If my father dies, Do I necessarily have to take responsibility for his daughter?

Question

Well i'm 19 years old, my parents are divorced. My father left me when I was about 5, and we have had a distant relationship ever since. I went nine years without seeing him because he moved far away with his new wife. We continued to speak over the phone, and he told me he loved me but could not deal with his life, my mother, and living in my house, and had to leave. When I was 16, he moved back here, and he had come back with a 2 month old daughter, and he had told me that his wife went back to Ukraine, but is coming back soon. Over time (3 years), his wife never came back, and now my father is in the hospital because of liver failure. He thinks he is going to die, and so do the doctors. If he dies, His daughter will go to me, and I will be her legal guardian. My fathers condition is bad, and he will most likely die within the next few days unless he suddenly progresses, but that is not likely. How can I get rid of his daughter? I don't want her and don't know what my options are.

Seriously, NO rude answers. I really don't know what to do, and I'd like REAL help, and REAL answers.

I know she is my sister, but I don't really consider her my sister. Yes, I was around when she grew up (she's only 3), but we lived in seperate houses, and my father and I didn't have a real father-daughter relationship. I don't love his daughter, I just see her as a little girl, not my family, just how I see every other little kid I "know".

she is my HALF sister, and NO i don't feel attached to her. She is currently staying at my house, and has been here for the past two weeks, but she did NOT live here before. No, I do not feel attached to her. She is just another little kid to me, like all the other little kids i know or have met. We have never really bonded.

Answer 1

First of all, DON'T listen to some of the answers. The people have no right to say you are a bad person for wanting to get rid of your sister. In fact, she's NOT even your sister. Yes, so she's blood related to you, but that doesn't mean she's your sister; For somebody to be considered your sister, you must have some sort of emotional connection. I mean, People adopt children all the time; Those kids are not blood related to them but they are still their children. So just because she is blood related to you, doesn't mean she is your sister when the two of you never even had a real sister to sister relationship. Who cares if she's your sister by blood? That doesn't mean you have to care about the child, she's not your business, she's not your responsibility. Give her up; You are not ready for children, especially not for a 3 year old who randomly came into your life. Give her up. You are NOT obligated to take care of a child you don't want. I can see why your father gave her rights to you seeing as you are his only real family (unless he has parents, siblings, etc) close by, and he must love you.
Don't take this girl into your heart or home. As you said, you are not attached to her and she is just like any other little kid to you, so don't take her in. Since you see her as just another child you know, and nothing more, ask yourself this: "Would I take in any other little children?". I doubt you would, so give her away. She is not your responsibility.
I suggest you hire a private investigator and have him do some research on your father's family. He can find your father's wife in Ukraine, and other relatives. I assure you you can find the girl's mother, and if she doesn't want her, then just give her up. Sign her rights away to a foster parent, or whichever other option is available.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Oh, this is so sad for that little girl. If you really don't want her, then I guess you shouldn't take her. But really, weigh her options. Will your Mom adopt her? Is there any other responsible adult that she knows and is comfortable and familiar with that can take her in? Do you have a relationship with her at all? If you don't take her, she will most likely go into foster care. Since she is no longer a baby, her chances of getting adopted are small. I wish you hadn't worded it, "get rid of his daughter." That sounds pretty cruel, but it also shows that you are not matrue enough to take on this responsiblilty, I'm not trying to offend you here, I'm just trying to be brutally honest. This is what I recommend you do, start talking to some kind of family services that deals with adoptions, like Catholic Family Services. They should have a list of families waiting to adopt a child. Have them help you find a a suitable family for this child.
And really think about keeping her. Think over whether you can keep her without resenting her or treating her as if she is unwanted. If you can, you might find it to be the most rewarding thing you've ever done. Truly, I wish you, and this child, good luck. I wish I could take her!

Answer 3

It is a big decision and what about your mother??? Uncles ,Aunts??? there must be someone else in your family thats older to take her. If you are the only one then that sucks because it doesn't sound like you have a heart. Poor kid has no mom and soon to have no Dad. sounds to me like your jealous that she had a relationship with your father and you resent him and her. since he left you. Let go of the past and if you really feel that way about her , no feeling for your own sister, the let her be adopted, maybe she will have a decent family. Call social services and tell them you don't want the responsibility and you want to give up all legal rights to her. At least maybe she could find someone decent to love her. Babies are in short supply for adoption so she would probaly go to a good home. Why did you even agree to do it in the first place??? Is your father leaving you money or something to keep the child??? Someday you might feel bad about what you did, after all she is your sister. But as selfish as you are let her go, maybe she will have a chance at a good life away from your family.

Answer 4

The next of kin is actually her mother. Try contacting your local CPS office or an attorney. They should have some resources unto which you can exhaust that will help in finding the child's mother whether she is in the U.S. or the Ukraine. It might take time, but it will be worth it.

In the meantime you should also speak to your mother about the case. It's not fair that you alter your life to take care of your father's child unexpectantly. Maybe your mother will be willing to take on guardianship until another solution comes about.

While your father is still alive try to gather as much information from him as possible regarding the mother of his daughter or next of kin that can contact the mother. In addition, if your father has any relatives find out who they are and contact them about taking in the child if necessary. If you haven't already done so find out the mother's name of this child. Not just a 'nickname' but full name, date of birth and if possible last known residence and/or next of kin. The more info you can get from your father...the better. Plus you will probably need to seek legal counsel anyway so that your father can place in writing his desires or necessary affairs regarding the young girl in the event of his demise.

It's a sad case and while I understand you don't want to be responsible for the child...perhaps you can consult someone else that would be willing to take the child in because otherwise she will become a ward of the state. And that is far worse. She is in reality your sister...don't do something now that you will regret in the future. Try to stay connected with her if possible. Don't make her pay for your father's error in not being a part of your life.

Answer 5

The best thing to do would be to talk to a lawyer. Does your father have any living siblings? Maybe a brother or sister of his that would want to take on that responsibilty? Maybe a lawyer or a privete investigater could help you track down the child's mother. The state I think would only place the child in a state home if there were no family memebers who wanted to take her in. I don't know though, those family memebers that would want to take her in would probably have to step forward so I would be contacting all of her family that you know of on your dads side and finding info about the childs mothers side of the family also.
It might be hard investigating and tough finacially but take it from someone who is young with children if you think you don't want the responsibilty now, your probably really not going to be up for this right now.

Answer 6

What a bad and sad situation. I feel for you. I would think that the mother would have say. If you can contact her. So she is just a step sister right?Her mothers name should be on the birth certificate and if not try talking to your father on your feelings. He wasn't there really before so just let him know how you feel and what options there is. Let him know though if worse comes to worse then you will step up and help. I'm sure you don't really hate her that much to let her go to the state and live in a foster home.Do you? I hope not. there must be aunts and uncles out there to help her out too. So just gather all the info. you have and try to build it before and if he pass away.Hope everything works out and good luck. But please do talk to your father and let him know everything.

Answer 7

You are going to have to talk to your mom, if you can. You might have to seek legal help too. At 19, I would not want that kind of responsibility and the child should actually go back to the mother. See if he knows a way to find her or if there is anyone who can help with that. Worst case is you put the child in foster care.

Answer 8

Is this your dads and Ex wife daughter if so she is your half sister an innocent person and you don't want a thing to do with her? and want rid ? shame on you if so If not your sister then you need to seek legal family advice if you are determined not to look after her seek putting her up for adoption but she is 3yrs living with you are you not attached to her in anyway? so don't think in terms of getting rid look for a way to give her the best up bringing even if it mean adoption have some sympathy for her, her mum has abandon her and now her dad is sick it cant be easy so put yourself in her shoes what would you want done?

Answer 9

There is no reason on earth why you should be responsible for his daughter. He should have made plans for this, single parents need to do that and the people they choose have to want that responsibility. Where is the mother? Call child services and tell them your situation, they can advise you about what to do and place the child with someone or find the mother. Good luck!

Answer 10

This is a tough situation.If you think you can keep from taking out the anger you feel you have for your father on her, I think you should take on this responsibility.
If you don't, then the government raises her in foster care and groups homes...she could become a teen mother and addicted to anything on welfare then you support her anyways.
Good luck with your decision!

Answer 11

Why don't you want to take care of her? She is your half sister.
If you don't want her then you can find someone in your community that would love to adopt the little one. There are a lot of good families that are wanting to adopt. You could try and find her mother.

You can go to my profile and send me an email and I can give you some good sites for finding people in another country.