do you know any good jokes???

Question

A woman takes a lover home during the

day while her husband is at work.





Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees
them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.





The woman's husband also comes home.





She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising

that the little boy is in there already.





The little boy says, "Dark in here."





The man says, "Yes, it is."





Boy - "I have a football."





Man - "That's nice."





Boy - "Want to buy it?"





Man - "No, thanks."





Boy - "My dad's outside."





Man - "OK, how much?"





Boy - "$250"





In the next few weeks, it happens again that the

boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.





Boy - "Dark in here."





Man - "Yes, it is."





Boy - "I have football boots."





The lover, remembering the last time,

asks the boy, "How much?"





Boy - "$750"





Man - "Sold."





A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, "Grab your

boots and ball, let's go outside and have a game of football.





The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots."





The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"





Boy -"$1,000."





The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends

like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm

going to take you to church and make you confess."





They go to the church and the father makes the little boy

sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.





The boy says, "Dark in here."





The priest says, "Don't start that again.

You're in my cupboard now!"

Answer 1

A burglar is out doing his nightly rounds and decides to rob a nearby house. He clambers in through the window and hears a voice in the dark say,
"Jesus is watching you!"
The burglar curses in fright and switches on his torch. He sees a parrot in a cage near the window and he asks,
"Did you say that?".
The parrot then says,
"Yes I did!"
The burglar then asks,
"What's your name?",
The Parrot replies,
"Moses!"
The burglar looks at the parrot in utter disbelief and scornfully says,
"Moses? What idiot called you that?"
The Parrot replies,
"The same idiot who called their Rottweiler Jesus!"

Answer 2

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday
morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but
amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So.... you're a man.
That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's
nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we
should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this
must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is
completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God
wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle
and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and
immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"


The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

Answer 3

Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's
forthcoming wedding.

"Ach, it's all going grand," says Jock. "I've got everything organized
already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the
minister, even ma stag night...

Archie nods approvingly.

"Havens, I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jock.

"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "that's braw, you'll look pure smart in that!



"And what's the tartan?" Archie then enquires.



"Och," says Jock, "I'd imagine she'll be in white..."

Answer 4

A husband was silently filling out a crossword puzzle in the living room when suddenly his wife came and smacked his head with a rolled newspaper...

Husband: Honey, what was that for?!

Wife: *Pulls out a piece of paper* Who the heck is Mary Jane?

Husband: Aww honey, that was the horse I was betting on early this morning

Embarrased, the wife apologized and walks away.




Later that day...

The wife angrily whacks a heavy book on her husband's head...

Husband: Honey, what was that for???

Wife: YOUR HORSE CALLED!

Answer 5

haha nicely reliable i have been given a sex shaggy dog tale for you desire you want it :) on listening to that her grandad had merely died kate went and visited her nan to convenience her at the same time as she requested how he died her nan replyed with the help of sayin that he had had a heart attack at the same time as makin love 2 her kate stated that it replaced into stupid that 2 previous human beings the position havin sex because it replaced into askin for problem her nan replyed with the help of sayin that they used to do it to the sluggish p.c.. of the church bells because it replaced into merely the right speed she then wiped a tear from her eye and carryed on with the help of sayin''if that dahmed ice cream van hadnt come alongside he could nonetheless be alive right now'' :) xxx

Answer 6

One day Little Johnny is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "What are you doing?" he asks. Little Johnny replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him." "That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor. Little Johnny shouts back, "That's because he's inside your ******* cat!"

Answer 7

Ok this guy goes hiking and he sees a woman trying to commit suicide and the guy goes "why are you killing yourself" and the girl says "it dosesn't matter"
so the guy goes. at least blow me before you kill yourself..
and the girl does it
so the guy goes how about now?
Girl"my family disowned me because i impersonate a girl"

Answer 8

whats the definition of impossible?

Stapling diarehoarr to the wall
(you heard that one??) well i tried (sorta)

Answer 9

god 4 give me for this
what would you call the Flintstones if they were black




N i g g e r e r s

Answer 10

DOUBLE CONFESSION!

Dad is always out of doors!

Mother's honor is protected!