in our house I am getting depressed. Originally I thought my honest being a good caring person whould win the battle but he has been abusive. And I am losing. I am sometimes scared and angry because he accuses me of things I never did. Originally I would try to prove loyalty to him..If I went out I show retail receipts to prove where I been. And I never cheated on him.I just lost my job, and his 15year old just moved in with us and attending school from our residence ..While his ex wife collects child support for the 15 year old and their 20 year old who is not in school but working for UPS. He wont give me any money when in need 10.00 here 5.00 there but on the same day buys our 4 year old an $85.00 remote control car .And yes it is broke after 3 days..I cant say that I am in love with him because he makes my stomach hurt when he comes home.I dont know what to do. Is it him or meds
2006-08-12 11:45:41 · 17 answers · asked by twinleelee 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Just because someone's suffering from depression isn't an excuse to be abusive. He needs help and he may need different meds, but there's no way that you can force him to get that help and what's happening is that he's pulling you down with him.
If you stay in the situation the way it is, you'll not only jeopardize yourself but possibly your children too... I'm not saying this to be cruel.
You sound like a wonderful person and it's great to be loyal and caring to someone you love but it sounds like he's crossed a lot of boundaries; the things he's doing just aren't right. So often we as women feel that we need to take care of someone at the expense of ourselves but you deserve better than this.
You really need to get away from him...take yourself and the kids to a place that's safe and if you don't have anyplace to go call your local women's shelter. Doing this won't get him into trouble, it's just a place for you and your kids to be safe. They also may offer counseling and help with such things as finding housing and legal help. You can also call 1-800-799-7233 which is the national domestic violence hotline which is run by people who can guide you in the right direction.
Like I said, you're being pulled into a cycle of abuse and even if it's not physical now it could escalate into that. If you can remove yourself from the situation for a while at least ,then you can get a better and clearer perspective on things and you'll also be able to have a little leverage. In this way you can tell him that you'll come back to him (if you want to) once he makes an honest effort to take care of himself. Whatever you do, don't let him make you feel guilty for his depression and anger, it's NOT your fault and nobody can fix another person.
Please take care of yourself and I wish you the best.
2006-08-12 12:46:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Really sorry to hear this! If you are on good terms with his ex-wife, I would call her and see how he acted in his first marriage. Once a man is abusive, verbally of physically, it is still abuse. Do you really want to be in a relationship like this. It won't improve, Paxil or not. He will never trust you, regardless of what you do. The man is sick. It is call a Personality Disorder. I bet he drinks as well. I would suggest you put on your running shoes, pick up your four year old, and run. You deserve better. I know this is hard thing to do but you will never feel good about yourself unless you make the change.
Hope this has helped somewhat! Good Luck
2006-08-12 13:59:04 · answer #2 · answered by Black Beauty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all did he have these problems before you married him and had a child with him or did he just decide one day to be a bastard.Women think they can fix these guys and you cant fix anyone unless they want to fix them \selves.I would try to get help both of you as the child doesnt need to grow up with out a father and theres bitternesss there because hes taking care of his child from a previous marriage.That is still his child and if he owes child support no matter what age the child deserves it.Sounds like you want the world to revolve around you and you need to grow up and face the responsibilities of your child.Maybe hes that way because you dont have the attention you require.Try getting along instead of b****hing it may get you far.But you dont love him,tough think about that baby without a father.Your child should come before your whining.If he is physically abusing you then get out for the safety of your child but dont go back once out.Get off the meds we all get depressed from time to time.Toughen up and deal with life..,your baby needs you to have a backbone.Even more so now if you leave the loser.
2006-08-12 12:07:11 · answer #3 · answered by halfbright 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think something worse than depression is wrong with him. Depression can be very debilitating but usually does not make an unabusive person abusive, and it does not make one paranoid. Ask him to get help. Ask to go to the doctor with him. He may have some type of illness (such as a bipolar illness) that makes him unable to help himself. Does he have any other relatives (besides the 15 year old) who might have some influence on him? Maybe one of his parents, siblings, etc. could help.
If he won't accept your help, don't let him drag you and your child down with him. You have to save yourself since you have a child to care for.
Good luck and God bless.
2006-08-12 13:41:02 · answer #4 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It took you eight years of dating and four months of marriage....to just now figure this out? Obviously, this turn about of events didn't just happen overnight. You couldn't see the writing on the walls before you said "I DO"....What were you thinking by going through with the wedding? Do you think marriage is a joke or something? Well....it's not.
On the other hand....he sounds like a very controlling "jerk" and you an "idiot" for sticking with him and not realizing it sooner. You were with the guy for eight years prior to marriage!!! How would you not know this?
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh and maybe it is....but....that's just how I see it.
2006-08-12 12:48:51 · answer #5 · answered by xxx 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is highly untrusting and maybe he's been burnt before. Get yourself a good job, get on your feet, and start putting a little of your paycheck in a seperate account that he won't know about. Even if it's just $5. That way you have made yourself a cushion whenever you decide to leave him there won't be anything holding you back. Girl, the most important thing is for you to be happy in your life, and no one can do it but you.
2006-08-12 11:58:44 · answer #6 · answered by amyvnsn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow things sound pretty overwhelming at your home. If he is abusive-take yourself and your 4 yr.old son and RUN and never look back. You don't want your son to grow up thinking that that is the right way to treat his girlfriend/wife. Your husband is not worth your life, your son's life or the effect he is having on your son's future. Get out as fast as you can! GOOD LUCK-You Deserve Better!!!
2006-08-12 11:55:32 · answer #7 · answered by PROUDJEW 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I can tell you from experience, that I had to pray really hard ..and I am still praying..The Lord asks us to have mercy and pray for people so tormented like that...You should let him know how much you love him, and that you really want to stay with him,..and don' t put him down...you need the Lord in your life. He gave me the strength to endure some of the most horrifying experiences...with forgiveness, compassion. and almost pity for those who do not have him in their lives....you need strength...and find a way to make your own money...maybe sell things on ebay or something..you should go there and see all the stuff they sale...you could set up your own account, and make your own spending money and even maybe have some cash for your future and stash it if you have to for yourself...good luck and pray HARD on it God bless hon
2006-08-12 11:55:31 · answer #8 · answered by MotherKittyKat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion it is him.I say that because i don't believe that depression pills can make someone that insecure.If i were in your situation i would suggest a therapist for him.If that doesn't work,take you and your son somewhere else for awhile.Maybe by the time you been away he's recognized how much pain he has put you through and has changed.If not,leave him.Only if you don't love him.
2006-08-12 11:59:04 · answer #9 · answered by Nishay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you were an outsider looking in on your family what would you tell them to do. You need to get out. Especially if he is abusive...your children do npt need to go through that. I know that you said you lost your job but you can get help form the state & recieve child support.
2006-08-12 11:54:00 · answer #10 · answered by shelleyclinx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋